Bring Me All Your Elderly!
by RainAndRoses
Summary: After watching "The Last Airbender" movie, the appalled members of Team Avatar decide it's up to them to fix the movie by coaching their live-action counterparts on how to be more like them. Hilarity ensues. Canon pairings, but lots of weirdness later.
1. Part One: Intervention

**OK, so I should actually be working on the next chapter of my more serious story "The Avatar's Love," but I've been feeling goofy lately and just can't concentrate... And this idea just occurred to me: what if Team Avatar took it upon themselves to actually go _into_ the "Last Airbender" movie and try to fix everything? And, well... I just couldn't help myself! M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN, YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF! I feel no remorse for whatever kinds of satirical chaos may ensue.**

**Heh heh heh. This at least makes me feel a little bit better about the movie sucking so bad.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Avatar: the Last Airbender" the cartoon, or any of its characters. Nor do I own M. Night Shyamalan's wretched disaster "The Last Airbender," or any of its, ahem... 'characters' (term used very loosely here). Though I will be taking some artistic liberties with them. Mwahahahha...**

* * *

**PART ONE**

**"In Which Team Avatar Sees a Movie, and Sokka Declares It's Time for an Intervention"**

...**  
**

"They want you to be their Avatar, Ahng," Katara said, her lip quivering and pouting ever so slightly. "We all do."

It seemed, as was usual for her, that the girl was going to burst spontaneously into tears. Luckily, though, she managed to keep herself mostly composed, and turned away. She and her brother, in total solemnity, joined the group of Northern Water Tribe warriors who were kneeling reverently before the bald young Airbender.

As the music in the background escalated into a dramatic chorus, the Airbender swept his hands around in a grand gesture, and bowed back to the Waterbenders. His face contorted in a storm of baffled emotions – he, too, looked as if he was having great difficulty resisting the urge to cry suddenly, though he didn't seem to know why. His mouth hung slightly open, lips quivering as well, while his eyes gazed forward desperately, searching hopelessly for something… Was it motivation? Personality? A sense of humor? Or perhaps, just the closing credits?

Alas, there was none to be found.

The musical chorus rose to a climactic volume, then stopped suddenly. Blackness.

Elsewhere…

Some bored, matter-of-fact, and rather unimpressive Fire Lord stood in a room in some palace somewhere, reciting dialogue to an intricately decorated window.

"Our forces in the Northern Water Tribe have failed to take the city," he informed the window gravely. "General Zhao was killed in battle my brother has become a traitor my son has proven himself a failure…"

He paused. Nodded. Breathed through his nose.

"Now," he went on, casting an indifferent glance at his window confidante. "Sozin's Comet… is returning in three years. It will give all Firebenders the ability of the highest Firebenders the ability to use their own chi to create fire. _That_… is the day we will win this war and prove the Fire Nation's dominance. Now, you must stop the Avatar from mastering Earth and Fire. You must give us the time to get to that day."

At last he turned away from the window, having apparently remembered that there was another human being in the room. Quickly, embarrassed at having been caught speaking to his window, he pretended that he'd actually been talking to her all along.

"Do you accept this unspeakably important task that I'm putting in your hands?" he asked the girl standing behind him.

The music grew dark. It said, _be afraid_. _Be very afraid…__Please, please, be afraid._

The strange girl raised her head, her lips twitching slightly, her eyes alight with glee.

The music said eagerly, _It's Azula! Get it? Get it?__Are you afraid? Yes? No? Maybe? AZULA?_

"I do, father," said Azula. She smirked subtly, looking as though she was planning to happily tear someone's heart out and eat it while giggling and singing Disney songs.

_FEAR TERROR EXCITEMENT AZULA_! said the music**… **(_and oh, please, pretty please come back for the sequel! in 3D!_)

Blackness.

**_Written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan._**

* * *

Team Avatar all stared blankly at the screen, too shocked to speak for several long moments after the film had ended.

Aang groaned quietly, massaging the headache nestling in his temples. Katara glared – not at anything in particular, just glared. Sokka could only gape at the screen, aghast. Zuko grumbled in frustration, and Iroh stroked his beard, deeply troubled. Mai snickered quietly beside Zuko, while Toph snored softly on the other side of him. Suki glanced around at the others uncomfortably, wondering which of them was going to speak first, and hoping that it wouldn't have to be her.

At last, Sokka managed to voice the single word that all of them were thinking:

"… what."

Toph snorted and woke up suddenly. She'd fallen asleep on her armrest, leaving a small puddle of drool.

"Huh?" said the blind Earthbender, yawning broadly. "Wha' happened? Movie's over?"

"Mercifully, yes," Zuko replied grimly.

"Just before I was about to start cutting myself," Mai yawned as well, leaning on Zuko's shoulder.

"Dreadlocks?" Iroh murmured, furrowing his brow in bewilderment. "_Dreadlocks_?" He'd been murmuring that same word intermittently to himself throughout most of the movie, stroking his beard pensively. It seemed that, for all his wisdom, the old man still could not quite fathom it.

"I think that was quite possibly the worst ninety minutes of my life," Aang said, frowning irritably.

"That was only ninety minutes?" Sokka cried. "Why did it feel like it went on for so _long_?"

Katara continued to glare in silence.

"Oh, come on, guys, it wasn't really _that _bad," Suki spoke up, with hesitant optimism.

"Sure, that's easy for you to say, Suki!" Sokka exclaimed. "You weren't even _in _it!"

"Yeah…" Suki murmured. She was clearly rather glad that she'd been left out.

Katara was still glaring.

"And I thought the Ember Island Players were bad," Zuko shook his head.

"Yeah, right," Aang agreed vehemently, flushing slightly with annoyance. "I think I'd rather sit through 'The Boy in the Iceberg' again than have to hear someone call me _Ahng_ one more time!"

"And if I hear the name _Soh-_ka ever again, someone's gonna get a beating from my boomerang!" Sokka growled.

Katara was still glaring.

Aang finally glanced sideways at her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Katara? You okay, there?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she mumbled, still glaring. "I just need a minute to… recover."

"I think we all do," Zuko said, standing and stretching.

"Why _dreadlocks_?" Iroh muttered to himself.

"Come on, Uncle," Zuko said, helping the old man to his feet. Iroh frowned, staring blankly into space, lost in his daze of confusion. "We'll get you some tea, and you'll be just fine."

"That's a good idea," Aang agreed. "I think we all need some tea. Jasmine Dragon, anyone?"

"I second that," Sokka nodded.

"Me three," said Toph.

* * *

The Gaang all lounged around Iroh's tea shop, seething quietly and sipping tea. No one broke the silence for a long time, as each was lost in his or her own thoughts regarding M. Night Shyamalan's film. The tea was a comfort, at least, but it could do nothing to erase the images – the tedious fight scenes, the painful dialogue, the humiliation.

"At least, you know, the music was pretty good," Suki suggested at last, optimistically trying to lift their spirits. "And the special effects were okay. And some of the sets looked neat, right?"

"Yeah," Toph nodded slowly. "I don't know what you guys are so upset about. I mean, I know I couldn't actually _see_ it, but I thought it was pretty awesome anyway."

"What are you talking about, Toph?" Sokka glanced sideways at the Earthbender. "You fell asleep ten minutes into it!"

"Oh, yeah," said Toph. "Guess I just dreamed the rest of it up. No wonder it was so awesome."

"M. Night _Shyamalan_," Katara muttered fiercely. "If I could just see that guy face to face…"

"Katara," Aang took hold of one of her hands, squeezing it to calm her down. "Revenge is bad, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," Katara grumbled. "But how can we just sit around and let him get away with this? It isn't right! I mean, he turned me and Sokka into pasty-skinned emotional cupcakes with no personalities and _horrible, HORRIBLE _fighting technique! And look what he did to you, Aang! You're the savior of the world and he couldn't even get your _name _right!"

"Not to mention how embarrassing it was that apparently Firebenders can't do anything unless we have a handy fire somewhere nearby," Zuko rolled his eyes. "How could the Fire Nation ever conquer the world like that?"

"And the _dreadlocks_!" Iroh shuddered. He couldn't say anything more.

"It's not right, Aang!" Katara cried again. "We have to do something about this!"

"Katara, I'm just as upset as you are," Aang sighed. "But what could we do?"

Katara hesitated, and sighed as well. "I – I don't know. There must be something, though!"

"There _is _something!" Sokka declared, rising to his feet. "Listen up, Team Avatar… and Mai… "

"Thanks for including me," Mai murmured, smirking and rolling her eyes.

"I think this situation calls for… _an INTERVENTION_!" The last word he spoke very dramatically, pointing his finger straight upward into the air.

Everyone in the Jasmine Dragon stared blankly at him for a moment.

"Um," Aang finally spoke up. "What exactly do you have in mind, Sokka?"

Sokka grinned brightly. "We're gonna go find those poor saps from the movie, and teach them how to be us!"

Team Avatar (and Mai) all looked around at one another, astonished at Sokka's suggestion. They shrugged, and scratched their heads, but their eyes all silently asked each other, _Could it be possible? Can we really do such a thing?_

At last, Katara shook her head at her brother with a melancholy sigh. "No, Sokka. It would never work. They're characters in a _movie_!"

"Well, yeah, but then again, _we're _characters in a cartoon," Toph pointed out.

Zuko suddenly spat a mouthful of tea across the table. "We're _WHAT_?"

Aang sighed. "You make a good point, Toph. But… well, I dunno. I agree that something needs to be done. But how could we possibly make a difference this time? It's not like we can hop on Appa's back and just cross on over into the movie. It's a totally different world!"

"Why couldn't we cross over?" Sokka asked, grinning with excitement. "Sure, maybe it's not really logical. But let me ask you this, Airhead: is it logical that we even watched the movie to begin with?"

Aang paused, frowning with thought. "I guess it's… not?"

"Of course it's not!" Sokka replied enthusiastically. "Think about it: M. Night What's-His-Name is clearly not even from our world, so how could his movie be here? And anyway, I'm pretty sure motion pictures and movie theaters haven't even been _invented_ in this world yet. Come on, Aang – does any of that make sense?"

Aang's eyes were beginning to light up with the realization. His mouth cracked into a small grin as well. "No – you're right, Sokka. I guess it doesn't make sense!"

"_Exactly_!" Sokka nodded.

Katara glanced at Aang, then at her brother, her mouth hanging open in astonishment. "But," she stammered, "but… that could only mean one thing!"

"That's right!" Sokka smirked. "Clearly we are all stuck in some fanfic parody with no real logical basis to it at all."

Zuko spat his tea across the table again. "We're in a _WHAT_?"

"You're right, Sokka!" Katara cried, clearly bursting with excitement. "We _must_ be in a crazy illogical fanfic! And that means that, as long as it's for the sake of satire, we shouldn't have any problem at all crossing over into the movie world."

"In fact," Sokka added, "we'll probably just get there without any plausible explanation in the very next chapter of this story."

Aang's eyes sparkled mischievously, as the possibilities began to unfold before him. "Yeah!" he said. "All we have to do is wait till the next chapter, and once we're there, we can fix everything that went wrong in the movie!"

"You guys have fun with that. I think I'll stay here," Mai said, yawning a bit. "I don't really care enough about the movie to put that much effort into fixing it, especially since my character wasn't even in that part of the story. But for future reference, guys – try to be careful about breaking the fourth wall around Zuko, okay? He doesn't know, and it tends to freak him out a little."

"Fourth wall?" Zuko asked, looking at her in bewilderment. "What wall? Someone broke a wall?"

"Nothing, Zuko," Mai said, smiling quietly and patting his hand. "Just don't worry about it."

Iroh rose from his corner of the table, nodding solemnly. "Normally, I would not condone any meddling between two separate realities. You never know what that sort of thing might lead to: injuries, death, the end of the universe as we know it, badly written teenage drama… The possibilities are endless. But in this case, I think the situation is severe enough that it's worth the risk. I'd like to go with you all, if you don't mind."

"We wouldn't feel right going without you!" Toph declared, and everyone else agreed.

"In that case, I think we all better get some sleep," Sokka said authoritatively. "If my calculations are correct, the next chapter of the story should be coming any second now, and we're pretty much guaranteed to show up there fairly early on. We'll need to be well-rested if we want to tackle the project of fixing _The Last Airbender_. It's not going to be an easy task."

"You've got that right," Zuko agreed.

"Yes," Iroh murmured pensively. "In fact, this may be our most difficult challenge yet!"

* * *

**What kinds of craziness will befall our heroes once they are face to face with their movie counterparts? Stay tuned to find out! :D**


	2. Part Two: Here to Save the Day

**So I'd just like to take a moment, before I begin to brutally tear apart this movie, to say that I honest&truly have_ nothing_ at all against Noah Ringer or Nicola Peltz (poor Nicola is going to take a pretty bad beating in this story, I fear). ****I actually quite like Dev Patel and Shaun Toub. ****Jackson Rathbone... meh... I plead the fifth. The awful quality of the acting in the movie, I blame mostly on very awkwardly written dialogue. When something is badly written, even an experienced actor will have trouble pulling it off. So, I don't mean to trash the actors in this story! I'm mostly poking fun at the writing.**

**DISCLAIMER: "Avatar: the Last Airbender" is not mine, and neither is the movie "The Last Airbender" (_thank Kung Fu Action Jesus it's not!_). Thanks so much to those of you who reviewed the first chapter! Hope you guys enjoy this one :D**

* * *

**PART TWO**

**"In Which Team Avatar Arrives to Save the Day"**

**...**

"See, guys?" Sokka grinned, stretching his arms with satisfaction. "What did I tell you? A good night's sleep, and one chapter later – here we are!"

Aang yawned, rubbing his eyes and looking around in amazement. The others – Katara, Zuko, Toph, Suki and Iroh – were all also in the process of rousing themselves from sleep and taking in the scenery.

They were entirely surrounded by snow: a flat stretch of pallid ice lay around them in every direction, and the towering peaks of crystalline glaciers could be seen in the distance. Not far from where they'd awoken, a small Water Tribe village lay cradled in the gentle slopes of some jagged white ridges, bustling quietly with people. The morning sun burned lucid and pale overhead, painting every inch of the scenery with a vibrant glow.

"Weird," Katara muttered, turning around in a complete circle to get the full effect of the landscape. "It's so… _textury_."

"And… spacious," Aang added.

"I believe the phrase you are searching for is 'three-dimensional,'" Iroh said, rising to his feet with a heavy yawn.

"Doesn't seem any different to me," Toph shrugged, shuffling her bare feet uncomfortably over the snow-covered ice. "I don't like the ice here any better than I do in our world."

"Wait," Zuko said, rubbing his eyes in thorough bewilderment. "How did we get here? Sokka – how did you know this would happen?"

"Doesn't matter, Zuko," Sokka waved his hands quickly, remembering Mai's warning about breaking the fourth wall in Zuko's presence. "Let's just say, the rules of logic are no match for the power of satire. Also… I'm just that awesome."

"Can we still bend here?" Katara wondered aloud, kneeling and running her fingers through the delicate flakes of snow on the ground.

"I don't see why not!" Aang said, grinning. He spun his arms rapidly, gathering the air around him up into a tightly spiraling Air Scooter, and before the rest of them even had a moment to blink, he hopped onto the little ball of wind and zipped out over the barren icy plane. His playful laughter reverberated through the crystal air.

Suki glanced at Katara. "Is he always this hyper?"

Katara sighed. "Only in the morning. And sometimes around 2 AM."

"I tend to feel a little energized around that time, myself," Iroh mused, smiling pensively.

Aang whizzed past them on his Air Scooter, stirring up wild flurries of snow in his wake and sending everyone's hair into disarray. Sokka brushed the snow off his clothes as Aang, still laughing jovially, sped off once more into the distance.

"We don't have time for his shenanigans," Sokka grumbled. "Katara – fetch!"

"What do I look like, a dog?" Katara glared at him.

"Just go get your boyfriend, please!" Sokka said impatiently. "We came here to do a job! We can't have him scootering around all day. And if he finds any penguins, we're _really_ not going to get anything done."

Katara rolled her eyes. "All you had to do was say 'please.'"

The young Waterbender squinted against the pale sunlight, spotting the shape of Aang zipping across the ice in the distance. He was heading back in their direction once more. With an almost lazy confidence, Katara raised her arms and – at precisely the right moment – twitched them slightly upward.

A small piece of the ice jutted up suddenly, directly in Aang's path. His Air Scooter tripped over it, faltered, and dissolved; the Airbender himself lost his balance and flew head over heels. He landed on his back and slid across the ice, coming to a stop almost directly at Katara's feet.

She crossed her arms and gave him a rather scolding look – though she could not hide the small spark of amusement in her eyes. Aang grinned feebly up at her.

"Sorry," he said. "It's just… _really _three-dimensional!"

"All right, now, no more goofing off!" Sokka declared firmly. "Remember why we came here!"

"To show everyone here how much we rock and they stink?" Toph suggested.

"To amuse other fans of the show and point out the many weaknesses of the movie in a comical way?" Suki added.

"To laugh at the rules of logic?" Zuko added, apparently beginning to catch on.

"Heh heh," Aang chuckled. "_Logic_."

"All of that and more!" Sokka grinned excitedly. "Let's go, Team Avatar! Time to do a little inter-universal meddling."

They set off. But before they'd taken five steps across the ice toward the little village, a massive mechanical crunching sound crept ominously up behind them. An immense and sinister shadow fell across their path, swallowing up the bright sunlight, while the ice beneath their feet suddenly shuddered and began to give way. Turning, Team Avatar beheld an enormous ship, made entirely of black metal, crushing its way through the ice directly toward them.

Aang reacted first, summoning a huge gust of wind that instantly blew Sokka, Katara, Suki and Zuko to one side of the ship, and Toph, Iroh and himself to the other side. The ship plowed on through the ice, entirely unaware of the small group of animated characters it had nearly run over.

"Thanks for the warning, _Toph_!" Sokka shouted sarcastically across to the small Earthbender after the ship had passed.

"Uh, _hello! _We're walking on ice!" Toph bellowed back indignantly. "I can't see a thing out here! And anyway, you'd think any of you guys could have heard it coming, or turned around and, you know, _seen _it! With your _eyes_! "

"That _was_ pretty weird," Aang commented, glancing at the stern of the creaking black ship as it drifted away towards the small village. "It's like it just came out of nowhere."

"Maybe it did," Iroh said suddenly, frowning with deep thought.

Katara solidified the churning water in the gash left behind in the ice from the ship's passing, forming a small bridge. The group gathered together again, brushing the snow out of their clothes and hair. Sokka helped Toph stand, and she clung to his arm nervously, her feet slipping clumsily over the surface of the ice.

"What do you mean, Uncle?" Zuko asked.

"Well, I was just thinking," Iroh murmured. "Suppose we're now in a world without any sense of cause and effect? Suppose things just _happen_ because it's their time to happen."

"You mean," Katara asked, "that that ship actually wasn't there until just now, when it almost ran us over?"

"Precisely," Iroh nodded. "It appeared now because – well, because _now _is when the scene begins. Whatever was going on before doesn't matter."

"Then we don't have much time," Sokka replied. "We're at the Southern Water Tribe, so we must be pretty close to the beginning of the movie. And a big scary ship headed straight for the village? That _has_ to be Zuko – "

"Come again?" Zuko furrowed his brow.

"Not _you_, Zuko," Sokka said. "You know – Movie Zuko."

"Oh, _him_." Zuko sighed wearily. "I have a feeling this whole thing is just going to get more and more confusing as it goes along."

"The scene has already started," Sokka continued urgently. "If we hurry to the village, we can intervene before the scene is over! Come on!"

* * *

Fire Nation troops stormed the small Southern Water Tribe village, their black capes billowing in the wind as they marched threateningly past the little huts. The sunlight glinted off their evil black helmets, and on the tips of their evil spears.

The tall boy with a ponytail – Movie Sokka – stood beside his open-mouthed little sister, clenching his teeth fiercely and burning with anger. Anger was by far his favorite emotion, even under ordinary circumstances. But he was especially reveling it now, as he watched those evil black-cloaked soldiers surge through his village. Now there was a good reason to be angry.

"It can't be a coincidence that we break him out of the ice light shoots into the sky and now the Fire Nation is here with their machines!" he muttered angrily through his angry clenched teeth, without even pausing to take an angry breath. His voice quivered slightly with anger.

Movie Katara, wide-eyed and wide-mouthed, did not respond.

Meanwhile, as the Fire Nation troops began to assemble themselves in their proper places around the little Water Tribe Village, Animated Sokka peered around the corner of one of the huts. The rest of the members of Team Avatar all crouched behind the hut, out of sight from the movie characters, watching Sokka intently.

"What's going on now?" Aang asked.

"Sh!" Sokka shushed him. "Looks like the soldiers are taking their places. Movie Zuko should be coming out any minute to introduce himself."

"_I am Prince Zuko…" _came a soft, fierce voice from the other side of the hut.

"Right on cue!" Sokka grinned.

"Good call, Sokka," Katara said.

"… _son of Fire Lord Ozai and heir to the throne!_" His voice rose to an impassioned bellow.

Sokka, still spying on the scene, cocked his eyebrows for a moment and shook his head. "You know, you'd think the guy would actually _look _at people when he's talking to them."

"When do you think we should intervene?" Zuko asked.

"_BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY!_"

"That should do it," said Sokka.

Team Avatar quickly emerged from behind their hut, stepping casually into the middle of the scene. Sokka raised his hands toward all the onlookers.

"Hello, everyone!" he said, flashing his friendliest grin around at the crowd of bewildered extras.

Aang waved happily at the spectators. "How are you all doing today? Good? How about this weather, huh?"

They were met with a few moments of silence and blank staring.

"Who are you?" demanded Movie Zuko, glowering at them belligerently.

"Never fear!" Sokka said reassuringly. "We come in peace. We're just here to fix your movie."

"_What's wrong with our movie_?" Movie Sokka growled angrily from the side, clenching his teeth.

"Oh, don't even get me _started_ – " Sokka chuckled.

"What my brother means to say," Katara spoke up quickly, noticing that Movie Sokka was beginning to reach for his boomerang, "is that we've traveled all the way from the Animated Universe to try to, um, help you all be the best versions of us you can possibly be."

"Versions of you?" Movie Katara gasped, her lips trembling with confusion. "But… what do you mean?"

"No need to be upset, my dear," Iroh said gently to the young girl, who seemed to be on the verge of tears. "You see, all of you are playing characters based on all of us. This young lady here," he put a hand on Katara's shoulder. "She's Katara, just like you."

"Well, I wouldn't say _just _like – " Katara protested softly, but Iroh continued.

"And this young man," Iroh gestured to Sokka, "is her brother Sokka."

"Don't you mean _Soh-_ka?" Movie Sokka interrupted.

"Hey!" Sokka cried, pointing a finger at him. "I've got a boomerang too, buddy, and I bet I'm better at using it than you are."

"Are you _threatening me_?" Movie Sokka growled angrily through his clenched teeth.

"Nobody's threatening anybody!" Aang interjected hastily, coming to stand between the Sokkas and smiling rather nervously. "We're all friends here!"

"That arrow tattoo!" Movie Zuko gasped suddenly, marching forward and grabbing Aang by his collar. "You! You're the Ahvatar!"

Aang merely looked at Movie Zuko for a moment, his mouth twitching in quiet amusement. At last the animated hero chuckled nonchalantly, casually removing Movie Zuko's fingers from his shirt. "Well, actually," he said, "I'm the _Avatar_. If you're looking for the _Ahvatar_, he ought to be hiding out in one of these tents around here."

Movie Zuko just frowned at him, baffled. "What?"

Animated Zuko shrugged at him. "Don't worry. I'm about as lost as you are right now."

Movie Zuko turned his frown upon the other Zuko. "And who are you supposed to be?"

Iroh burst into a bout of hearty laughter at the angry live-action prince. "Oh, come on now," he said. "Can't you guess?"

Animated Zuko and Movie Zuko stared at each other for a few moments. When it seemed that Movie Zuko was not going to arrive at the right conclusion on his own, Animated Zuko simply sighed and pointed to the scar on the left side of his face.

"Get it?" he asked.

"But – but – " Movie Zuko stammered. "But _I am Prince Zuko_!"

"Hey, no kidding. Me too," said Zuko, rolling his eyes impatiently. "You're not the brightest, are you?"

"But – wait a minute," Movie Sokka angrily approached the group, narrowing his eyes at them in anger. "If we're all just characters based on you, then who are those two?" He pointed to Toph and Suki.

"Oh, I'm not in this movie," Toph said plainly. "I don't come in until the second season."

"And I was just in a deleted scene," Suki shrugged. "Apparently I'm too distracting to be in the first movie."

"We're basically just here for entertainment," Toph added, smirking. "And 'cause we're awesome."

Movie Sokka squinted at the two of them, pursing his teeth (yes, it's possible) in an attempt to look very serious. A long, awkward silence followed. Team Avatar glanced uncomfortably at one another.

"_Soh-ka and I were very confused_," Movie Katara spoke up suddenly from the side, seemingly addressing no one in particular. "_We weren't sure if we could trust these unusual strangers –_ "

"Um, excuse me?" Katara interrupted her, crossing her arms and tilting her head at the live-action girl. "What are you doing?"

"I'm narrating," Movie Katara replied, staring blankly at her animated counterpart.

"Why?" Katara asked, growing slightly irritated. "Everyone can clearly see what's going on. You don't need to tell us."

"But… that's what I _do_," Movie Katara answered, her eyes glistening, her head shaking to emphasize the beat of her words. "I narrate the story. With descriptive narration."

Katara could only gawk at her helplessly, adding a few more moments of awkward silence to the already awkward conversation.

"What's going on?" came a soft voice from behind Movie Sokka and Movie Katara. A young bald boy in a maroon cloak emerged from one of the tents, holding a staff in his hands. "I've been waiting in this tent for one of the soldiers to come in and capture me."

"Aha! See?" Aang said, nudging Movie Zuko with his elbow. "There he is. Hiding in a tent. What'd I tell you?"

"Who are you?" said the bald, hooded boy, staring blankly at Aang. His expression teetered just on the edge of genuine curiosity and interest, but fell slightly short and landed more in the range of empty cluelessness.

"I'm Aang," Aang said, grinning brightly. "I'm the Avatar, too. See?" He pointed to the arrow tattoo on his own bald head.

Movie Aang stared at his beaming animated likeness uncomfortably. Something like panic passed through his eyes, and he suddenly began to stutter nervously.

"Um…" he stammered. "Uh… um… I, um… uh…"

Aang watched him for a moment, furrowing his brow, unsure what to make of the live-action boy's strange behavior. He glanced at Katara, who just shrugged.

"Are – are you okay?" Aang asked finally.

The other Airbender blinked a few times. "I, uh – I ran away from home."

Aang paused, slightly flabbergasted by that reply. "I'm… sorry? But I asked if – "

Movie Aang didn't seem to hear him. "I ran away from home…" he recited hastily. "We got in a storm…"

"Yeah, I know," Aang said slowly. "But that's not what I – "

"We were forced under the water of the ocean," Movie Aang went on, oblivious.

Toph snorted. "_The water of the ocean_?" she muttered to herself.

"It wasn't very smart," Movie Aang blundered on.

"Yeah, no kidding," Aang tried to interject again, becoming irritated. "But what are you – ?"

"I was just upset. Thank you for, uh – "

"Please stop that!" Aang growled impatiently.

"I mean, thanks for saving me… I probably should – "

"Please stop talking!"

" – get home… They'll all be worried – "

"_STOP!_"Aang cried at last in desperation. A small current of air burst suddenly from him, and he glided on it over to the flustered live-action Airbender, quickly clamping his hand over Movie Aang's mouth.

"Stop talking!" Aang demanded. "What are you doing? I didn't ask you for your life story, okay? I already know your life story! I've got the same life story as you do! I don't want to hear you just spouting your lines – I want you to talk like an actual person. Can you do that? At least try? _Please_?"

Everyone – Team Avatar and movie cast alike – stared at the two Aangs, and Movie Aang gaped feebly back at his animated twin. Shame and embarrassment lurked in Movie Aang's eyes, while Animated Aang stared him down sternly, not removing his hand from the other Airbender's mouth until he was sure the boy was not going to start reciting dialogue again.

When at last Animated Aang did release Movie Aang from his grip, Movie Aang hesitated – almost began to speak – hesitated again – and finally released a melancholy sigh, slumping suddenly to the ground in dejection.

"I'm sorry," he murmured pitifully. "I'm sorry. It's just so hard. This is my first time acting, you know, and it's not as easy as it looks, especially with the things I'm supposed to say! And everyone expects me to get it right the first time – they're all counting on me. But I don't know what I'm doing! I mean, it's not like there's anybody to _teach_ me this stuff! I'm just one kid... You know what I mean?"

Animated Aang, who had been fuming just a moment before, suddenly found himself softening with pity for the live-action boy. He scrutinized the other bald monk for several moments, contemplating – and it dawned on him that perhaps, perhaps, the two of them were not _really _so different after all. He himself was well acquainted, from his own past experiences as the Avatar, with the onerous feeling that everyone was counting on him, even though he had no idea what in the world he was doing. Somehow, surprising himself – Aang found he could sympathize.

"Hey, look," Aang said after a moment, rubbing the back of his head in slight remorse. "Don't beat yourself up, okay? I understand. Believe it or not, I sort of know what you're going through."

Movie Aang looked up at him, surprised. "You do?"

"Yeah," Aang said, smiling slightly. "Come on, get up. I think you and me need to take a walk and discuss a few things."

Aang offered his live-action counterpart a hand, and, after a moment of slight hesitation, Movie Aang took it. Aang lifted him to his feet, then turned back to his friends.

"Hey, guys, I guess me and him will be back in a little while," Aang said. "Is that okay?"

"Sure, it is," Sokka nodded. "We've got plenty of our own work to do around here, trust me."

"But – " Movie Zuko stammered. "But – I need to capture the Ahvatar and bring him to my father, so that I will be restored to my place as the rightful heir to the throne!"

Animated Zuko chuckled quietly, shaking his head. "Yeah, you want my advice about that? Forget it. It's not gonna work out too well. Trust me."

"They'll be back soon," Iroh said, smiling with satisfaction. "Now then, Zuko and… er, Zuko… How about the three of us head back to Zuko's ship and make ourselves a nice hot cup of ginseng tea to pass the time? Hm?"

Movie Zuko scowled for a moment. But at last, he gave a begrudging nod. The Fire Nation soldiers, who had been patiently standing in their places around the village for the entire scene, hesitated, unsure of what was going on.

"Come on, everyone," Movie Zuko said, gesturing at the perplexed soldiers. "Looks like we're stuck in a crossover fanfic. There's nothing we can do for now. Back to the ship."

The soldiers all began to move awkwardly back into the ship from which they'd come. Movie Zuko followed them, scowling bitterly the entire way, with Iroh and Zuko following closely behind.

Movie Sokka and Movie Katara watched them go, and then turned their blank stares upon their animated namesakes. Animated Sokka and Katara glanced at one another, their mouths curling into devious grins, and then turned their own blue-eyed gazes back to the Movie Siblings.

"Right," Sokka said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "Looks like we're in charge now. And we're gonna be making some changes around here!"

"All you movie extras can leave," Katara waved dismissively at the crowd of nonplussed Water Tribe extras still standing around. "We're not concerned with you. Carry on with your business."

"_The mysterious strangers declared that they were going to take over the movie_," Movie Katara narrated solemnly. "_Sohka and I were _– "

"Oh, _please_, shut your air-hole!" Katara shouted in exasperation.

Toph snickered and nudged Suki with her elbow. "Now _this _is entertainment!" she said, grinning.

* * *

**Plenty more to come! More updates should be coming pretty soon. And I know it's confusing having two sets of characters with the same names - don't worry, it'll be taken care of. :D**


	3. Part Three: Nicknames

**And the weirdness continues! Thanks again to all my reviewers - so glad you guys like it! :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Avatar: the Last Airbender" or any of its fantastic characters, nor do I own the movie "The Last Airbender" or any of its atrocious nonsense.**

* * *

**PART THREE:**

**"In Which Nicknames are Assigned, Katara Makes Someone Cry, and Iroh Fails to Enlighten Zuko"**

**...**

Animated Aang shuffled his feet pensively through the snow, meandering among the scattered Water Tribe huts alongside his movie counterpart. The live-action boy's demeanor was serious and earnest, though he still seemed helpless and undoubtedly a little lost. Despite his earlier feelings that he could sympathize with this unfortunate actor, Aang was beginning to realize it was not going to be easy to bring an actual personality out of him.

"So… you make the air into a ball, and then ride around on it?" Movie Aang asked, scrunching his eyebrows together in deep concentration.

"Yeah," Aang said. "It's called an Air Scooter. I invented it myself."

"But why? What is it for?" Movie Aang glanced at him, his mouth hanging slightly open. So far, aside from Movie Aang's earlier emotional breakdown, Animated Aang had not seen any other expression on the boy's face. Aang wished he would at least close his mouth.

"Well, sometimes it's good for a quick escape," Aang replied, "but mostly it's just for fun."

"Fun?"

"Yeah."

Movie Aang gaped blankly at him.

Aang sighed wearily, rubbing his forehead. "You know? Like when you… uh… when you do something just because you want to? Playing games, laughing… not being serious?"

"I like games," Movie Aang replied, stiffly emphatic.

"You _do_?" Aang asked, cocking his eyebrows incredulously.

"Yes," Movie Aang nodded. "Well, I've never actually played them. But I know I like them, because it says so in the script."

Animated Aang smacked his own forehead in exasperation.

The two Airbenders had walked the full circle of the Water Tribe village at least four times by now, and Aang felt he was getting nowhere just talking to the live-action Avatar. This was going to take some serious work – he needed some advice.

"Okay, look," Aang sighed again. "Just stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

Launching himself off the ground on a quick gust of air, Animated Aang alighted atop the roof of the nearest Water Tribe hut, scanning the layout of the village. After a moment, he spotted Katara, who was currently at the other end of the village, standing with her own movie counterpart at the edge of the water-filled crack Zuko's ship had left in the ice. Sliding adroitly back to the ground, Aang took off running in her direction.

* * *

Animated Katara watched impatiently, her eyebrows twitching slightly, as Movie Katara demonstrated _her _idea of "Waterbending."

Standing at the edge of the crack in the ice, Movie Katara spread her feet apart into a sitting stance. Breathing deeply, the live-action girl began to wave her arms – slowly, _slowly_ – twirling mystically. Her eyes, filled with intense emotion, followed her fingers around as they turned and wove slowly – _so slowly_ – in and out and over themselves. This mystical wavy dance went on for a tedious two minutes, and Katara found it harder and harder to keep her mouth shut. When at last the girl began to bend over backward, waving her arms in wide circles, Katara could not restrain herself any longer.

"You realize the whole point of _Waterbending _is to actually _move the water_, right?" she exclaimed in deep frustration.

Movie Katara stood, blinking her dewy eyes several times at Animated Katara.

"But – I was _going _to move the water," she protested, breathy and insistent.

"_When_? Tomorrow?"

"No. In just a minute."

Katara could only shake her head and clutch at her hair loopies in annoyance. "But what is all that spinny, dreamy, arm-wavy nonsense about? Why don't you just get to the point?"

"It's – it's to build up my _chi_," the live-action girl explained, twitching her head to show that she was feeling some kind of emotion very strongly.

"To build up your _chi_?" Katara cried. "Who told you you need to do that?"

"Lord Shyamalan," Movie Katara replied flatly, melodramatically. "He who knows the One True Way of making movies."

Katara seethed inside, but that last statement was so utterly nonsensical that she found she couldn't bring herself to honor it with a reply.

"Okay," she finally sighed. "I don't mean to argue with – ahem – _Lord Shyamalan_ – but if you're trying to fight someone while Waterbending like _that_, you're gonna lose. I mean, really ridiculously lose."

"But – " Movie Katara began to protest.

"No, just be quiet for a second," Katara commanded, feeling much less patient and sympathetic than she did on most normal days. "Let me show you. Here, I want you to try to attack me with Waterbending."

Movie Katara hesitated.

"Well, come on!" Animated Katara urged her.

The live-action girl took a nervous breath and began to wave her arms.

Without even a blink, Animated Katara lifted a large wave out of the crack in the ice and drenched the girl, knocking her to the ground in less than a second.

"See?" Katara said, walking over to help the girl up. "I told you."

Aang dashed up behind the two Kataras, carrying a rather substantial breeze with him. "Katara – " he began.

"Yes?" said both of the Kataras at the same moment. Animated Katara glanced irritably at the live-action girl, who gaped cluelessly at her and Aang.

Aang, who had obviously been speaking to Animated Katara, looked at the live-action girl in awkward surprise. "Oh… no, I meant…"

Movie Katara, wide-eyed and wide-mouthed, looked at him expectantly.

Aang sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Other Katara, but I… I wasn't really talking to you."

The live-action Waterbender's eyes glistened with tears.

Aang hastily went on, hoping to prevent the floodwaters. "It's nothing personal! It's just… I know both of you are named Katara… but when _I _say 'Katara' I usually mean – "

"Don't worry about it, Aang," said Animated Katara, grinning with an unusually caustic amusement. "We just need nicknames. I know! You can call me 'Good Katara.'"

Movie Katara's eyes welled with even more tears, and her lips trembled pathetically. "But – but then, what does that make _me_?" she cried.

Aang, still attempting to avoid the inevitable bout of weeping, quickly stammered, "No, not 'Bad Katara'! I would never say that you were – _please_ don't cry – "

"How about 'Pale Katara'?" Animated Katara suggested with a cheerful snicker.

That was all it took to push Movie Katara over the edge. She immediately burst into tears and ran off, leaving Animated Katara and Aang behind, watching her silently. Animated Katara chuckled quietly, finding she quite enjoyed bullying the weepy girl – perhaps a little too much. Aang shook his head at her, clearly trying hard not to smile.

"That wasn't very nice," he said at last.

"Yeah," Katara replied, grinning. "But it was fun."

"You're not usually this, uh, sarcastic," he commented, glancing at her curiously.

"I know!" Katara sighed, shrugging. "I don't know what's come over me… But there's something about that girl – she just brings it out of me. I can't resist."

Aang smiled at her for a moment, and realized he suddenly couldn't remember why he'd come to see her. Then it came back to him – _advice_, right. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when something glimmered suddenly in the sky above them. He shaded his eyes against the pale sunlight, squinting.

"Did you see that?" he asked.

Katara was straining her eyes as well. "Yeah – what was that? Look, there it is again!"

She pointed toward the object in the sky. It was small, and it seemed to flutter like a falling leaf, drifting delicately toward them. The sunlight caught in it as it fell, flashing a bright golden color. Aang and Katara watched in bewilderment as the strange object descended toward them. At last, it fluttered to the ground, landing directly at their feet. It appeared to be a piece of paper, its margins filled with intricate designs laced out in golden ink.

Aang knelt and picked up the odd piece of paper, and Katara peered over his shoulder as he scrutinized it.

"It's a message from the author of this fanfic!" she exclaimed, astonished.

"_Hear ye, all characters_," Aang read the message aloud, furrowing his brow. "_This is your author speaking. I am growing tired of referring to you all as the 'Animated Characters' and the 'Movie Characters.' Besides the fact that it's annoying to type, keeping you all straight is giving me a headache. So from now on, all of the Animated Characters will be called only by their names in the series. It is the responsibility of the Movie Characters to come up with alternative nicknames for themselves. For the convenience of the readers, Movie nicknames are not allowed to be too similar in appearance to the original names. This is a mandatory assignment, and must be done by the end of this chapter. That is all. Thank you._ _Signed: Rain&Roses_."

"Huh," Katara said. "Well… that's unusual."

"And coincidental," Aang added.

Suddenly, another small sheet of paper landed on the ground before them. Aang glanced at Katara, who shrugged. He picked it up and unfolded it.

"_There __are__ no coincidences, my good Airbender. – R&R_."

"All right, this is just getting weird," Aang said, crumpling up the piece of paper and tossing it aside into the snow. "I mean, breaking the fourth wall is one thing. But this… this is like breaking the fourth wall, rebuilding it, and breaking it again... and then setting it on fire!"

"Speaking of fire," Katara said nervously, "I hope Zuko doesn't get a hold of one of these notes. He might not be able to handle it."

"Well, he's gotta find out sometime," Aang shrugged. "At least he's with Iroh. Iroh will know how to deal with Zuko, in case he has a meltdown."

"True."

The Airbender sighed, scanning the contents of the first note again and shaking his head. "You know, this sort of thing could have some major implications for us as characters. I mean, the author of the story is sending us a note telling us to get nicknames - but if she's the author, couldn't she just _give _us nicknames? And wouldn't she already know what they will be before we even decide? And isn't she _really _going to decide for us, technically, since she is writing the story and we are just doing whatever she says? Do we have any free will at all?_ Or are our entire lives some crazy, random cosmic joke and we are all really just powerless puppets being pulled by the strings of the univ- ?_"

"Aang," Katara interrupted him.

"What?" he looked at her, his gray eyes wide and troubled.

She put her hand against his cheek, calming him down. "I know it's tempting, but you can't get into a deep philosophical ramble about the meaning of life right now. This is supposed to be a funny story!"

"Oh. Oh, yeah," Aang stammered, blinking at her for a moment. Then he chuckled and waved his hands dismissively. "Heh heh... _Existentialism._"

"Anyway," Katara sighed. "Guess we better go find the other movie people and help them come up with nicknames before the chapter ends," Katara sighed wearily. She felt she'd had enough of Movie Katara's emotional outbursts for one day, but it seemed she was going to have to deal with her just a little longer.

* * *

"What's this?" Suki said, noticing the strangely shimmering piece of parchment that drifted down out of the sky.

Animated Sokka glanced curiously at his girlfriend as she reached down to pick up the enigmatic note. He, Toph, and Suki had all been sitting around outside Movie Sokka's hut, making plans for exactly how they were going to go about fixing the movie. Movie Sokka himself had retreated inside the hut long ago, and refused to come out.

Suki read the message to Sokka and Toph, just as Movie Katara came running up to them.

"Nicknames?" Movie Katara gasped. "Oh no! I don't want to be Pale Katara!"

Sokka and Toph both instantly burst into laughter, while Suki bit her lip to keep from laughing herself. Movie Sokka suddenly emerged from the hut behind them, clenching his teeth in fury.

"Are you laughing at my sister?" he demanded.

"Yes," Sokka replied, wiping a tear from his eye. "Yes, we are."

"Hm, nicknames, huh?" Toph grinned, picking her nose lazily. "Shouldn't be too hard, especially for these two… How about Grumpy and Dopey?"

"_I am not DOPEY_!" Movie Sokka growled, reaching for his boomerang yet again.

"Relax!" Animated Sokka grinned, shaking his head. "We can do better than that. Let's see…"

"What about their real names?" Suki suggested. "You know, their actor names."

"Hm, an interesting thought," Sokka nodded. "But a little boring. Let's see – what _are _you guys' real names, anyway?"

"Well," Movie Katara spoke up, blinking rapidly. "Before I was discovered and brought here by Lord Shyamalan, people called me Nicola."

"I don't think I like what you're implying by the phrase _real names_," Movie Sokka growled. "Are you suggesting that I'm not really Sohka?"

"Yes," Animated Sokka replied flatly.

"Well…!" Movie Sokka sputtered angrily. "Well... I think _you're _not really Sohka!"

"You're right," Sokka said in a bored tone. "I'm _Sokka_. And don't you forget it!"

"We could just call him _Sohka_," Toph suggested.

"No," Suki shook her head, looking at the golden note again. "The author's message says it can't be too similar to the original name."

"His real name is Jackson," Movie Katara spoke up eagerly, hoping to be helpful.

"_Katara_!" Movie Sokka snarled threateningly at her. Movie Katara quaked with fear.

"Hm…" Animated Sokka pondered for a moment. "I've got it! You'll be Katarola, and you'll be Sockson! That should make everyone happy." He grinned, quite pleased with himself.

"I'm _not_ happy!" Sockson protested angrily.

"No one cares, Sockson," Toph yawned.

Katara and Aang approached the group a moment later, Aang waving his own copy of the author's golden message. "Hey! Did you guys get the note from the author?" he asked.

"Yep," Sokka grinned. "We've already come up with nicknames for these two: Sockson and Katarola."

"Well, that was easy," Aang grinned, rolling up the note and stuffing it into his pocket. "What about Movie Aang?"

"We haven't seen him since he left with you," Suki replied.

Aang smacked himself on the forehead. "Oh! I bet he's still standing where I left him earlier! I'll go get him."

The Airbender sped off in a whirlwind, returning a few moments later with the other bald Airbender, who appeared to be thoroughly baffled as to what was going on.

"Okay, Movie Aang," Aang began to explain. "We've got to come up with a nickname for you, because the author of this fanfic doesn't want to keep calling you 'Movie Aang.' Any ideas?"

The live-action Airbender stared blankly at him, his forehead creasing intensely, his mouth still hanging slightly open. He appeared to be thinking very hard, but did not reply.

Aang waited for several long moments, his grin slowly falling. "…. No?" he finally said. "All right, then. Anyone else have an idea?"

"Well, what's his real name?" Katara asked.

"I don't know," Aang said, looking back at the live-action boy. "What _is _your real name? I mean, before you were brought here to be me."

Movie Aang blinked a few times. "Uh… Noah. Noah Ringer."

Aang pondered for a moment. "Okay, let's see. What about… Noaang?"

Katara chuckled and shook her head. "No, Aang."

"Okay." Aang thought again. "How about… Aanger?"

Sokka snickered, gesturing at Sockson. "I think that name would work better for Grumpy over here."

Sockson sent him a fierce glare, clenching his teeth. "I don't get it," he declared sternly.

"Why don't we just call him Awng, with a 'w'?" Suki suggested. "'W's are pretty distinctive. That should be enough to satisfy the author, don't you think?"

"Sounds good to me!" Aang agreed, grinning at his movie counterpart. Awng looked back at him, mouth still hanging slightly open, and finally nodded in agreement. After a moment, Aang – who just couldn't resist any longer – reached over and pushed Awng's mouth closed.

* * *

"So, _dreadlocks_, eh?" Iroh muttered, casting a dubious sideways glance at his own movie counterpart, whom he'd just met a few minutes before.

The dreadlocked Movie Iroh smiled quietly at Animated Iroh. "You know, they actually rather grow on you after a while," he said.

The two Irohs were currently strolling through the metallic corridors of Movie Zuko's ship, their footsteps resounding against the steel walls. Animated Iroh, much to his delight, had managed to find himself a cup of ginseng tea, and was sipping it serenely as they walked. It was surprisingly good – he hadn't expected much from his dreadlocked doppelganger, but the other general had revealed to be secretly almost as much of a tea connoisseur as he was himself.

"I just don't see why you even _need_ dreadlocks in the first place, though," Animated Iroh shook his head, taking a sip of the tea. "I obviously get along just fine without them. And as far as I know, no one else in the Fire Nation wears dreadlocks... Or do they?"

"Oh, no," Movie Iroh chuckled. "You see, that's the beauty of it. It makes me distinctive. And since I am unfortunately lacking in your own unique girth, I had to make up for it somehow."

"I am rather fond of my girth as well," Animated Iroh grinned, patting his hefty stomach. "Though I've slimmed down a bit since my Season One days."

"Very good!" Movie Iroh remarked amiably, laughing. "Once you reach our age, it's not easy to lose weight."

"Tell me about it!" Animated Iroh laughed as well.

The two generals meandered out of the ship's bowels and onto the deck, glancing across the bright icy landscape to the little village below. Animated Iroh peered up toward the clear blue sky, noticing a fluttering speck of gold drifting down toward the ship.

"Uh, oh," he muttered. "Here, hold this." He handed the tea to Movie Iroh and stepped forward, reaching out to catch the falling piece of paper. He unfolded it, and his eyes scanned the author's message quickly.

"Uncle!" came two simultaneous shouts from behind them. Both of the Irohs turned, as both of the Zukos approached them.

"This is absurd, Uncle!" shouted Movie Zuko, his eyes twitching with fury. "I should have already had the Ahvatar in my custody by now, but instead I'm stuck here forced to waste time with this imbecile!"

Animated Zuko just growled and rubbed his temples in frustration. "I can't stand this anymore, Uncle," he sighed. "This guy is the most uptight person I've ever met! If I have to spend much more time with him, I swear I'm going to throw him off this ship!"

"This is _my _ship!" Movie Zuko bellowed.

"Do I look like I care?" Animated Zuko retorted.

"Now, now, my nephew," Movie Iroh said tranquilly, laying a hand on Movie Zuko's shoulder. "It's an awkward situation, I know. But you really do need to calm down."

"Why don't you try some of this calming tea?" Animated Iroh offered cheerfully.

"I DON'T NEED ANY CALMING TEA!" Movie Zuko shouted fiercely.

"Geesh, _relax, _buddy!" Animated Zuko said wearily. "Seriously. You're giving me a headache."

"What's that piece of paper in your hand?" Movie Zuko asked Animated Iroh suddenly.

Animated Iroh quickly rolled up the author's message and tucked it inside his shirt. "Oh, nothing much," he said quickly. "Just something I found – an advertisement for, uh, a Pai Sho tournament this weekend… I was just thinking, though, perhaps we ought to come up with a way to distinguish one another?"

"What do you mean, Uncle?" Animated Zuko asked.

"Well, with two Zukos and two Irohs running around," Animated Iroh grinned, chuckling softly, "things could get a little bit confusing, don't you think? It might be wise if we came up with a way to tell each other apart. Perhaps nicknames for you two Movie Characters?"

"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever – " Movie Zuko began, but Movie Iroh cut him off.

"I think that's a brilliant idea," the movie general declared. "Although I think the problem is already taken care of for the two of us, Iroh."

"True," Animated Iroh nodded. "We'll just spell your name 'Eeroh,' then, so the readers – I mean, uh – so people will know how it's pronounced."

"What about him?" Animated Zuko pointed disdainfully at Movie Zuko.

"Well, he's an actor, isn't he?" Iroh grinned. "Perhaps we can simply call him by his real name. What is your name, young man?"

Movie Zuko's eyes darted uncomfortably around for a moment. "What are you talking about? _I am Prince Zuko! Son of Fire Lord - "_

"Oh, come on, Zuko," Eeroh glowered sternly at him. "No need to be stubborn. You know very well what they're talking about. What is your _other _name?"

Movie Zuko sighed reluctantly, irritated, and at last he mumbled, "Dev Patel."

"We could call him 'Zuko Patel,'" Eeroh suggested.

"Hm… Too similar. And too long." Iroh shook his head, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Maybe just simply 'Z-Patel' will do. What do you think, Z-Patel?"

Z-Patel did not reply, apparently too frustrated with everything to continue with the conversation. He crossed his arms and turned fiercely away from the rest of them.

"Well, Z-Patel it is, then!" Iroh declared happily. "Good. That will make things much easier."

Eeroh nodded, smirking slightly at the agitated Z-Patel. "Well, Iroh, I think I'm going to go take a nap until the next scene begins. If you want any more tea, there's some in the galley down below decks."

"Much obliged!" Iroh grinned. Eeroh bowed his head solemnly, first to Iroh, then to Zuko, and took his leave.

Zuko glanced awkwardly at Z-Patel, feeling he ought to at least _try_ to say something. "So, yeah… at least it's a nice day, huh?"

"_I hate everything_," Z-Patel muttered angrily.

Zuko growled in frustration. "Oh, just forget it!" he shouted. "I didn't want to talk to you anyway!"

Z-Patel shot a searing glance at him, then marched furiously away after his Uncle Eeroh, leaving Zuko and Iroh alone on the deck of the ship.

"What a prick!" Zuko mumbled in annoyance when his movie counterpart had gone.

"Eh, Zuko," Iroh began, rubbing the back of his head rather awkwardly. He reached inside his shirt and fingered one corner of the little paper containing the author's message. "I think there's something we need to talk about."

"What is it, Uncle?" Zuko asked.

"Well…" Iroh wasn't entirely sure how to approach the subject. "I suppose I was just wondering… I know you must be a little confused about this whole situation?"

"Very," Zuko replied, blowing a strand of hair from his eyes impatiently.

"What exactly, er – " Iroh faltered. The last thing he wanted to do was demolish his nephew's delicate sense of reality. "That is – what do you make of all this? I mean, there's someone else running around pretending to be you… And we're here, in this place…"

"Uncle," Zuko glanced at him. "Don't worry. I get it."

Iroh was taken aback. "You do?"

"Yeah," Zuko nodded. "I get that they're actors playing us in this movie, and we're here to make sure they stick to reality and don't mess it up."

"Well, they _are _actors playing us," Iroh said nervously. "But that last part – you know, about us, and, uh, _reality_ – "

"Well, obviously they're not real like us, even though they seem to think they are," Zuko said, gazing curiously at him. "What else is there to know?"

"You're not just a little curious about how we got inside the movie to begin with?" Iroh asked, very carefully. "Or… anything like that?"

"What are you driving at, Uncle?" Zuko asked.

"Er, Zuko," Iroh stroked his beard uncomfortably. "I never told you about… the fourth wall, did I?"

"_What wall_?" Zuko demanded, growing irritated again. "Why does everyone keep bringing up something about a wall? What does that even mean?"

"Well, it's, ah," Iroh searched for just the right words. "You see, it's a strange phenomenon that occurs in certain fictional works… like an animated television series, for example…"

"Oh, you mean like before, when everyone was joking around about us being cartoon characters?" Zuko asked.

Iroh looked hopelessly into his nephew's face - so full of desperate denial – and he realized that perhaps Zuko was not quite ready to face the truth yet, even after all this.

"Heh, uh... _Joking around_. Right," Iroh said quickly, chuckling nervously. "It's just a – a kind of inside joke. Well, I'm glad to know that you can still appreciate a good joke, my nephew... Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to go make myself some more tea."

And with that, Iroh departed hastily, leaving his bewildered animated nephew standing alone on the deck of the ship.

* * *

**Poor, poor Zuko... Anyway, still more to come! Reviews are much appreciated. :D**


	4. Part Four: Aang Gives 'the Talk'

**NEW LONGER CHAPTER! Now with _ten times_ the awkwardness! Yay! **

**I can't believe how fast I'm uploading these things. I almost never write anything nonstop, but there's just so many possibilities with this! I'd like to say again, to make it clear: despite how cruel I am to them in this story, I really have nothing against Noah Ringer or Nicola Peltz (poor Katarola). Mostly I feel sorry for them, because their first time on the big screen was under the instruction of the Dark Lord Shyamalan. *shakes fist* The movie characters in this story are all slightly exaggerated, of course, for comedic purposes (but just _slightly_).**

**And again, thanks for all the reviews, guys! You make me smile. :D**

**(Brown Eyed Bandit, I am truly appalled that ANYONE would think the movie was better than the show. I feel your pain! And you have no idea how flattered I am that you even thought of using this fanfic to convince her otherwise, lol... So thanks, and, uh, good luck? My suggestion would be to kidnap her and force her to watch the show. But maybe that's a little extreme? *wink*)**

**DISCLAIMER: To my everlasting sorrow, I own none of the characters from "Avatar: the Last Airbender." To my ever-increasing happiness, I own nothing from "The Last Airbender."**

* * *

**PART FOUR**

**"In Which Aang Gives Awng the Talk, and Sokka Demonstrates a Proper Warrior's Wolf-Tail"**

…

"_After we were given our nicknames, it was time for our training to officially begin_…"

Katarola was trotting along like a doe-eyed puppy behind Katara, narrating solemnly as the animated girl paced impatiently back and forth outside of Sockson and Katarola's hut. Katara herself was clenching her teeth in annoyance, mentally chanting a mantra to herself: "Don't be mean – try to be nice. Don't be mean – try to be nice."

"_Katara didn't like me very much," _Katarola went on. "_She said that I was pasty and I cried too much. But she knew she had to do whatever she could to try to train me to be a better Waterbender and a more interesting character. Meanwhile, on the other side of the village, Sokka was beginning to train Sohka – I mean Sockson – "_

At last Katara growled and whirled on the live-action girl, placing her hand firmly over her mouth. "Okay, listen, Cupcake. Lesson Number One: _no more narrating_. Got it?"

Katarola's wide eyes gaped at her, and she mumbled something through Katara's hand.

"What did you say?" Katara asked, removing her hand.

Katarola's lip trembled. "But… Lord Shyamalan said I was the narrator – "

"I don't care what Lord Shyamalan said!" Katara exclaimed, fuming. "_I'm_ training you now, and you do what _I _say! And I say _no more narrating_, unless you want to get your dainty little behind frozen to a wall! Understand?"

"Hey, Katara?" Aang said, coming up behind her and tapping her gently on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure, Aang," Katara sighed, casting a stern glance at Katarola and pointing her finger authoritatively at her. "You – stay."

Katarola nodded fervently, rooting herself in place.

Katara turned back to Aang and took a few steps away with him. "What's the matter?" she asked.

Aang rubbed his forehead with a sigh. "It's Awng… I don't know what to do for him! I mean, he seems like he actually _could _be a decent character, but he just has no sense of humor, or any idea how to interact with other people. I've only seen him make three facial expressions so far: Sad Blank Face, Confused Blank Face, and Scrunched-up Concentrating Face! _That's it_! And his Scrunched-up Concentrating Face is pretty much the same as his Confused Blank Face, anyway! And would you believe I had to explain the concept of 'fun' to him? It's just depressing! I just – I don't know if I can help him."

Katara smiled a little at him. "Well… look on the bright side. At least you're not stuck with Miss Weepy Narrator over there."

She gestured at Katarola, who perked up and waved at them eagerly when she noticed they were paying attention to her.

Aang chuckled softly. "Yeah, that's pretty tough. But – I don't know… I guess I was just wondering if you could give me some advice?"

Katara gazed at Aang for a moment, pursing her lips in thought. At last she smiled softly at him, bringing her hand to his cheek.

"You know what, Aang?" she said. "I don't think you need my help. You're the most patient and understanding person I know – and besides that, you're an expert at having fun. You'll find a way to get through to him, I just know it."

Aang smiled back at her, but his eyes fell rather sadly to the ground. "I don't know, Katara…" he murmured doubtfully.

"Hey," she went on, grinning. "Remember when you first came to our village? You took me penguin sledding and played around with the kids and reminded us all what it was like to have fun. You can do it again. I know you can."

Aang's eyes suddenly sparked with an idea. "_Penguin sledding_… That's it! Katara, you're a genius!"

He threw his arms jubilantly around her, planted a kiss on her cheek, and took off running in a whirlwind. Katara blushed violently and laughed a little to herself, watching him go. She stood there smiling for several moments after he'd gone.

"_Aang and Katara seemed to get along very well…_" came the cheerful narrating voice behind her.

Katara clenched her teeth again.

Without even turning around, she swept a wave of snow rapidly behind herself, solidifying it into ice. The subsequent astonished gasp of the live-action girl filled Katara's heart with joyful satisfaction, and she smirked, glancing over her shoulder at Katarola, who was now frozen to the wall of the hut.

"Can't say I didn't warn you," she said, with a casual shrug. _So much for being nice_, she thought.

* * *

"Hey, uh, Sockson?" Sokka said, raising his eyebrows and staring at something off in the distance.

"What?" Sockson demanded angrily.

"You might want to get those little children away from Movie Appa, before they all get squished like bugs," Sokka said, pointing. Just beyond the edge of the village, the shaggy, blue-faced CGI bison was hovering in the air, with several giggling Water Tribe children dangling off his six feet.

"They're just extras," Sockson replied impatiently. "We can always get more. Anyway, those obnoxious little children always following me around everywhere I go, and I don't know why. Whenever I tell them to leave me alone, they just whine about having to use the bathroom. It's extremely irritating."

Sokka simply stared at him for a moment. There were so many things he thought about saying – but at last he came to the conclusion that it was simply not worth the effort. So he shrugged.

"Suit yourself," he said. "Anyway, let's get on with the training – "

Toph, lounging in the snow next to Suki, yawned loudly. "Hey, Sokka, how long's this gonna take? I'm bored!"

"I don't know, Toph!" Sokka said. "If you're so bored, why don't you go join all those dispensable children playing around with Old Blueface over there? That looks life-threatening enough to be interesting."

"Meh," Toph groaned lazily. "But that requires _getting up_."

"Wanna play 'I Spy'?" Suki suggested.

Toph was silent for a moment, blinking her hazy blind eyes approximately in Suki's direction. "I'll give you three seconds to figure out why that was the dumbest thing you've ever said."

"Oh, right," Suki blushed, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"So, what are you planning to teach me, anyway?" Sockson asked, smirking slightly. "Karate?"

"Kara-wha?" Sokka looked at Sockson like he was insane.

"You know, _karate_," Sockson said, smirking a little bit more – apparently amused at himself. "Because – you know – it's from your culture, or whatever?"

"Our culture?" Sokka asked, crossing his arms. "You mean, the Southern Water Tribe?"

"Yeah, but – aren't you guys, you know – Japanese?" Sockson asked.

"Hey," Sokka replied sarcastically, "aren't you – you know –a constipated vampire?"

Sockson frowned. "What?"

Sokka looked innocent. "What?"

Long, awkward silence.

"No, we're _not_ Japanese," Sokka said at last, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, but you're like that… Japanese-type cartoon, whatever it's called," Sockson specified, growing irritable again. "Anima – I mean, anime. That."

"No, we're not. We're simply anime-influenced," Sokka said matter-of-factly. "And that is completely off the topic, anyway!... In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not even supposed to know what anime is – or Japan – or the fact that you're actually a constipated vampire."

"Ah, the joys of humorous fanfiction," Toph grinned happily, picking her nose. "Anything is possible!"

"Anyway, enough of the nonsense!" Sokka declared firmly, rubbing his hands enthusiastically together. "Pay close attention, Grumpy Guy. I am about to school _you _in the fine art… of SARCASM!"

Sokka struck a dramatic pose, grinning broadly.

Sockson seemed unimpressed. "Uh-huh. And… what exactly gives you the authority to train me in _sarcasm_?"

"Excuse me!" Sokka cried, deeply offended. "In case you haven't heard, I'm _Sokka_: the Meat and Sarcasm Guy. I even said so in the show. Season Two, Episode Nine. That's right. Deal with it!"

"He's also the So-Bad-They're-Funny-Puns Guy," Toph added.

"Yeah, and also the main Butt-Monkey for pretty much the whole show," Suki put in cheerfully.

"Yes, _thanks_ – I'll handle it from here, if you don't mind, guys," Sokka said, glaring wearily at both of them.

Suki smiled sweetly back at him. "Love you!"

"Well, even so," Sockson said, glowering somberly at Sokka, "I think I'm doing just fine without your help."

Sokka wanted to say many things – oh, so many things – but he resisted the urge yet again. Still, for a few moments, he could only stare silently at the angry live-action version of himself, struggling against the impulse to simply tell Sockson he was wrong. _So _wrong. The tired animated warrior rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache lurking there.

"Look," he said finally. "Just hear me out, okay? I know you tried to make some little jokes in the movie – I think maybe, uh, twice – but they weren't funny. At all."

"I think one of those times actually wasn't a joke, Sokka," Suki pointed out. "He just made a funny face because he was angry about something."

"Right," Sokka went on. "Okay, then, the reason that your _one _joke wasn't funny… well, there's actually several reasons, but for now we're just gonna focus on one… is because it didn't make sense."

"What do you mean?" Sockson demanded fiercely.

"Here, look," Sokka said, pointing to Movie Appa once again. "You see Old Blueface over there?"

"Of course I can see him!" Sockson growled angrily.

"Yeah, and see how one end of him has a face, with a mouth, and the other end has a long flat tail?" Sokka continued, slowly. "If he smacks you with his tail, and then you say something about how he's trying to eat you, it's just not funny. Understand?"

"No," Sockson said flatly.

Sokka ignored him. "Now, on the other hand, _I _shall demonstrate a joke that _is _funny. Here, give me a line. Say, uh, 'this is Appa, my flying bison.'"

"Why would I say such a thing?" Sockson snarled.

"Just do it, Ponytail!" Sokka ordered him impatiently.

Sockson hesitated for a moment, and then murmured stiffly and awkwardly: "This is Appa, my flying bison."

Sokka grinned, gesturing to Suki, and replied in a heavily sarcastic manner: "_Right_. And this is Suki, my flying girlfriend."

"Boo! Lame! Get off the stage!" Toph bellowed.

"Quiet, Toph!" Sokka simmered.

Toph giggled. "Looks like the non-funniness is contagious."

"But your girlfriend doesn't fly," Sockson protested, furrowing his brow seriously. "That doesn't make sense either. That's completely immature."

"It was funnier in Episode One," Sokka sighed, rubbing his forehead again. Definitely a headache coming on. "But you're missing the point, anyway! Everyone knows she can't fly. That's _why_ it's funny."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Sockson argued, somehow furrowing his brow even more deeply, and pursing his teeth again.

Sokka was beginning to grind his own teeth in frustration. "But it's funny because – because – because it's almost like what _you _said, except goofy… Get it?"

Sockson growled furiously. "This is a complete waste of time!" he shouted.

"Hey!" Sokka bellowed back, louder. "You know what's a real waste of time? You yammering on and on about all the boring and unimportant details of _tracking a Tiger Seal_, and then thinking that a bison's _butt_ is its _head_ a few minutes later!"

"Heh heh," Toph chuckled quietly to herself.

"But _I _don't see why _your _humor is more humorous than _my _humor!" Sockson roared back, face to face with Sokka.

"BECAUSE BUTTS DON'T _EAT_ PEOPLE!" Sokka yelled.

"MAYBE I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A BUTT!" Sockson shouted.

"If you couldn't tell that the side opposite from the GIGANTIC _BLUE FACE_ was the bison's butt, then you are clearly not competent enough to track Tiger Seals!" Sokka jabbed the live-action boy in the chest to drive his point home, causing Sockson to only grind his teeth harder in rage.

"_Are you insulting my hunting skills?_" Sockson demanded, quivering with fury.

"No! _Never_! What could _possibly _make you think _that _was what I was doing?" Sokka growled.

"Ah, now _there's_ some quality sarcasm!" Toph smirked. Suki's eyes nervously darted between the two boys, who were standing to chest to chest and bristling.

"Look, I'm just trying to help you out, here, okay?" Sokka went on, far past his boiling point. "It was a nice try, but it just wasn't funny. And maybe if you didn't act like such an _uptight, bad-tempered SOCIOPATH _all the time, people might _actually LIKE YOU_!"

"Uh, Sokka?" Suki spoke up timidly.

Sockson snarled. "I take my responsibilities _seriously_! I am a _grounded _character!"

"Grounded!" Sokka scoffed. "What does that even _mean_?"

"Should we… do something?" Toph asked Suki.

"I don't know," Suki said anxiously.

"I AM A BRAVE WARRIOR!" Sockson bellowed.

Sokka scoffed again. "What? 'Cause you got a ponytail?"

"It's a Warrior's Wolf-Tail!" Sockson shouted indignantly.

"No, no… " Sokka suddenly grabbed hold of Sockson's arm, flipped him around and held him in a secure headlock, drew his own sword and – in one clean swoop – chopped off a good length of Sockson's ponytail, leaving only a short, spiky tuft of hair.

"_That's _a Warrior's Wolf-Tail," Sokka declared in satisfied triumph, sheathing his sword smugly.

Short, astonished silence.

"… Uh, oh," Suki muttered.

Sockson, who had been too shocked to respond for a moment, suddenly roared and charged at Sokka. Sokka, just as eager to fight, charged back. Within seconds, the two boys were immersed in a fierce brawl, rolling in the snow and throwing angry fists at one another.

"Uh… Should we do something _now_?" Toph asked slowly.

"Let's," Suki nodded quickly.

The two girls took action, leaping to their feet and diving into the middle of the fist-fight. Despite the fact that Sockson was quite a bit taller than Sokka, Sokka was holding the upper hand in the fight – mostly because Sockson seemed to have no idea how to fight, and was just swinging his arms blindly. Suki darted into the brawl and grabbed hold of Sokka from behind, while Toph calmly grabbed Sockson by the furry collar of his parka and dragged him off to the side.

The two Water Tribe boys were snarling and bristling like angry wolves. Sockson attempted to charge at Sokka again, but Toph effortlessly threw him to the ground and sat on him.

"Chill!" she commanded.

"Sokka," Suki said gently in her fuming boyfriend's ear, still with her arms wrapped around him to calm him down. "Now, I'm not saying I think you were wrong, but calling him a _sociopath_ might have been going a bit too far."

"Yeah, and, uh, _chopping his hair off_," Toph added snidely.

"Yeah… that too," Suki nodded.

"But it _was_ pretty fantastic," Toph grinned, laughing. Sockson attempted to get up again, but Toph just pushed him casually back to the ground.

* * *

"I don't understand," Awng said, trudging through the thick snowy landscape behind Aang. "Why are we looking for penguins?"

"Because we're gonna go penguin sledding!" Aang declared happily, scanning the snowy horizon for any sign of penguins. They had walked quite a distance from the village already, and so far there were no penguins in sight. But Aang was undeterred – he was _going _to take this kid penguin sledding, even if it took them all day.

"What is… penguin sledding?" Awng asked, making his Scrunched-up Concentrating Face. Or maybe it was his Confused Blank Face.

"Just what it sounds like," Aang explained. "You catch a penguin, and then you ride it down a hill, like a sled."

"And the penguins actually let you do that?"

"Yep!"

"But – I don't understand."

Aang sighed, turning around to look at the live-action Airbender. "What don't you understand? The whole idea is pretty simple."

"I… I don't understand… what the point is," Awng said, scrunching his brow, his mouth slightly ajar. As usual.

"The point is to have _fun_," Aang explained slowly, reaching across to push the live-action boy's mouth shut for at least the second time that day. "I came here to help you be more like me, right? And you can't be more like me unless you learn how to have fun. And there's nothing more fun than sledding down a big snowy hill on the back of a penguin! Trust me – if that doesn't bring a sense of humor out of you, then _nothing _will."

The animated Airbender turned back around, about to resume his quest through the snow, when he caught sight of something in the distance. His face broke into a wide grin.

"_Penguins, ahoy_!" he cried, pointing. Awng looked and saw it as well: an entire flock of penguins, lounging in the white sunlight, a short distance away on their left.

"Let's go!" Aang said, taking off running and dragging the surprised live-action boy behind him.

* * *

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea," Awng said nervously.

The two Airbenders were perched atop a high, steep mountain of snow, sitting with their captured penguins, ready for takeoff. Aang was practically bouncing with eager excitement; but Awng glanced tentatively down the steep slope, his eyes wide with fear.

"It's a _great _idea!" Aang exclaimed, beaming. "Don't worry. It's better to just do it and not think about it too much. Here, hop onto the penguin. I'll give you a little nudge."

Awng hesitantly seated himself on the penguin's back, scooting up to the edge of the slope. Aang crept up behind him, smirking rather deviously.

"Aang…" Awng said, swallowing hard. "I think I've changed my mind, I want to get – _AAAAAHHH_!"

The live-action Airbender went flying down the slope, his screams reverberating wildly in the open arctic air. Aang snickered with satisfaction, and quickly hopped onto his own penguin, taking off down the slope after him.

The icy wind whistled in Aang's ears, and his heart bounced into his throat as his penguin gathered momentum. Aang laughed jovially, giving himself an extra burst of air to catch up with the live-action boy, who was still screaming – but, to Aang's immense relief, was actually beginning to laugh. Aang pulled up alongside Awng, whose eyes were watering in the wind and whose mouth was wide-open in a half-terrified, half-thrilled expression.

"You might wanna close your mouth," Aang shouted.

"What? Why – " Awng suddenly started gagging and choking on a bug that had flown into his mouth.

Aang laughed. "That's why! Come on, slowpoke – bet I can beat you to the bottom!"

With another jet of air, Aang and his penguin took off in a burst of speed, kicking up a cloud of snow behind them. Awng shook the snow out of his eyes, and started to laugh again, waving his arms to try to give himself a boost as well.

Of course, Aang – being an experienced penguin sledder – reached the bottom of the hill long before Awng did. When his penguin came to a stop, it stood up, and Aang tumbled backwards into the snow, laughing. Awng came down soon behind him, rather clumsily losing his balance at the bottom of the slope and falling face first into the snow. His own penguin got up and waddled indifferently away.

"See, wasn't that great?" Aang asked, grinning.

Awng, his face buried in the snow, seemed unable to stop laughing. He sat himself up slowly, his loud guffaws echoing happily in the empty landscape. Aang laughed as well.

"I knew that would do the trick," he said. "All you needed was a little fun, and – "

But Awng was not listening. He was still laughing, and didn't seem to be showing any signs of stopping. In fact, he was only getting louder.

Aang chuckled, a little uncomfortably. "Man, you really liked that, huh?" he asked.

The live-action Airbender still did not reply – just continued his loud, uncontrollable chortles.

"And… you're still laughing…" Aang muttered. He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Hey, Awng? _Awng_!"

Awng clutched his stomach, still laughing loudly enough to scare away all the penguins in the South Pole.

Aang, furrowing his brow, finally Waterbended a small snowball into the air and launched it directly at Awng's face, stopping him mid-guffaw. Awng blinked at him a few times, in a daze.

"Sorry," Awng said.

"It's okay," Aang said, standing up and helping his movie counterpart to his feet. "It's definitely a good start! We're finally making some progress. But there's one thing you've gotta learn about being a realistic character: _balance_."

"Balance?" Awng asked.

"Yep. You've gotta find the balance between having fun and being serious. There is a time and place for both, my friend. It's great to laugh – in fact, I do it all the time. If you never laugh, people will think there's something a little off about you, or they'll think you're boring. But if you do it _too _much, people will just think you're crazy. Understand?"

Awng nodded, blinking a few times. His mouth was still hanging open, but now at least he was actually smiling. Aang couldn't help but feel a small surge of pride.

"You'll get it," Aang grinned, patting the live-action Airbender on the shoulder. "You just need a little practice, that's all."

Awng grinned as well. "That was so much fun. I want to do it again!"

"Hey, you know," Aang nudged the other Airbender with his elbow, giving him a sly wink. "Maybe you could ask _Katarola_ to go penguin sledding with you, huh?"

But Awng just blinked at him. "Why?"

Aang burst into a fit of laughter himself. "_Why_?" he cried incredulously. Surely the live-action boy wasn't _that_ clueless...

However, Awng did not reply. He kept staring, forehead creased in confusion.

Aang chuckled quietly, rather uncomfortably, beginning to feel slightly perplexed himself. "Well…" he said tentatively, "you know… 'cause… I mean, you like her, don't you?"

Awng shrugged. "She seems nice. We only said a few lines to each other in the hut earlier. I guess we get along pretty well."

"Yeah, but I mean," Aang was beginning to flush awkwardly, "don't you... _like _her?"

Awng gave him his Confused Blank Face again. "I don't understand."

"You know…" Aang shuffled his feet in the snow, rubbing the back of his head. "She's a girl, she's pretty, she's nice, she's… uh… smart, I guess... Actually, I'm not really sure about that last part. But – you know?... She's a _girl_?"

Awng continued to stare blankly at him.

"You _did _actually notice that she's a girl, right?" Aang asked, deeply concerned.

"Well, sure," Awng shrugged again, wrinkling his brow. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

Aang massaged his forehead, feeling that he shouldn't have to _explain_ this sort of thing. "Uh, because… you're a guy, she's a girl. You know how it is, when there's a… a guy, and a girl…"

Awng's Confused Blank Face was beginning to morph into his Scrunched-up Face. "What?" he asked.

Aang could feel himself turning red, all the way to the tips of his ears. "Um, let's see, how can I put this?... You know, sometimes, when a guy meets a girl, and they get along well, sometimes they start to want to be _more_ than friends… you know?"

Blank stare.

"You see," Aang went on, "as boys and girls get older, they start to get these, uh, _feelings_…"

Continued blank stare.

"Maybe I should start over," Aang said hastily, seating himself on the ground. Awng sat down beside him, listening in deep curiosity. "Okay," Aang said, "let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a… a little boy penguin, and a little girl penguin. The boy and the girl penguin were really great friends, and did everything together, and had lots of fun. Then, one day, the boy penguin started to have these crazy new feelings for the girl penguin – powerful feelings he couldn't understand. And every time she came around, his heart would start pounding like crazy, and he'd get all nervous and clumsy and act like an idiot. And he started doing all kinds of dumb things, just to try to get her attention; and he spent a lot of time going out of his way to do things just for her, because he wanted to make her happy; and he felt like he was losing his mind because all he could ever think about was how amazing she was… so fun, and smart, and caring… with those deep, beautiful, icy blue eyes that glistened like the moon on the ocean… and the way she'd smile at him… with the wind in her hair loopies – "

"Huh?" Awng interrupted in bewilderment. Aang had begun drifting off into a state of dreamy bliss.

"What?" Aang said, returning to reality. "Oh… oh, yeah, so anyway, as I was saying… The boy penguin wanted to tell the girl penguin about all these crazy feelings he had, but he was afraid that she didn't have any of those feelings for him. And then finally he kissed her, and things got weird, and the girl penguin said she was confused, which just made the boy penguin feel confused. Then he kissed her again, and she ran away, and he was embarrassed and wanted to die… But finally the boy penguin saved the world, and then _she _kissed _him,_ and after that it was okay… and the boy and girl penguin lived happily ever after!... Any of this getting through to you?"

Awng gaped at Aang, looking somehow even more confused than before. "_Huh_?"

Aang thought he would burst with impatience. "Good grief, kid!" he cried. "Don't you have any emotions at all? I'm _not _going to explain to you where babies come from!"

Awng stared, mouth hanging open, utterly perplexed. Aang felt a heavy curtain of doom and discomfort slowly settle over him.

"You're going to make me explain it, aren't you?" he finally said, reluctantly.

Awng's clueless stare said it all - the boy had no idea what he was talking about. Aang realized he had to help the poor kid. But why did it have to be _this_? For a moment Aang could only scratch his head, bury his face in his knees, and breathe – gathering strength. Before he'd even begun to speak, he could already feel the heat creeping up his neck and into his face. Awng watched him patiently, scrunching his eyebrows in curiosity.

"Okay, okay. _Fine_. Come here," Aang said in annoyed resignation, gesturing the live-action boy to lean in closer. After taking another deep breath and bracing himself for the embarrassment, Aang began to hastily whisper the facts of life into Awng's ear.

"Ah... I see," Awng murmured, furrowing his brow, listening with deep fascination. "Oh… uh-huh… oh!... _Oh_!... _OHHH_! _Really_?… Huh."

"Yeah," Aang finished, thoroughly relieved and blushing furiously. "That's the basic idea, anyway."

Awng's face glowed with enlightenment. "Wait," he said suddenly, "but what does _that _have to do with penguins?"

"What? Nothing!" Aang exclaimed, taken aback. "The penguins were just a metaphor!"

"Oh," Awng replied, his eyes still wide with amazement.

Aang sighed again – a sigh that was almost a growl – and pressed his fingers into his temples fiercely, willing himself to stop blushing. He stared straight ahead, out at the snowy landscape, and started to whistle a little tune to make himself feel less awkward. How had he got himself into this situation?

Awng suddenly looked at Aang again, his eyes now full of suspicion and something like awe. "Hold on," he said. "Don't tell me – ? _You've _never – ?"

Aang glanced at him, quickly realizing what he was implying, and shook his head hastily. "What? Me? No! _No_! No, no, no! I'm still too young for that!… I just… I just know how it's done, that's all." The animated boy blushed again, somehow even more profoundly than before.

"Oh," Awng replied, looking away pensively. "Hm. Well, then…"

"Yeah…" Aang murmured uncomfortably.

"But – well, that's interesting and all," Awng began, suddenly a little sad, "But I... I guess that's not important for me."

"What do you mean?" Aang asked, curious and extremely eager to change the subject.

"Well, you know," Awng explained with a melancholy sigh, "when they first told me… that I was the Ahvatar – "

"_Avatar_," Aang coughed.

"What?"

"Nothing. Keep going."

"They said… that I could… never have a family," Awng finished, staring at the ground solemnly and sadly.

"What?" Aang exclaimed, bewildered. "Never have a family? Who told you that nonsense?"

"Well… Lord Shyamalan did, actually."

"Aha. I should have known." Aang shook his head.

"You mean it's not true?" Awng's eyes turned to Aang, burning with a small spark of hope.

Aang chuckled a little. "Well, let's just say that, if that actually _is _a rule, I'm pretty sure every Avatar who ever lived broke it."

"Really?" Awng said, beginning to smile a little. "So that means the Avatar can like girls, too?"

"You'd better believe it," Aang smirked. "And don't you mean the _Ahvatar_?"

"Huh? Oh," Awng's eyes shifted slightly. "Right. That's what I said."

Suddenly Toph and Katara appeared, approaching the two Airbenders from the direction of the village.

"Hey, bald guys!" Toph shouted. "Playtime's over. Apparently we have to go."

Aang rose to his feet, quickly Airbending the snow off of his clothes. "Go?" he asked. "Go where?"

Katara rolled her eyes. "To the Earth Kingdom."

"Why do we need to go there?" Aang asked.

Katara just shrugged. "Beats me. But Dainty Katarola says we've got to go do the rest of the movie right away."

"Yeah," Toph added. "And apparently we're already really behind schedule, or something, so we're just gonna skip over the Southern Air Temple and go straight to the Earth Kingdom."

"I'm not really sure why they need to go to the Earth Kingdom at all, seeing as how Awng is still here and they don't actually _know _anyone in the Earth Kingdom," Katara rolled her eyes yet again. "But they really want to go, apparently because that's where the next scene is supposed to happen. And because Lord Shyamalan says so."

"Oh. We're skipping the Air Temple?" Awng groaned in disappointment, rising to his feet as well. "But… but that means I won't get to discover the bones of the Air Nomads and do my big, agonized '_NOOO!_'… And I've been practicing it!"

Aang shrugged helplessly at him. "Well, you'll just have to do your big, agonized '_NOOO!_' some other time. Come on."

The group trudged unhappily off, back through the snow toward the Water Tribe village. While Toph and Awng went forward, Katara and Aang hung back slightly. She slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Looks like you got through to him," she smiled. "He seems much livelier than before. Told you you could do it!"

Aang smiled faintly back at her, but sighed with deep weariness. "Katara," he began.

"Yeah?"

"Just in case we ever have kids one day… _You're _giving them the Talk."

Katara furrowed her brow, glancing away in awkward confusion. "Uh… okay?"

…

"Hey!" Zuko shouted in alarm from the deck of the Fire Nation ship. He had come outside just in time to see Movie Appa passing by overhead, carrying both Aangs, both Kataras, and both Sokkas, plus Toph and Suki.

"What's going on – _hey_!" Z-Patel emerged behind Zuko, catching sight of the CGI bison and its passengers as well.

"They're leaving without me!" Zuko exclaimed angrily.

"The Ahvatar is getting away!" Z-Patel bellowed, even more angrily – not to be outdone by his animated counterpart.

Zuko glared at him. "Seriously, I'm telling you, you're not gonna catch him. You might as well just give up right now and save yourself a lot of trouble."

"What is all this noise?" Iroh queried, coming out onto the deck of the ship as well, followed by the yawning Eeroh – who had seemingly just woken from his nap and, consequently, had an extraordinary case of dreadlocked bed-head.

"Uncle!" Zuko cried, pointing at Movie Appa, who was now little more than a white speck in the sky. "The others all left without us! How could they do that?"

Iroh and Eeroh both stroked their beards pensively, casually glancing at the vanishing glimpse of Appa.

"Well, that _is _rather rude!" Iroh muttered, then shrugged. "Oh, well. No matter. We're all going to end up in the same place, anyway."

"That's true," Eeroh nodded. "You two can just come with us. We're headed to the Earth Kingdom, and so are they. We're bound to cross paths again eventually. And if nothing else, we'll just meet up with them at the North Pole during the climax of the movie."

"But – !" Zuko and Z-Patel protested simultaneously.

"Now, now, Zuko," Iroh shook his head at his animated nephew. "No complaints. You're just going to have to try to get along with Z-Patel until we meet up with the others again."

"And, Z-Patel," Eeroh cast a stern glance at his own live-action nephew. "You'll just have to try to be nice. And _please_, do attempt to relax a bit, for all of our sakes."

Zuko and Z-Patel exchanged irritated scowls, and then both looked back at their respective uncles with a sigh of unhappy resignation.

"Fine," they mumbled in unison.

* * *

**What will happen to our heroes and their movie counterparts once they arrive in the Earth Kingdom? Will Awng find his personality? Will Sockson grow back his ponytail? Will Katarola finally stop narrating? Will Zuko ever learn the truth of the fourth wall?... You'll just have to wait and see! Mwahahaha...**


	5. Part Five: Earthbenders?

**Another new chapter - with loads of sarcastic commentary in every bite!**

**So, a large portion of the dialogue and action in this chapter (especially later on) is transcribed basically word-for-word from the movie... I know that these scenes have already been torn to shreds by many other unhappy fans, but they're just _so hilariously bad._ I couldn't leave them out.**

**Anyway, all of you who reviewed are SUPER AWESOME, and you definitely inspire me to keep going! Hope it continues to be amusing. :D**

**(Btw, Fyre: I like your very long and thorough commentary on the first chapter. :D However, the musical score of the movie wasn't done by the Track Team; it was by James Newton Howard, who actually did a lovely job! The soundtrack was the only thing about the movie that could actually be called _good - _one track called "Flow Like Water" is really quite beautiful. However, it just makes me sad to listen to it, because it only reminds me of how awesome the movie _should _have been. *wistful sigh*)**

**(Oh, and for those of you who were wondering how Aang heard 'the Talk' in the first place... well, beats me! But Air Nomads have to reproduce too, don't they? Maybe Aang learned from some older Airbender boys? Or maybe even Gyatso told him?... Or, more likely, Aang learned about it from Sokka, lol. Either way, I'm sure Aang's explanation was, ahem, _interesting_...)**

**Anyway... DISCLAIMER! I do not own anything with the word "Airbender" in the title. Especially if it's following the word "Last." No matter if it's animated or live-action. Yep, yep.**

* * *

**PART FIVE**

**"In Which Team Avatar Wonders How Many Earthbenders Does It Take to Throw a Rock?"**

…

The afternoon sunlight washed the tranquil Earth Kingdom forest in a cheerful golden-green hue. A gentle breeze drifted through the slender branches of the trees scattered about, and lingered lazily in the delicate blades of tall grass that filled the small clearing. Toph was the first to leap off of Movie Appa's back, rolling happily on the ground.

"Dirt!" she sighed. "Sweet, beautiful dirt! How I missed you!"

Katarola, Awng and Sockson all dismounted, followed by the rest of Team Avatar. Awng took a few steps away and solemnly seated himself on the ground, his back turned to everyone else. He was still disappointed at the fact that they'd skipped over his big dramatic scene at the Southern Air Temple, and had been pouting quietly since they'd left the South Pole. Katara, stretching from the long flight, glanced around at the forest scene for a moment and turned to Katarola.

"So, explain to me again," she said, "_why_ are we here?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's nice to get a change of scenery and all," Aang added. "But why was it so important for us to come to the Earth Kingdom all of a sudden?"

"Well, the script says that we're supposed to come to the Southern Earth Kingdom after Awng finds the bones at the Air Temple," Katarola explained, blinking rapidly and smiling girlishly. "But we're running behind schedule, so we just skipped that Air Temple part and came straight here."

"Yes, but _why_ did we need to come here at all?" Katara asked, frowning impatiently. "What are we doing here? Are we on our way to the North Pole now, so Awng can learn Waterbending? If so, then when did you guys _decide _that? I don't recall anyone talking about it at all."

"Oh, no," Katarola shook her head, smiling blankly. "See, actually, in the script it says that right now we're not even supposed to know that Awng _is _the Ahvatar."

Katara gaped at her incredulously. "… What."

Katarola nodded quickly. "Of course, we know he is _now_, since all of you showed up. But Awng wasn't actually supposed to reveal to us that he's the Ahvatar until the scene _after _this one. Right now Sockson and I were just supposed to be _suspecting_ that he might be the Ahvatar because our grandmother thought he was."

Sockson (who had developed a rather lovely black eye from his fight with Sokka) spoke up impatiently, "In fact, we weren't even supposed to find out his name until the Southern Air Temple scene. But you cartoon characters sort of messed everything up, so – "

"Wait, wait, wait," Sokka interrupted, waving his hands in disbelief. "So, let me get this straight. You two left home, in the middle of a war, to hang out with a strange bald kid on a flying bison – AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIS _NAME_?"

"Well… but... didn't you guys do that, too?" Katarola asked, blinking innocently.

"Yeah, but we actually made friends with him first!" Sokka cried in frustration. "What kind of idiots leave their home to go flying off with a random stranger that they've barely spoken to?"

Sockson and Katarola glanced awkwardly at each other, and did not reply.

"And anyway," Katara added, nearly as frustrated as her brother, " in Season One, the reason _we _went to the Earth Kingdom with Aang was because we already knew he was the Avatar, and we were on our way to the North Pole to learn Waterbending. You guys don't have a reason to be here! You're just _here_! _Why_? _What's your motivation_?"

"Because…" Katarola gasped timidly, her lips trembling. "Because… Lord Shyamalan said so?"

Katara and Sokka both clenched their fists and growled in irritation.

"Guys," Aang spoke up, hoping to calm the animated siblings down. "Remember what Iroh said back in Chapter Two? There's no cause and effect in this world. Things just happen because it's their time to happen. That's just the way it is here."

Sokka clutched at his hair and shook his head. "Ugh! This goes against _everything _I believe in!"

"Sokka, calm down," Suki said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "There's nothing we can do. We're here now – we'll just have to go along with it."

"Yeah, relax, guys," Toph spoke up, still lounging happily on the ground and grinning. "Don't get so worked up about things. It's just a movie."

"Oh, sure, Toph," Katara grumbled. "That's easy for you to say. You don't have a live-action version of yourself running around acting like an idiot!"

Toph giggled, rolling over in the dirt. "Sorry, Sweetness. But even if I _did_, I wouldn't get as crazy as you guys are about it. I mean, seriously – lighten up!"

Katara clenched her teeth in annoyance, but Aang hastily took hold of her hand and squeezed it to calm her down.

"Don't listen to Toph, Katara," Aang said quickly. "She just doesn't understand. Like Suki said, there's nothing we can do for now – might as well just go along with it, right?"

Katara sighed after a moment. "I guess you're right, Aang. We'll just have to make the best of it."

Resignedly, Team Avatar dispersed themselves around the forest clearing, finding comfortable places to sit down and pass the time. Sockson and Katarola pulled some of their supplies off of Movie Appa's saddle and began making themselves look busy. Awng, still sitting with his back to everyone, began indifferently tearing up blades of grass and twirling them around his fingers.

Silence settled over the group – the only sound to be heard was the distant chattering of some birds in the trees, and the soft buzzing clicks of insects in the grass. Sokka, leaning against a fallen tree trunk, grabbed a piece of bark from off the ground and began whittling it with a knife, while Suki lounged against his shoulder and fanned herself lazily. Katara spread out on her back in the tall grass, busying herself with finding pictures in the clouds, while Aang reclined with his head on her stomach and blew little spurts of air at passing insects. After a few minutes, Toph – who hadn't budged from her happy place in the dirt – began to snore loudly.

For a good half an hour at least, absolutely nothing happened.

However, only Team Avatar seemed to grow restless. The Movie Characters, totally unconcerned, simply continued doing nothing. At last, Katara broke the silence with a heavy sigh.

"I'm bored," she declared.

"Yeah," Sokka agreed, yawning. "Isn't something supposed to happen, or something?"

Katarola glanced around the forest, blinking and twitching with emotion. "Well, Haru should be here any minute, with some Fire Nation soldiers behind him."

"Haru's in this movie?" Aang asked, wrinkling his brow. "I don't remember seeing him when we watched it before."

"Maybe we just missed it," Katara shrugged.

Aang sat up, stretched, yawned, and rose to his feet. "Well – time for a bathroom break."

"Ooh! I gotta go too," Sokka cried, standing so suddenly that Suki tumbled backwards with a small cry of surprise. The two animated boys wandered off a little distance into the forest, while Katara and Suki just glanced at one another and shook their heads.

"_Boys_," Suki sighed.

Meanwhile, Awng was watching Katarola shyly out of the corner of his eye. After a moment, he took a deep breath, stood, and walked casually up behind her. She was in the process of rolling and unrolling a sleeping bag repetitively, while smiling blankly and humming to herself.

"So, Katarola," Awng began awkwardly, beginning to blush. "I was just thinking, uh… maybe… when we get back to the South Pole, you and me could, uh…"

Katarola gave him a brief, empty smile, blinked her dewy eyes a few times, and continued humming and pretending to be busy.

"You know… maybe the two of us, um…" Awng dissolved into incoherent mumbles, his already meager store of confidence hastily draining out of him as he realized the girl was paying no attention to him. "Katarola?"

"Uh-huh?" the live-action girl said, still smiling distantly and humming to herself.

"Did you, uh – ?" Awng asked hesitantly. "Did you hear what I – ?"

But Katarola just went on humming, utterly oblivious.

Awng finally sighed in dejection. "Never mind," he said, returning to his seat in the grass.

Meanwhile, Suki was joining Toph in a light doze. And Katara, still lying on the ground and staring at the clouds, was drifting off into a daydream of her own, when she was suddenly jerked back to reality by Sockson, who plopped himself heavily onto the ground beside her.

"Hey," he said, smirking oddly. "How _you _doing?"

Katara stared uncomfortably at the live-action version of her brother, her eyes shifting slightly. "Uh… can I help you?"

"Actually, I was wondering if I could help _you_," Sockson grinned at her in a very strange way. "It must have hurt pretty bad, huh?"

"What must have hurt?" Katara asked reluctantly, immediately wishing that she'd kept her mouth shut.

"_When you fell out of heaven_," Sockson smirked slyly, the poofy remains of his ponytail bouncing unflatteringly.

"_What_?" she cried, aghast, sitting up very quickly and scooting away from him.

"I've always kind of had a thing for Japanese chicks," Sockson said, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her. "You know, I was a vampire once… Girls like vampires, right?"

Katara threw up in her mouth a little.

"UGH! Ew! _Ewww_!" Katara shrieked, jumping to her feet and backing as far away from Sockson as possible.

Suki woke up again at Katara's outburst, bewildered. "Wha's going on?" she mumbled.

"Okay, _first of all_," Katara roared, flushing and quivering with fury, "there are _so _many things wrong with what you just said that I can't even begin to describe it! I'm the animated version of _your sister_! What's _wrong _with you? And second – that was _completely_ out of character! And third – you're a jerk! And fourth – I'm with _Aang_! And fifth – I'm _not_ Japanese! And last – and last… _you're a jerk_! And you're _sick_! And – EWWW! _Ugh_!"

"Katara, what's going on?" came Aang's voice, full of concern, as he and Sokka reappeared at the edge of the clearing.

Katara pointed a disgusted finger at Sockson, and sputtered horrified nonsense for a moment. She was so overcome with fury and repulsion, she found she had lost all ability to form comprehensible words.

"Sockson!" Suki cried in shock, rising to her feet. "Were you – were you _hitting _on Katara?"

"WHAT?" Sokka and Aang both shouted at the same time, their faces turning red with rage.

"Hey, hey," Sockson raised his hands innocently, shrugging. "Nothing to get so upset about. I was just trying to make conversation – "

"_Nothing to get upset about_?" Sokka roared through his teeth, instinctively reaching for both his sword and his boomerang.

However, Aang beat him to the draw, and blasted Sockson all the way to the other end of the clearing with a furious burst of air. Sockson tumbled head-over-heels through the grass, grunting and landing very awkwardly sprawled. Aang was so livid he couldn't even speak – he simply stood there, clenching his fists and steaming.

Toph awoke with a snort at the uproar, sitting upright very suddenly, her hair in disarray. "Whoa – " she mumbled. "What'd I miss? Something exciting?"

Sokka marched fiercely up to Sockson, stepping firmly on his movie counterpart's chest and pointing his boomerang directly into Sockson's nose.

"You'd best watch your back, Pasty Boy," Sokka snarled threateningly. "Or I _will _hurt you. Again. Got it?"

Katara, shuddering and shaking her head fervently, finally found she was regaining her ability to speak. "Okay, you know what – that's _it_!" she exclaimed. "The Weepy Narrator was bad enough, but _this_ – ! I can't _take_ it anymore! I want to go back to the Animated Universe!"

"No – you all can't leave yet!" Awng protested, his forehead creased with dismay. "There's still so much I have to learn!"

"Trust me, I feel your pain, Katara," Sokka sighed angrily, turning disdainfully away from Sockson. "But I'm afraid we won't be able to leave. We haven't even gotten to some of the more ridiculous scenes of the movie yet. I doubt the fanfic author's gonna let us get away that easy."

Sockson rose to his feet, frowning irritably at all of them, his eyes darting around uneasily. Katarola stood off to the side, gaping tearfully at everyone.

Katara bit her lip for a moment, struggling to hold down the frustration, and at last released a fierce snarl.

"Okay, _fine_… But _you_ – !" She pointed a powerful and dangerous finger directly at Sockson, her eyes smoldering. "If you try _anything _like that _ever again_, you're going to find yourself frozen in a block of ice! Understand?" she growled.

Sockson's eyes actually grew wide in terror for a brief instant.

Suddenly – at just the most awkward moment possible – a small, delicate-looking boy with long black curls burst into the scene. Wordlessly, expressionlessly, the boy ran straight to Sokka and ducked behind the animated warrior's back.

"Oh, good, the scene's here!" Katarola breathed, smiling slightly with tearful relief.

"Uh… whatcha doin' there, buddy?" Sokka asked, bewildered. He attempted to step away from the strange boy, but the boy followed him silently, clinging to his arm for protection as if Sokka was his parent, rather than a complete stranger in the forest.

"My – you're a… friendly little guy, aren't you?" Sokka muttered uncomfortably, perplexed. "You know I'm not your daddy, right, kid?"

"Hold on, guys," Toph said suddenly, beginning to laugh. "I think that's Haru!"

Before Team Avatar had a moment to comprehend this unusual fact, a group of five or six Fire Nation soldiers came marching into the clearing, carrying rather absurdly large spears and looking peeved.

"That child is being arrested!" the leader of the soldiers announced.

Katarola stepped forward quickly and gasped, "_For what_?" – intensely emotional, clearly putting every ounce of her passion into saying her lines now that the time had finally come.

"He was bending tiny stones at us from behind a tree," the head soldier explained, glancing around indignantly at the group. "_It really hurt_!"

"Wow," Sokka said flatly. "You actually said that."

Toph was snickering uncontrollably. "Hey, wimpy soldier guy!" she said, grinning snidely. "Yeah, you know this isn't a funny movie, right? You're just gonna confuse the movie audience and make them feel awkward if you run around saying stuff like that."

"Uh, um… Line?" Katarola blinked, looking around in pouty-lipped confusion. Then: "Oh, right!... _He can bend Earth_?" she went on hastily, breathy and passionate, turning her wide eyes upon the silent Baby Haru. Meanwhile Baby Haru, still hiding behind Sokka, was staring distractedly at a small ladybug on the ground, apparently having entirely forgotten why he was there or what was happening..

"Earthbending is forbidden in this village," the soldier announced, now appropriately serious.

Katarola waited a moment before responding, with increased emotional gasping. "_Leave him alone!_" she breathed fervently. "You're not taking him anywhere!"

Sockson, who had been watching the exchange silently, seemed to suddenly remember that he was supposed to say something. Stepping forward quickly, and pursing his teeth again, he drew his boomerang.

"No one… is taking… _anybody away_!" he cried, in manner suspiciously similar to that of an unhappy toddler.

"You know," Sokka interjected after an awkward beat, glaring at Sockson. "Throwing a tantrum is _really_ not very threatening. Especially for someone your age."

Sockson glared at Sokka, frowning stiffly – almost pouting. Perhaps he was still upset about being rejected by Katara, then tossed around the forest by Aang, and then threatened with violence by _everyone_. But Sokka felt no sympathy for him whatsoever – after all, he'd brought it all on himself.

Meanwhile, Toph yawned loudly. "Is this supposed to be an interesting part? 'Cause I'm bored. Can't we just beat these guys up and move on?"

"You can't beat us!" the head soldier declared, frowning. "We're _Firebenders_!"

Sokka raised his eyebrows at the head soldier, chuckling and waving his hands dismissively. "Yeah, but this is the Movie World, and here you actually need _fire _to Firebend. And I don't see any fire around here… Unless you've got some hidden in your pockets, Wimpy Guy?"

"But…" one of the background soldiers spoke up hesitantly, "we've got big spears!"

"Quiet, Kevin!" the head soldier shouted at him. "You're not supposed to be a speaking character! That's _my _job!"

Off to the side, Aang elbowed Awng surreptitiously. "Hey! Aren't you going to do something?"

Awng stared blankly at him, his eyes wide and hopeless. "What could I possibly do?"

Aang breathed – shut his eyes tightly for a moment and willed himself not to explode with impatience. At last he forced a small smile and said very slowly: "Awng. You… are… the_… Avatar_. Remember?"

Awng gaped at him, blinking. "I – I don't understand," he said.

Aang slapped his own forehead in exasperation. "_Okay_," he said finally, with an annoyed sigh. He was still upset about the incident with Sockson earlier, and was in no mood for this nonsense. "I guess _I'll _do something, then."

"Sure," Sokka shrugged indifferently. "Let's just knock these guys around a bit and take off on – hey, wait, what happened to Old Blueface?"

"You mean Movie Appa?" Katarola gasped, blinking. "He flew off."

Sokka stared at her for a long moment. "… Okay."

"No! You're crazy!" Sockson protested, frowning at Sokka. "There's no way we can take down these Fire Nation soldiers!... They use _metal _stuff!"

Sokka scoffed. "Oh, come on! These wimps? This is nothing! They don't even have any fire to bend! _I _could take these guys out _by myself_, if I had to! They don't stand a – "

* * *

Awng, Katarola, Sockson, Baby Haru, and Team Avatar were all being marched off to prison in handcuffs.

Sokka stammered in shock. "Wait – what just happened?"

"I – uh," Katara, too, was utterly taken aback. "I – I think we just got captured…?"

"But – how did this happen?" Aang cried.

"I think – I think there was a scene cut, or something," Suki said. "We were about to fight – and then we were here…"

"This is really lame," Toph complained, blowing impatiently at her bangs.

"_After we got captured, the soldiers took us to the prison where they kept all the Earthbenders,_" Katarola narrated breathily, marching behind the perplexed members of Team Avatar.

"Hey!" Katara hissed impatiently, glaring over her shoulder at the live-action girl. "What did I tell you about that narrating stuff?"

Katarola shut her mouth hastily, her eyes wide with fear.

"Well," Sokka spoke up with uncharacteristic optimism. "I guess this must be the part where we convince the Earthbenders to revolt. This is your big moment of awesomeness, Katara! That should cheer you up, right?"

Katara grumbled. She realized she couldn't remember this scene from when they'd watched the movie before – perhaps she'd simply blocked it from her memory. She seemed to recall, though, that there was something about it that she'd deeply hated. Or, more likely, several things that she'd hated. Whatever it was, however, she didn't remember.

But as soon as the Fire Nation soldiers opened the metal gates and pushed the handcuffed group into the prison, it all suddenly began to come back to her.

"Wait," Toph exclaimed beside her. "Is this an Earthbender prison… _made of ROCKS_?"

Katara sighed wearily. "I hate this movie."

Baby Haru suddenly spoke for the first time, crying out, "Dad!" He ran forward, as the gates of the prison clanged shut behind them, and knelt to embrace an older man sitting beside a tent.

As the group approached, Baby Haru turned back to them. "This is my father," he said.

"No way!" Toph cried sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"This is the Fire Nation's plan. Suppress all other Bending," Sockson suddenly explained to everyone, without any provocation, through his angry clenched teeth.

"_Really_?" Sokka glared irritably at him. "Thanks for clearing that up for us, Genius. How could we ever get along without you?"

Katara glanced around at the scene, scowling. They were all in what appeared to be a mountainous valley, and scattered around the dismal area were various beige tents and a few metal torches on stands – presumably for the Firebenders, to enable them to keep the Earthbenders in line. The Earthbending prisoners themselves were all wandering around the place forlornly, uselessly. Katara could only press her fingers against her eyelids in frustration – _Why_? _Why_? she thought.

For several moments, no one said anything. The Movie Characters all began glancing at one another uncomfortably. At last, Katarola gave Awng a small nudge with her elbow. Awng jumped, realizing that it was his turn to say his line. He stepped forward toward Baby Haru and his father. "How did this happen to your village?" he recited stiffly.

"The Fire Nation sent soldiers," the man said, clearly having practiced his own lines very thoroughly. "We fought them and defeated them… then they sent their machines… Huge machines made of metal… There was nothing we could do… Those who could not Bend were allowed to live in peace, but we were imprisoned."

"In a prison MADE OF _ROCKS_!" Toph added furiously, unable to help herself. She was clearly growing quite irate at the entire situation, and looked just about ready to explode. "Seriously! What's _wrong _with you people?"

"You don't understand," Sockson growled at her angrily. "No one can fight against… _the machines_!"

Toph bit her lip and clenched her fists. "I don't _believe _this…!" she muttered ferociously.

Katara gave Katarola a shove. "Hey, Cupcake" she said, "isn't it about time for you to give these people a motivational speech?"

Katarola blinked at her, her weepy eyes wide and full of confusion. "No," the live-action girl said, shaking her head with great emphasis. "I'm supposed to stand here and wait for something to happen now."

"What?" Katara demanded. "Why?"

"Because…" Katarola stammered, open-mouthed, "because Lord Shyamalan said so."

Meanwhile, Awng – with a newfound determination to play his part to the fullest – was stepping forward into the middle of the rocky prison. He knew he had to give it his all now, especially since he'd been cheated out of his dramatic scene at the Air Temple.

"EARTHBENDERS!" he shouted.

Katara groaned inwardly. "Oh, no… Now I remember the _other_ reason why I hated this scene!"

"Why are you acting this way?" the live-action Avatar continued, turning in a circle to address all of the imprisoned Earthbenders. "You are powerful and amazing people!"

"My moment," Katara shook her head remorsefully, hiding her face in her hands. "They took my moment! Why? _Why_? I _hate_ this movie!"

Sokka placed a comforting hand on his sister's shoulder. "Sorry," he muttered. "I forgot about that."

"You don't need to live like this," Awng went on with his inspirational speech. "There's Earth right beneath your feet!... The ground is an extension of _who you are_!"

"Wow, look," Toph growled in deep irritation, "even Captain Oblivious over there gets it!... Can I please kill something?"

"... If the Avatar had returned," Awng said slowly to the Earthbenders, "would that mean anything to you?"

A group of three Earthbenders approached.

"The Avatar is _dead_," said the first Earthbender, apparently the leader. "If he was here, he would protect us."

Awng hesitated for a moment, then pushed back the hood of his cloak to reveal his Airbending tattoos. "My name is Awng," he declared. "And I am the Avatar!"

"Hey," Suki whispered to Sokka in confusion, "I thought they pronounced it _Ahvatar_ here?"

Sokka shrugged. "I think they forgot."

"I ran away," Awng concluded his grand speech. "... But I'm back now."

Brief silence around the prison.

"Well, that was riveting," Katara grumbled angrily.

"Hey, look up there!" Sokka pointed. A small, white flying creature suddenly swooped over their heads – seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "It's Momo! Where the heck did he come from?"

But it didn't matter, because Momo simply flew off a moment later, and did not return to the scene.

Sokka furrowed his brow. "Well, that was random."

"Uh, line?" Awng muttered, glancing nervously at Katarola and Sockson. Katarola mouthed "_It's time..._" Awng quickly perked up. "Oh, yeah!... IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP DOING THIS!"

"Stop doing _what_?" Toph cried furiously. "Being _morons_?"

Fire Nation soldiers were beginning to surround Awng on all sides, swaggering with evil confidence.

"The Avatar would have to be an Airbender," a particularly obnoxious Fire Nation soldier pointed out disdainfully, smirking at Awng. "Are _you _an Airbender, _boy_?" He and his evil Fire Nation buddies all shared a good chuckle at that.

"Uh, _hello_!" Sokka bellowed. "Bald head? Arrow tattoos? Two plus two equals four? Any of this getting through to you, Brainiac?"

But Katarola, excited that it was finally her turn to do something, ran forward and enthusiastically shoved the Fire Nation soldier in the chest. "_Leave him alone_!" she cried vehemently.

Katara could only slap her own forehead with her palm. Again.

The Fire Nation soldier, apparently having no qualms about picking on dainty little girls, roared and charged back at Katarola – seemingly to shove her back and show her who was boss. But before the two of them could get into an all-out pushing and shoving contest, Awng waved his arms and began to stir up a dusty whirlwind.

"_H-how is he doing that_?" another of the Fire Nation soldiers cried, genuinely astonished.

Sokka thought he was going to burst with frustration. "HE'S AN _AIRBENDER_! Pay attention! _Geesh_!"

"All Airbenders should be dead!" the soldier shouted. "KILL HIM!"

"Oh, boy, here we go," Sokka sighed.

Katara just shook her head, having already given up hope several minutes ago. Aang, who was still in quite a foul mood, only stared at the scene in dull annoyance. Toph was tapping her feet impatiently, scowling.

"Do you think maybe we should do something?" Suki asked.

Sokka only sighed again. "Nah. It's not really worth the effort."

However, Sockson quickly ran forward, taking his place alongside Awng and Katarola. He reached instinctively for his boomerang, but all he grabbed was air. Remembering suddenly that the Fire Nation soldiers had taken all his weapons when he was captured, he raised his fists nervously and stared wildly around the prison.

"Okay," he bellowed, eyes darting anxiously. "_EVERYBODY CAN HELP US NOW_!"

Suki, expecting a snarky comment from Sokka, glanced at him. But Sokka only opened his mouth to say something, then closed it a moment later with a helpless shrug. "I… I got nothing," he said.

"Psh, please!" Toph muttered bitterly. "There's _no way_ that all these _idiots _around here are gonna suddenly _do_ something just because little Baldy over there gave them a speech. I mean, they've been sitting in this place SURROUNDED BY _ROCKS_ for who knows how long! And the speech wasn't even that great! He can't _really _expect – "

But at that moment a small rock whizzed by, hitting the leader of the Fire Nation soldiers in the back of the head.

"Oh, _come on_!" Toph shouted, stomping her feet in annoyance.

The Fire Nation soldier who'd been hit turned around to face his attacker, his face contorted in rage. Suddenly - bafflingly - he appeared to start having a convulsion, jerking his head and arms in odd directions and grunting.

"Uh, is he okay?" Katara asked.

"Maybe that rock hit a nerve or something?" Suki said.

But as the soldier's convulsion ended, he gave a deep roar and and scrunched his face with evil intensity, and a stream of fire flew out of the nearest metal torch. Team Avatar realized that he was Firebending. Simultaneously, they all burst into laughter.

"Well, that was embarrassing," Sokka said, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye.

The stream of fire flew past them, aimed at Baby Haru – who, of course, had been the one to throw the little stone in the first place. It took a several moments for the flames to fly at the delicate little boy, but – despite the fact that he had plenty of time to do so – Baby Haru didn't try to run away. Instead, he just cowered and attempted to shield himself with his arms, which he apparently believed to be fireproof. Luckily, a wall of earth sprang up out of the ground at the last moment, blocking the flames from hitting him. Baby Haru turned to the side and saw that it was his own father who had created the wall of earth, and who was now standing in a wary fighting stance, staring defiantly at the guards.

The other Earthbenders, apparently inspired by the newfound realization that they could actually _do _something with the dirt and rocks all around them, rose up one by one, ready to revolt. It appeared that a huge battle scene was about to commence.

"This is just… unbelievable," Katara muttered, shaking her head.

Aang, who had been in an increasingly bad temper for quite a while now, finally decided it was time to put a stop to all this nonsense.

"Hey, everyone!" he shouted suddenly. "Check this out."

Giving a single firm stomp with his foot, the animated Airbender sent a cracking shudder rippling through the ground. Piles of earth launched into the air all around the rocky enclosure, hovered for a split second over the various metal torches around the area, and dropped.

POOF!

Every fire in the place instantly extinguished with a collective, pathetic hiss.

Stunned silence.

The Fire Nation soldiers all gawked at the animated Airbender, utterly scandalized that anyone would _dare_ to put out their fires. Even the Earthbenders were dumbfounded, staring wide-eyed at Aang's audacity.

"That should make things a whole lot easier, don't you think?" Aang said, rolling his eyes.

"_Nice_, Twinkle Toes," Toph snickered. "You should show your sarcastic side more often."

The Fire Nation soldiers all hesitated, staring blankly at one another for several moments.

"Uh," one of them finally spoke up, "what should we do now?"

The leader of the soldiers darted his eyes swiftly around, then shouted: "Flee!"

And with that, the soldiers all fled the prison, leaving the bewildered Earthbenders, the astonished Movie Characters, and the thoroughly irritated Team Avatar completely alone in the rocky valley.

"Seriously," Sokka commented flatly, "how did those guys _ever_ manage to take over the world?"

"They're gone," said one of the Earthbenders, shocked.

"No need to thank me," Aang said, waving his hands in irritated boredom.

"They just... _left_," another Earthbender muttered, with an almost disappointed tone. "But… we didn't get to do our Pebble Dance!"

"That's okay, guys!" another plucky Earthbender spoke up cheerfully. "We can do it anyway! Come on, team! _A one, and two, and three, and!_"

A group of about six Earthbenders, with much gusto, all began stomping their feet together in rhythm, grunting enthusiastically at each step. At the end of their stomping moves, they all swung their arms in perfect unison...

And a single small boulder flew slowly by.

Team Avatar giggled uncontrollably. All of them, that is, except for Toph, whose mouth was hanging open in shock.

"Oh… _no_," she exclaimed, appalled. "They did _not _just do that!"

"Oh, but they did," Katara smirked deviously. "It's different when it's personal, isn't it, Toph? But don't get all worked up about it. I mean, it's just a movie, right?"

Toph cracked her knuckles fiercely. "That's it!" she declared. "I'm not going to stand for this! These boneheads are about to learn the meaning of _real_ Earthbending!"

The small blind Earthbender stomped her foot abruptly into the ground, lifting herself instantly up on a tall pedestal of earth. Just to be sure that everyone was paying attention, she punched her fists into the air a few times – forward, to the side, and upward. With each of her movements, the surrounding cliffs cracked and split, and the ground beneath everyone's feet shuddered and rocked like waves in the ocean. The Earthbenders and the Movie Characters all wobbled back and forth, losing their balance. Team Avatar all held onto one another to keep from falling over.

"Oh, boy," Sokka grimaced. "I think Toph's a little ticked off."

Dust flew, the earth reeled, and most of the Earthbenders in the prison began to scream in fright at Toph's demonstration. After a few minutes, Toph finished, wiping her hands smugly. When the dust cleared, everyone looked around in awe at the rearranged landscape. Team Avatar all burst into laughter – Toph had carven her name into the cliffs, along with a rather vicious-looking, razor-toothed self-portrait.

"All right, listen up!" Toph bellowed fiercely to the cowering Earthbenders. "My name is Toph Bei Fong, and I am the greatest Earthbender in the world! Since all of you bozos are the most _PATHETIC _bunch of Earthbenders it has _EVER _been my displeasure to encounter, you have all just won yourself some free Earthbending classes! You Mudbrains are gonna learn some _respect_ for the fine art of Earthbending, and, more importantly, you're gonna learn to fear _me_! And if I hear any complaining whatsoever, you're gonna get a mouthful of hearty, nutritious _dirt_! Understand?"

"But," a foolish Earthbender – one of the six Pebble Dancers – spoke up nervously, "but, how can you be the greatest Earthbender in the world? You're just a little blind – "

Before he'd even finished his sentence, the ground beneath his feet lurched upward, tossing him several feet into the air. He screamed and landed with a painful thud some distance away, groaning and rubbing his head.

Toph smirked. "Anyone else have a comment?" she asked.

The Earthbenders all held their tongues, gaping at her in fear.

"That's what I thought," said the little Earthbender with satisfaction.

"Hey, Toph!" Sokka called from down below her on the ground. "I don't mean to ruin your fun, but I'm not sure we have time to hang around here with the Earthbenders. We've got to be moving on."

"Yes!" Katarola gasped desperately. "We've still got a lot more movie to do!"

"That's okay," Toph grinned. "You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up later."

"Are you sure?" Katara asked.

"Yeah, we can't just leave you here!" Aang added.

"It's fine, guys, really!" Toph laughed. "I was pretty bored up until now anyway. But this – this is something I can _do_! I'm gonna beat these Earthbenders so hard, and whip them into shape so fast, they won't even know what hit 'em!"

A collective, terrified groan passed through the crowd of Earthbenders.

"I'll just meet up with you guys at the end of the movie," Toph said, waving her hands dismissively.

"But," Katara protested, "we're gonna be on Movie Appa. How are you going to catch up with us?"

"Hey, we're in an illogical fanfic, aren't we?" Toph grinned. "I'm sure I'll figure something out. Don't worry! This is gonna be tons of fun for me. And you guys don't really need me anyway. I'll be fine! It'll just be for a little while, anyway."

Team Avatar glanced around at one another, and shrugged.

"Well, Toph," Sokka said reluctantly. "If you say so."

"I do," Toph grinned deviously. "Now, get out of here so I can start kicking some Earthbender-wannabe butts!"

Aang sighed, and gestured at Sockson, Katarola and Awng. "Well, come on, Movie Guys," he said. "Scene's over. I guess it's time to get going... See you later, Toph!"

"See ya, Twinkle Toes!" Toph said. "Good luck!"

"You too!" Katara said, waving.

As the rest of Team Avatar, along with Sockson, Katarola and Awng, all trudged wearily out of the dusty Earthbender prison, Toph's militant shouts echoed fiercely throughout the rocky valley, fading slowly away into the distance behind them.

"_Okay, baby dolls_!" she barked. "_Time to get serious! For our first exercise, you're all going to be blindfolded – "_

"_Why?" _someone asked. A loud, painful groan reverberated through the air immediately afterward.

"_No questions allowed!_" Toph's tyrannical voice rang out. "_I'm the boss, and you do what I say! Now, come on, sugar puffs! Get it together! Get in formation! Knees up! Let's MOVE IT, people…!_"

* * *

**Phew... I'm all parodied out for now. But don't worry! I've got more still to come... And since poor Zuko's been sort of left out of the story lately, he's gonna get the next chapter all to himself! We'll see how that turns out, lol... Until then, reviews fill my soul with happiness! :)**


	6. Part Six: Cactus Juice

**In the immortal words of Dot Warner from Animaniacs, "This is a zany episode."**

**This chapter took me slightly longer than usual... After forcing myself to watch the movie "The Last Airbender" again – some scenes multiple times – in order to get inspiration, my eyeballs started to bleed and it sort of delayed the writing process. But I'm okay now.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Avatar: the Last Airbender" or the movie "The Last Airbender." Though I often imagine that I own some of the cartoon characters whenever I've had a little too much cactus juice. Tee hee. And speaking of that...**

* * *

**PART SIX**

**"In Which Zuko and Z-Patel Discover the Many Delights of Cactus Juice"**

…

_Cre-e-e-eak… Gro-o-o-oan…_

The small Fire Nation ship rocked and reeled on the waves, whining loudly at each new motion. Zuko hadn't realized how long it had been since he'd been at sea, until he attempted to sleep through the noisy, rolling tilts of this ship. It didn't help that he still had so many questions running through his head concerning the previous day's events – _How had they got into the movie? How were they going to get out? Why did everyone except him seem to know what was going on? And what in the world was this fourth wall that everyone kept talking about? _These burning mysteries ran incessantly through his mind, keeping him from his much-needed sleep. Finally, after about four hours of tossing and turning and trying in vain to fall asleep, he'd simply given up, lying flat on his bunk and staring dully at the black metal ceiling.

Luckily, once he'd resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to fall asleep, it only took a few minutes for him to drift away into heavy, forgetful unconsciousness.

Unluckily, however, he only managed to get in a couple of hours of deep sleep before he was awoken again by another noise – this time a loud thump, just outside of his cabin door, and a soft grumbling.

Zuko glanced at the cabin door, rubbing his eyes blearily.

Suddenly, the door swung open. A tall, ominously dark figure stood in the doorway, staring at him.

Zuko sat bolt upright in his bunk – immediately wide awake – and instinctively reached out to grab his broadswords. He found quickly, of course, that they weren't there, and remembered that he wasn't on his own ship, but on Z-Patel's.

The mysterious stranger only stood there, shrouded in the shadows, watching him.

"Who are you?" Zuko demanded, raising his fists.

"Relax. I'm just you from the last chapter of this story," the stranger explained, unmistakably in Zuko's own voice.

"_What_?" Zuko cried, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head in disbelief. No, it couldn't be. It was a dream – it had to be a dream.

"Don't worry about it," said the Future Zuko, waving his hands quickly. "That's not important right now. I just came back here to warn you – something strange is going to happen to you pretty soon, and I want to make sure you're prepared. When you're in town today, you're going to learn something that's going to be a little upsetting to you. There's a bar near the outskirts of town where you can get some good cactus juice at a cheap price. Just look for the stand where they're selling rock candy, take a left, and it'll be there on your right. Big green sign with a giant mushroom on it – you can't miss it."

"Cactus juice?" Zuko stammered, baffled.

"Yeah," said Future Zuko. "Trust me, you're going to want it."

Zuko could only rub his eyes again, thoroughly unsettled. "What?" he exclaimed. "What are you talking about? What do you mean you're me from the last chapter? What chapter? And how can you be – ? _What's going on_?"

"I've got to go now," Future Zuko said, waving his hand. "Good luck."

And without another word, the strange apparition vanished back through the doorway, shutting the cabin door behind him with a loud, metallic clang.

Zuko just stared, too perplexed to even move for several moments after the enigmatic phantom had gone. At last, he sighed uneasily, settling back down into his bunk and gazing up at the ceiling once more.

"It was just a dream," he told himself firmly. "It has to be. It just… must be the ship's rocking messing with my head. Yeah. I'm sure that's all it is."

A few moments later, he managed to drift off into something like sleep again. But it was much less deep, and much more troubled, than it had been before.

* * *

Z-Patel gripped the metal railing of his ship tightly, his knuckles turning white, and he breathed hard and angrily through his nose. He was out on the top deck, bathed in the bland, grayish sunlight of the morning, glaring darkly out at another massive black ship riding the waves in the distance.

"_Zhao_!" he whispered fiercely.

Zuko himself came out onto the ship's deck a moment later, yawning and looking extremely unrested. He rubbed his eyes and tore his fingers through his knotty hair, staring out into the distance as well to see what Z-Patel was so focused on.

"What's up?" he asked. "Oh… Gigantic, evil-looking ship. I guess that must be Movie Zhao, huh?"

"I _hate_ that guy!" Z-Patel declared in his low, bitter voice, trembling with rage and spitting slightly as he spoke.

"Good morning!" came the jovial voice of Iroh behind them. He approached, grinning from ear to ear, looking as if he'd had a very satisfying sleep indeed. Naturally, he had a fresh cup of steaming hot tea in his hands.

"Morning, Uncle," Zuko mumbled. "Look. Movie Zhao's here. The fun just never ends, does it?"

Uncle stood beside the railing on the other side of Zuko, gazing out at the other enormous Fire Nation ship – which was drawing gradually nearer to their own – and stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"Hm. Movie Zhao, eh? I suppose we'll have to come up with a nickname for him as well," Iroh pondered.

"Why?" Zuko frowned. "I'm pretty sure he's the only Zhao around here."

"True," Iroh admitted, grinning broadly. "But nicknames are just so much fun! Wouldn't you agree, Z-Patel?"

Z-Patel only glared at him, quivering in silent fury and breathing intensely through his nose. He hadn't quite warmed up to his own nickname yet.

"What is going on, Prince Z-Patel?" came the deep voice of Eeroh behind them, stepping forward to join the group at the railing of the ship.

"General Zhao is here, Uncle," Z-Patel grumbled, frowning severely. "He's going to make fun of me again and brag about how his evil ship is bigger than mine, I just know it!"

"Well, you must admit, it _is _a pretty big ship," Iroh commented, sipping his tea serenely.

"Iroh is right, Z-Patel," Eeroh nodded thoughtfully. "His ship could easily crush yours and keep going without even noticing that it had hit anything. Not to mention he spews at least fifty times as much disgusting pollution into the atmosphere as you do."

"_Fifty times_?" Iroh asked, raising his eyebrows. "Really? That's impressive."

"Isn't it, though?" Eeroh said.

"If you two are trying to make me feel better," Z-Patel scowled, "you are _very, very _bad at it."

General Zhao's enormous ship was pulling up alongside theirs as they spoke. General Zhao himself stood upon his own deck, smirking cockily down at them.

"The banished prince!" he proclaimed with smug delight.

"Hello, _Zhao_," Z-Patel muttered bitterly, crossing his arms and glaring.

"Well, well, well! How fortuitous that – _LIBRARY!_... Oh, excuse me," Zhao twitched, shook his head, and smirked. "I mean, how fortuitous that we should cross paths!"

Zuko raised his eyebrows, leaning towards Z-Patel and whispering, "Uh, is he okay?"

"He's got some issues," Z-Patel whispered back, frowning. "He says the word _library _a lot. You'll see."

Zhao smirked at them arrogantly. "Would you and your dear dreadlocked uncle care to join me for _LIBRARY! _– I mean, _lunch_ on my magnificently and excessively large ship? I can explain your entire back-story to everyone and completely humiliate you at the same time. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"No thanks," Z-Patel spat. "Normally I would, but we're running kind of behind schedule right now. See, these characters from the series showed up out of nowhere – "

"Hello, there!" Iroh said cheerfully, waving to Movie Zhao.

"So we were a bit delayed back at the South Pole," Z-Patel went on unhappily. "We've got to get to the Earth Kingdom before this chapter ends, so we're going to have to skip lunch. Sorry."

"Oh, that's too bad," Zhao smirked. He seemed to be good at smirking. His eyes twitched.

"So, where are _you_ off to, Zhao?" Eeroh asked.

"Oh, me?" Zhao smirked yet again. "I'm just off to visit the _LIBRARY_! – I mean, the Fire Lord. You see, I have news for him about a _SECRET LIBRARY THAT I FOUND WITH INFORMATION WE CAN USE TO DESTROY THE WATER TRIBE!_... I mean, uh, just the usual stuff."

Zuko, at a complete loss, glanced at his Uncle. Iroh, however, was simply chuckling with quiet amusement and surreptitiously sipping his tea in an attempt to hide his laughter.

"Hey, speaking of that, Prince Zuko," Zhao went on, his eyes suddenly growing wide and eager as he began to speak with increased excitement, "did I ever tell you about that _SECRET SPIRIT LIBRARY THAT I FOUND_? Did you hear about that, Prince Zuko? Did you? That's right, _I_ found it! By myself! And it was full of _SUPER SECRET SCROLLS WITH INFORMATION ABOUT THE MOON AND OCEAN SPIRITS WHICH I'M GOING TO USE TO DESTROY THE WATER TRIBE!... _Did I tell you about it?"

Z-Patel just scowled and rolled his eyes slightly, swallowing his rage down quietly. "Yes, Zhao. You've only told me about it approximately five million times. You do realize that literally every sentence you say is something about that library, right?"

Zhao stammered for a moment, his eyes darting around indignantly. "Ah! – I – Is _not_!" he protested, frowning and twitching. "I say a lot of stuff about how much I – _LIBRARY_! – hate you. And things."

"Whatever you say," Z-Patel scowled again. "Anyway, isn't this about the third time you've gone to visit my father since… _yesterday_? You're going to have trouble catching the Avatar if you spend all your time going back and forth to tell my father about everything that's going on in the movie."

"But the _LIBRARY_ is important!" Zhao protested, stomping his feet and pounding his fists on the railing of his ship. "And I have to tell him about it several times to make sure he understands!"

Zuko, utterly flabbergasted by the absurdity with which he seemed to be surrounded, just chortled loudly. "Hey," he spoke up to Movie Zhao. "You know, instead of actually going halfway across the world three or four times a day, the Fire Nation has this convenient little thing called a Messenger Hawk. It's a hawk, and it carries messages. Ever heard of it?"

But Movie Zhao just chuckled disdainfully. "Oh, no, no… I must go to the Fire Lord _in person_. Something as important as the _SECRET SPIRIT LIBRARY WITH SECRET SCROLLS! _cannot be trusted to a mere bird. Besides, the movie audience needs to know about my great discovery as well! They must hear me talk about it _at least five times_ before the movie ends!"

Zuko just wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Uh, why?" he asked.

Movie Zhao chuckled disdainfully again. "Foolish boy!" he scoffed haughtily. "Everyone knows that movie audiences won't remember a relatively trivial plot device unless they hear the characters speak about it several times… And of course, when I say 'everyone,' I just mean Lord Shyamalan. And when I say 'plot device,' of course, I mean _THE LIBRARY_!"

Iroh was beginning to lose control of his furtive chuckles, and was snorting loudly with the effort of keeping them down. It didn't help that Zhao twitched violently every time he said the word "library."

Eeroh, tranquil as usual, just shook his head at Zhao solemnly. "In my opinion, Zhao, you are a little obsessed with this library thing," he said. "It is really not healthy, you know."

Zhao glowered at him wildly, his lips twitching frantically. "Not healthy?" he shouted. "_Not healthy_? Did I ask you for – _LIBRARY! _– health advice? Are you my freakin physician, old General Dreadlocks? No? Then SHUT UP!"

An awkward silence fell over the group.

At last, Z-Patel sighed irritably. "Do you have any idea how much I loathe you, Zhao?"

Movie Zhao's mouth grew into a slow, sinister grin. He paused – kept pausing – still continued to pause, then said: "... ... ... ... _**YES**_**!**"

Everyone stared blankly at him for a moment.

"Anyway," Zhao went on after the long, uncomfortable silence. "The Fire Lord promised me a game of golf later today. So, _ha ha _to you!"

"Ooh, you'd better be careful," Eeroh cautioned him. "My brother is the worst golfer in the entire Fire Nation, and he really hates to lose. Make sure you let him win, or he'll burn half of your face off."

"Trust me," Z-Patel agreed, nodding gravely. "He'll do it. _I _should know."

Zuko blinked at Z-Patel, perplexed. "Excuse me?" he cried. "He burned you in an Agni Kai duel after you spoke out in one of his war meetings!"

"Huh?" Z-Patel gaped at him in confusion for a moment, then shook himself. "Oh, right. Yes. That's what I meant."

"I have no interest in your – _SPIRIT LIBRARY! _– advice, General Dreadlocks!" Zhao declared, waving his hands dismissively, his eyes wide and maniacal. "The point is, _I _get to play golf with the Fire Lord, and _you _don't! Nya-nya! So I'll catch you losers later. Zhao is _out_. Peace!"

With that, he turned haughtily away, swaggering with pure narcissism. But a second later, he turned back around, smirking again.

"Oh, and by the way, _I'm_ going to catch the Ahvatar before _you_, Little Miss Daddy-Issues! So _ha ha_, again!" Zhao snickered smugly. "And also, your wimpy little ship stinks and mine is _way _bigger than yours! And also, I'm –_ SPIRIT LIBRARY! – _awesome."

"N-no! _No_!" Z-Patel sputtered ferociously. "_I'm _going to catch the Ahvatar first! And you're _not _awesome! And… And it's not the size of the ship that counts – it's what you do with it!"

"Sure. You keep telling yourself that, Prince Burny-Face," Zhao twitched, chuckling villainously.

Zuko, meanwhile, was becoming deeply irritated at this entire situation. Somehow, Movie Zhao was so despicable that Zuko found – for the first time since he'd been in this movie – that he actually felt _sorry _for Z-Patel. An amusing idea suddenly occurred to Zuko, and he grinned quietly. He couldn't resist.

"Hey, Zhao," Zuko spoke up, just as Movie Zhao was beginning to turn away again. "Do you have a handkerchief I can borrow? I think I have to snee – ah, _ah, AH-CHOOOO!_"

A stream of flames burst from Zuko's nostrils.

Zhao squealed like a little girl, his eyes wide in fright.

"_FIRE COMING OUT OF NOSE!_" he screeched in terror.

The villain, tripping clumsily over himself in his fear, turned tail and fled, shrieking. A moment later his enormous ship groaned mechanically, spurted an astonishingly large amount of thick, black smoke into the air, and began to drift away into the distance.

Zuko snickered, suddenly feeling in much lighter spirits than he'd been before. Iroh, unable to contain it any longer, burst into thunderous peals of laughter. Z-Patel was gaping at Zuko, eyes bulging, mouth hanging open – looking almost as shocked and frightened as Zhao. Eeroh did not appear to be shocked, however; merely surprised, and certainly very amused.

"Well, _he_ was pretty obnoxious, huh?" Zuko commented finally. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I actually liked the Zhao with sideburns better."

"You made your own fire!" Z-Patel stammered, still astonished. "_And blew it out of your nose!_"

"Yeah," Zuko shrugged. "It's not really a big deal. I've done it before."

"He has!" Iroh agreed, his laughter beginning to settle down into chuckles. "I taught him that!"

"But – " Z-Patel gasped, his eyes still bulging, "but – I thought – I thought only the most powerful Firebenders could create their own fire! And I didn't know _anyone_ could blow it out of their nose!"

"I believe Firebending works differently in their world, Z-Patel," Eeroh explained softly to his flustered nephew. "All Firebenders create their own fire there. And apparently they can get rather creative with it."

"But – that's not fair!" Z-Patel protested, frowning angrily and breathing hard again. "_I_ want to blow fire out of _my _nose!"

Zuko just shrugged again. "Really, it's not that hard… But did anyone else notice that Zhao somehow got more and more out of character as that conversation went on? And I don't remember him being so twitchy in the movie before."

"The consistency of character, just like the power of logic, sometimes must bend to the rules of satire, my nephew," Iroh said profoundly, taking a sip of his tea and sighing with satisfaction.

"Ooh, _Zhao_! I _hate _that guy!" Z-Patel quivered, his words choking angrily in his throat. "I just – I just hate him _so much_!"

"There, there, now, Z-Patel," Eeroh said, placing a consoling hand on his live-action nephew's tense shoulder. "Don't worry. Just have patience. He will get his comeuppance at the end of the movie."

"In the meantime," Iroh said brightly, "how long until we reach the Earth Kingdom? I want to buy myself some good souvenirs before we go home!"

* * *

In a scenic harbor nestled amongst towering, jagged cliffs, a small Fire Nation colony hummed and bustled with life. It had taken them nearly all day to reach the small seaside town in the Earth Kingdom, and by now the light in the air was transforming into the crystal, vibrating blue-gold of twilight.

Stepping beneath the low arch at the entrance to the town, Iroh, Eeroh, Z-Patel and Zuko all strolled casually into the main street. Iroh was whistling, and smiled at some children who scurried past him. Eeroh seemed relatively satisfied, if not a little bored. Z-Patel was still scowling and quivering and breathing intensely – as he seemed to do constantly, no matter what was going on around him. Zuko yawned, and suddenly tripped over something clumsily, nearly falling flat on his face.

"What the – ?" Zuko cried, turning around to see what he'd tripped on. The words "Fire Nation _olony Fifteen" were hovering just above the ground behind him. The "C" in "Colony" – which apparently was what had tripped him – lay flat and slightly broken on the ground.

"Be careful, Zuko!" Eeroh exclaimed, shaking his dreadlocks. "You just tripped over the caption! You've got to watch your step – those things pop up everywhere in this movie."

Zuko could only gape blankly at the live-action general, and at the broken caption. The concept of tripping over the caption was something so surreal to him that he felt his mind might actually implode if he attempted to justify it logically. So the animated prince just quickly straightened up, dusted himself off, and decided to pretend it hadn't happened.

"Hey, Z-Patel," Eeroh said, nudging his live-action nephew with a sly wink. "Look at all those pretty girls over there! Why don't you go say hello?"

"I don't have time for pretty girls!" Z-Patel muttered, his voice a low scowl. "You _know_ that, Uncle! Don't make me explain my back-story to you again – I'm too tired for a flashback right now."

"There's _always_ time for pretty girls!" Iroh shook his head at Z-Patel, smiling to himself. "Just like there's always time for tea, and Pai Sho, and naps."

Z-Patel glared darkly at both of the uncles.

"He is right, Z-Patel," Eeroh nodded, also smiling. "You really need to take some time and relax. Why not now, eh? We both know this scene is just in the movie for character development – or, well, an _attempt _at character development, anyway. You're not going to find the Ahvatar any time soon. Might as well make the most of the free time, ah?"

"_You just don't understand_!" Z-Patel hissed intensely. "Nobody understands my _pain_! Look, Uncle, since you seem to have forgotten my tragic back-story – and the movie audience needs to hear it too – but I'm not in the mood to explain it all myself, I'll just... I'll just have this random boy tell it to you. Here, little one! Come here!"

Z-Patel gestured to a young boy who was standing nearby. The boy immediately walked up to him, apparently not thinking it unusual at all that an angry stranger in a cloak was calling him over. Kneeling down to the boy's level and hiding his scar in the hood of his cloak, Z-Patel smiled at the boy in a rather disturbing way. At least, Zuko thought it was disturbing, though he imagined Z-Patel had no idea how creepy he appeared.

"You look like a very smart boy," Z-Patel said.

"I'm really not, actually," the boy said, very matter-of-factly.

Z-Patel blinked at him for a moment, slightly taken aback, but quickly shook his head. "Well, no matter," he said, quickly smiling again with his wide-eyed intensity. "Tell me what you know about the prince, the Fire Lord's son?"

"Wait – is this a pop quiz?" the boy said, his eyes suddenly growing wide with panic. "But – but – I haven't studied!"

Z-Patel paused for a moment, growling and rubbing his forehead in annoyance. "Look, kid – work with me here, okay? I've had a long day."

"This is pointless," Zuko interrupted suddenly, frowning impatiently. "Can we _please_ move on?"

Z-Patel glared fiercely at his animated counterpart, quivering and spitting and clenching his fists. "Y – _You're _pointless!" he bellowed angrily, and thundered off down the street in a tantrum.

Zuko sighed wearily, running his hands through his long hair. "Great," the animated prince muttered. "I guess I should go get him, huh?"

"If you want," Eeroh shrugged indifferently. "Or you could tag along with your uncle and myself. We're going to go souvenir shopping."

"I'm hoping to find myself a new conversation piece for the Jasmine Dragon!" Iroh declared, grinning eagerly. "Doesn't that sound like fun, Zuko? You can help me pick it out, if you want."

Zuko frowned blankly at his uncle a moment. "Yeah, uh" he murmured slowly, "I think I'm gonna go get Z-Patel, if it's all the same to you, Uncle. Maybe next time."

Hastily, before Iroh could attempt to persuade him to go shopping, Zuko took off down the street after his angry live-action counterpart.

Iroh and Eeroh glanced at one another. "He doesn't know what he's missing," Eeroh commented with a shrug.

"Oh, well," Iroh shrugged as well, as the two generals began to meander casually among the various shops scattered along the pier. "Before we start shopping, though, you know what I could really go for? A good foot massage!"

"Aha," Eeroh grinned serenely. "You and I think very much alike, my animated friend. It just so happens I know of an excellent masseuse who lives in this very town. She comes highly recommended. Shall we go seek her out?"

"Yes, let's," Iroh agreed enthusiastically, as they strolled off down the street.

* * *

Zuko found Z-Patel outside a small teashop, leaning against a wooden column with his arms crossed and his mouth in a furious pout. The animated prince sighed again – willing himself not to lose his own temper – and cautiously approached the scowling Z-Patel.

"Hey," Zuko began, scratching his head and shifting his feet awkwardly. "Uh… yeah, so… Sorry about what I said… and stuff… I guess I'm just tired too, and I didn't think you were going to overreact like that – "

"_Overreact_!" Z-Patel spat bitterly, breathing heavily. "I did _not _overreact!"

"Well," Zuko furrowed his brow, glancing briefly away. "You did _a little_. I mean, you sort of threw a tantrum back there – "

"You just don't understand!" Z-Patel sputtered with rage, glowering darkly from beneath the hood of his cloak. "I _did _not throw a tantrum! I'm a tragic character with lots of issues! The only way I can ever be happy is if I capture the Ahvatar and make my father love me again! And that's not going to happen, so I'm mad!"

Zuko growled, rapidly losing his patience. He clenched his fists and resisted the sudden, tremendous urge to breathe fire again.

"Look!" Zuko shouted sternly. "I know that you're trying to be me, and I used to have a lot of anger problems, but you're just taking it a little too far! I mean, even _I _wasn't angry _all the time_ back when I was chasing the Avatar! You're overdoing it, and it's becoming ridiculous! So _give it a rest_, already!"

Z-Patel stared at him for a moment, his mouth slightly open. He breathed slowly. But apparently, something Zuko had said seemed to touch a nerve. Because suddenly his expression softened, melted, twisted into something like remorseful despair – and he turned away from Zuko and bit his lip.

"You really think I'm overdoing it?" he asked softly, his voice cracking slightly.

Zuko thought he was about to lose his mind. He pressed his eyelids in exhaustion. "Don't tell me you're going to cry now. _Please_, I'm begging you…"

"I'm sorry," Z-Patel whimpered, quickly wiping a glistening tear from his eye. "I don't – I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I guess deep down I knew I was taking the angry routine a little too far, but… it's just so _hard_, you know?"

Zuko just rubbed his face, staring blankly, trying to remember how he'd got himself into this mess.

"I mean," Z-Patel went on, his voice trembling with increasing self-pity, "I was a good actor before! I was the star of an award-winning movie! And now look at me – look at what I've become! I'm an overly emotional antihero who's forced to say stupid things like '_bring me all your elderly_' and make random children explain my back-story to the audience. All I wanted was to be an interesting antagonist like you… But instead, I'm just angry and pathetic and _nobody likes me_…!"

The live-action prince dissolved into quiet, whimpering sobs. He wiped tears from his eyes hastily, shuddering with the effort of holding them back. His lip twitched in an emotional grimace.

Zuko couldn't believe it. He stared at his sniveling movie counterpart for several long moments, his expression utterly blank. "Okay, Z-Patel," he said at last, unable to take any more. "You really need to pull yourself together. This is just sad."

"I – I – I'm s-s-sorry," Z-Patel snuffled pitifully.

Zuko pressed his forehead irritably. "Good grief," he muttered. "Look, you're not a bad actor. Especially compared to some of the other people around here. You just need to be a little less dramatic… Come on, let's walk and you'll feel better."

"Okay," Z-Patel nodded, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

The two princes began to amble slowly through the streets of the town, among the various stands and shops, avoiding the bustling extras and giggling children running about. They kept a good distance from one another, and did not speak. The awkwardness was excruciating. Zuko was beginning to wish very much that he'd taken up his uncle's offer to go shopping – even shopping would have been better than this.

At least, however, Z-Patel did manage to compose himself after a few moments, though he stared dejectedly at the ground as they walked and continued to pout slightly. After they'd been wandering through the streets for several minutes, they both suddenly became aware of an unusual noise growing behind them: soft giggling and whispering.

Zuko, wrinkling his brow, glanced discreetly over his shoulder. Z-Patel did likewise, equally puzzled by the sound.

A flock of giggling girls was behind them, following at a careful distance. They were watching Zuko's every movement intently, and gossiping amongst themselves. As soon as they saw Zuko turn and look at them, all of the girls instantly blushed in unison and giggled wildly.

Zuko and Z-Patel glanced briefly at one another, and continued walking awkwardly. Zuko flushed and tried to act casual, pretending that he hadn't noticed his ever-increasing entourage of raging hormones. But Z-Patel kept looking back at the girls, blinking in bewilderment. They were all unmistakably fascinated by Zuko, and their numbers were growing by the second.

"_Don't look at them_," Zuko whispered quickly to Z-Patel. "Maybe they'll go away."

"I don't think they're going to go away," Z-Patel whispered back after a moment. "They're swarming."

"Sh!" Zuko hissed furtively, nervously staring straight forward. He realized that there were more girls ahead of him in the street, all gazing at him with wide, hungry eyes and drooling mouths.

"Uh, Zuko," Z-Patel murmured uncomfortably. "I think they're after you."

Zuko and Z-Patel had stopped walking - they were completely surrounded. After a brief moment of panic and a quick glance around, Zuko spotted a small side alley on their left. _Escape_. Quickly, desperately, he swept up a cyclone of flames around himself and Z-Patel. As all of the movie extras around them screamed in fright at the spontaneous Firebending, Zuko grabbed the startled Z-Patel by his shirt and dragged him hastily behind himself into the side alley. When the flames subsided in the street, all of the predatory girls began looking frantically around for Zuko, moaning in disappointment as they realized he had vanished.

Meanwhile, Zuko and Z-Patel ducked farther back into the alley, turning a corner and coming out into another street. Zuko glanced warily behind them, to be sure none of the girls had followed them, and sighed with relief.

"Phew," he breathed. "That was weird."

"I've never seen anything like that before," Z-Patel commented, staring at Zuko in awe. "How did you do that?"

"What do you mean?" Zuko cried. "I didn't do anything."

"It's like you had some kind of hypnotic power over them!" Z-Patel said. "All you had to do was walk by, and they started following you. That's incredible! Can you teach me to do that?"

"I'm telling you, I don't _know _what I did!" Zuko said, shaking himself. He still felt extremely uncomfortable and slightly violated. "That sort of thing just happens to me. I don't know why."

"Hm," Z-Patel sighed sadly. "Girls never flock after _me _like that."

"Well, I'm _so_ sorry," Zuko rolled his eyes. "If I could give them all to you, I would. Trust me."

"I guess you can't help it," Z-Patel shrugged. "You're just one of those guys. It's just the way you were drawn."

Zuko paused – blinked – frowned in confusion. "Wait – what do you mean, _drawn_?"

Z-Patel glanced aside at him. "Well, you know," he said casually. "Designed. By the creators of your show."

"What? What show?" Zuko demanded, his eyes growing wide. A small, quaking panic was building up in his stomach.

"Uh," Z-Patel said slowly, smiling slightly as if he thought Zuko was trying to trick him, "the cartoon that this movie is based on?"

Zuko gaped at him, stunned – he looked as if Z-Patel had just slapped him in the face. "… _What_?"

Z-Patel chuckled, punching him rather awkwardly in the arm. "Oh, come on, stop joking around," he grinned. "_Avatar: the Last Airbender_? Popular TV show on Nickelodeon? What, you thought I didn't know about that? Yeah, I did the research. I actually didn't know anything at all about it until you cartoon characters showed up at the South Pole. But since we had so much time to kill back in chapters three and four, I got online and looked it up. Watched the first few episodes on Netflix. It's really good, actually."

Zuko was flushing, staring at him open-mouthed, stammering. "_What are you talking about_?" he cried.

There was a very long silence between the two princes. Z-Patel scrutinized Zuko's face, and the live-action prince's small grin slowly fell as he realized that Zuko was genuinely and utterly astonished.

"Wait," Z-Patel began after a moment, furrowing his own brow. "Hold on… Don't tell me – ? You didn't know that you were – ?"

Zuko's eyes were wide and profoundly distressed. Z-Patel felt a wave of guilt crash suddenly over him.

"Oh," Z-Patel muttered quickly, looking away in embarrassment. "Oops. I, uh… hey, I'm sorry! You know what, forget I said anything – "

He started to walk hastily away, but Zuko caught him by the shoulder and turned him forcefully around, looking him directly in the eye.

"No, come back," Zuko said sternly, resolved to know the truth, no matter how upsetting it was. "… I'm – I'm – an animated character?"

Z-Patel's eyes darted around nervously. For a moment he wrestled within himself, unsure if he _should _tell Zuko the truth. But it was obvious that he'd already said far too much, and he doubted Zuko was going to leave it alone. So, "Uh… yes," he mumbled feebly.

"And my whole life," Zuko went on desperately, "everything that happened to me… was just part of a television show?"

Z-Patel hesitated yet again, blinking. "… Yes."

"So, all of it… isn't real?"

"Uh… no."

There was a very long, heavy silence. Zuko stared off into space for several minutes, allowing this revelation to crash over him.

"… Okay." the animated prince finally whispered, in a daze.

"Are you – " Z-Patel asked anxiously, "Are you… all right?"

Zuko could only breathe deeply for a moment, as denial and acceptance battled within him. His head was spinning.

"Yeah," he whispered at last, though he was not entirely certain that he _was_ all right. He breathed again, gathering his strength. "I just… I just need you to tell me one more thing."

"Uh, okay?" Z-Patel murmured.

"Have we – have we been in fanfiction, too?"

Z-Patel swallowed nervously. "Well, mostly you. Yes. Lots of it."

"And… and are we… in one… _right now_?"

Z-Patel hesitated yet again. "Uh… yes…"

"Okay," Zuko nodded slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. "And… what _is _the fourth wall?"

"Well, erm," Z-Patel stammered, rubbing his head awkwardly. "It's, uh… it's this thing that separates our reality from the audience, and keeps us characters from actually noticing that our reality actually isn't reality… But, there's pretty much no fourth wall at all in this particular fanfic, so… yeah… um, sorry... I thought you knew..."

Zuko's eyes glazed over slightly. He gazed off into space for a very long time, not moving, not speaking. The silence went on for so long that Z-Patel began to fear something inside of Zuko's brain had snapped.

At last, though, Zuko turned wordlessly away and began to stride down the street, his every step driven by an intense purpose.

Z-Patel trotted anxiously after him. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"I need some cactus juice," Zuko replied flatly.

* * *

Outskirts of town. Vendor selling rock candy. Left turn. Green sign with a giant mushroom on it. And there it was. A shady-looking bar, full to the brim with equally shady people. Just as the strange person in Zuko's cabin had told him earlier that morning. Under normal circumstances, Zuko would have been puzzled and amazed to find that everything was exactly as his mysterious future self had described it. Under normal circumstances, Zuko would have skeptically questioned why a bar that sold cactus juice was even in the movie world at all? - or how he even knew what cactus juice was? - or what kind of lunatic had decided that cactus juice was safe to sell to the public?

But these were not normal circumstances. At the moment, Zuko's entire concept of reality, normalcy and logic had been turned completely upside-down, and he just really didn't care.

Marching doggedly into the bar, Zuko plopped himself heavily onto one of the stools beside the counter and gazed blearily at the bartender.

"Heard you have good cactus juice here," he said.

The bartender nodded, raising his eyebrows curiously at the unsettled animated character.

"I'll take a gallon," Zuko declared.

The bartender laughed, though he appeared to be slightly concerned at the same time. "I, uh... I think I'll just get you a half-pint. A little goes a long way, trust me… You okay, there, kid?"

"I just found out my entire life isn't real," Zuko replied, his voice drained of all emotion.

"Ah!" The bartender nodded slowly, his eyes suddenly full of sympathy. "Yeah… We all have to learn about the fourth wall sooner or later. You'll get used to it, don't worry. Here you are."

He slid a small mug, sloshing with a transparent, greenish-yellow liquid, across the counter to Zuko.

Zuko lifted the mug to his lips and downed all of the cactus juice without taking a breath, just as Z-Patel came stumbling into the bar and sat down on the stool beside him.

"I'll take one of those, too, please," Z-Patel told the bartender. "It's been a hard day."

"Did you just find out about the fourth wall too?" the bartender asked Z-Patel.

"No," Z-Patel sighed mournfully. "I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I'm a moderately good actor trapped in train-wreck of a movie. And also that girls are more attracted to my animated character than they are to me."

"Ooh, yeah, that's pretty rough," the bartender winced, passing a second mug of cactus juice to Z-Patel. "Now, be careful, boys. Remember, don't trust everything you see. You know how cactus juice is."

Zuko wobbled. "I've never had it before…"

Z-Patel gulped his down and hiccupped. "Me, neither."

"What?" the bartender cried, his eyes growing wide. He turned and shouted to someone on the other side of the bar. "Uh-oh! Hey, Cho! We got two first-timers over here! Call for backup!"

Zuko squinted at the bartender... squinted hard... and wondered why the guy's head was suddenly turning into a lobster.

"Heh heh," Zuko snickered dizzily. "Lobster-head…"

"Whoo-ooh-oh," said Z-Patel, swaying in his seat. "My brain feels… polka-dot."

Zuko looked at his hands, blinking. Blinking. His fingers were suddenly the most unusual things he'd ever seen in his life. He attempted to touch his right fingers with his left ones, but for some reason they wouldn't quite match up. Zuko laughed loudly – it was unreasonably comical, somehow.

"Hey there, cutie," came a female voice beside him. One of the girls in the bar had sidled up alongside Zuko, smiling seductively. "What brings you here?"

Zuko stared at her very hard for several moments, concentrating. "Your ears are melting," he stated flatly.

The girl frowned briefly, then laughed. "Ah, I see," she smiled. "First time with cactus juice, huh?"

"So _quenchy_!" Z-Patel laughed blissfully on the other side of Zuko. "Hey, Zuko – you know there's a penguin on your head, right?"

"What?" Zuko blinked at him, then shook his head violently. A penguin fell off his head, landing with a thump and a squawk on the counter. "Whoa! _Penguin_!... How'd that get there?"

Z-Patel laughed uproariously. "And what's a penguin doing in the middle of the jungle, anyway?" he cried. "That's just weird."

"Now, boys," said the bartender, coming around behind them with another large man – apparently Cho, who looked as if he were in charge of the place. "You two just take it easy, okay? Don't do anything too crazy – "

"Heya, baby," Z-Patel said suavely, raising his eyebrows suggestively at another girl who'd come and taken the seat at the counter next to him. "That's a nice-looking pair of buffalo you got there."

"Excuse me?" the girl said, scowling at Z-Patel in disgust.

Z-Patel belched loudly.

Zuko, meanwhile, was clambering clumsily onto the bar itself, beginning to wave his arms wildly. The bartender and Cho began shouting frantically at the hallucinating animated prince, trying to convince him to come back down.

"Butterflies!" Zuko cried, flailing his arms and laughing. "I'm gonna catch them! Look – they're everywhere! Pretty butterflies!"

Nearly everyone in the bar was now staring at Zuko and Z-Patel. Many were beginning to laugh and cheer, glad for some entertainment.

Zuko stumbled along the counter, knocking over glasses and dishes with loud crashes, much to the dismay of the two men who were attempting to subdue him. Zuko laughed, snatching at the butterflies above his head, then stopped - staring down at the end of the bar in wonder. There, where the bar ended, an endless stairway suddenly seemed to stretch – a stairway that reached all the way to the clouds. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before. Near one of the bottom steps, a large frog sat, gazing solemnly at him.

"Hey," said the frog. "Hey, mister – "

"Huh?" Zuko mumbled, swaying and hiccupping dizzily.

"This here's the stairway to heaven," said the frog. "You know that, don't cha?"

Zuko gaped blankly at the frog for several moments, then hiccupped again. "Obnoxious little frog," he muttered.

…

Iroh and Eeroh were returning from their shopping trip, chatting and laughing carelessly as they strolled through the outer streets of town. They had had some very relaxing foot massages, and Iroh had found quite a few bargains on some interesting souvenirs. The two generals had their arms full of bags and parcels, knick-knacks and curios. Eeroh was in the process of explaining the proper care and keeping of dreadlocks to Iroh, when they were both stopped in their tracks by some very loud, out-of-tune singing in the distance.

Iroh frowned – he recognized that singing voice. It was coming from a bar a little ways down the street. A bar with a large green sign that featured a giant mushroom.

"Oh, no," he whispered, his eyes widening with dread.

"What?" Eeroh glanced at him, furrowing his brow.

"I think," Iroh said, slowly and anxiously, "I think my nephew may have just learned about the fourth wall!"

Without wasting a moment, Iroh took off down the street, heading straight for the bar with the giant mushroom on its sign. Eeroh came quickly after him.

Just as Iroh had feared, inside the bar – the source of that awful, off-key singing – was Zuko. He was standing on a table in the center of the room, with a crowd of very entertained people (mostly girls) around him. For some inexplicable reason, he had a tablecloth tied around his neck like a cape, and a pot on his head. In his hands he wielded two empty bottles, as if they were broadswords.

"_It's a long, long way to Ba Sing Se!_" he was singing – very loudly, very happily, and very painfully. "_But the girls in the city, they LOOK SO PRET-TAY!_"

Suddenly, he tipped over and fell off the table, landing in a pile of girls – who all seemed more than happy to catch him.

The two men who seemed to be in charge of the bar were scurrying around the scene frantically, helplessly trying to avoid any more damage. Iroh grimaced at the sight. This was all his fault! He knew Zuko must have learned the truth about the fourth wall. There was no other explanation for this behavior. If he'd only broken the news to Zuko gently when he'd had the chance! He should have known something like this was bound to happen, sooner or later.

Eeroh came into the bar close behind Iroh, gawking in astonishment at the situation. Stepping forward, he tripped over something lumpy on the ground. Eeroh glanced down and realized with a shock that the lumpy thing he'd tripped over was his own live-action nephew, who was grinning blissfully and snuggling with a broom.

"Z-Patel!" Eeroh exclaimed sternly. "What in the world are you doing?"

Z-Patel looked dizzily up at his uncle, and laughed loudly. "Hey, Uncle! D'you know who the third musketeer is? 'Cause _I do_! Hee!"

Eeroh simply shook his dreadlocked head with disapproval, and pulled his hallucinating nephew up to his feet. "I think it's time for us to go, now," he said. "You've had quite enough."

"But – " Z-Patel protested desperately as his uncle dragged him out of the bar, "but – what about my ten million rupees? I can't leave yet! No! _No_! _Latika-a-a-a-a!_" The live-action prince's despairing wails faded away into the distance as Eeroh hauled him away.

Meanwhile, Iroh was desperately trying to dig through the pile of very delighted girls to reach his own animated nephew. "Zuko!" he shouted frantically. "Zuko, get out of there!"

"Look, Uncle!" Zuko laughed dizzily, as the girls swarmed around him. "I'm a Spoonbender!" He snatched up a spoon from the table, and attempted to bend it in his hands, scrunching his face up in concentration. The girls around him all giggled.

Iroh helplessly smacked his own forehead.

Suddenly, from somewhere behind Iroh, two knives came whizzing through the air. They whistled past Iroh's head, making his old heart jump slightly. Luckily, though, they did not hit anyone; but two of the girls that had been swarming over Zuko suddenly found themselves pinned to the wall by their clothes.

"Time to go, Zuko," said a serious and impatient female voice.

"Mai!" Zuko cried, laughing, as the tall, black-haired girl pushed her way forcefully and matter-of-factly through the crowd of simpering girls. She parted them like water, snatched her boyfriend up by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him tripping out of the bar behind her.

All of the girls whined in disappointment. Iroh, a bit stunned by the whole situation, grinned awkwardly at them for a moment, then gathered all his souvenirs up and quickly backed away toward the door. "Eh, here you are, my good man," he said, chuckling nervously and tossing a small bag of gold to the irate-looking bartender and owner. "That should cover the damages. Sorry about all this – it won't happen again, I assure you."

With that, Iroh turned and hastily trotted out of the bar and into the street after Mai, who was still pulling the dizzy Zuko along behind her.

"Mai!" Zuko laughed, looking absurdly happy as he stumbled along behind her. "What are you doing here?"

Mai just sighed wearily, clearly in a foul mood. "I was _trying _to stay out of this ridiculous fanfic, Zuko, but things just started to get too out of control. I had no choice but to intervene."

"You look like a bunny! Hee-hee!" Zuko giggled.

Mai stopped walking, turned, and gave him her sternest glare. Zuko stopped giggling and gulped nervously.

"Uh…" he mumbled, scratching his head. "Want some cactus juice?"

Mai did not reply. Just shook her head and continued to lug her delusional boyfriend back to Z-Patel's ship, where he would be safe. Iroh brought up the rear, clutching his souvenirs and shaking his head. After a few moments, he glanced upward at the starry sky and shouted:

"HEY! You, up there! Whoever's in charge of this fanfic - come on! _T__his is just getting ridiculous_!"

* * *

**Heh heh... Iroh's talking to me. I'm going to ignore him.**

**P.S. Ten cookies to anyone who can tell me what the "obnoxious little frog" on the stairway to heaven is from! :D**

**More to come soon. Yes, believe it or not, I'm _still _not out of ideas. In the meantime, reviews! Pwetty, pwetty pwease! (Oh, and for those of you who don't know, Z-Patel babbling about the three musketeers, the ten million rupees, and screaming "LATIKA!" are all references to Dev Patel's _much _better movie, "Slumdog Millionaire." Just so you know. *wink*)**


	7. Part Seven: Awng's Destiny

**Getting close to the end now. Thanks again for all the great reviews, guys! I'm so glad to be able to give you all a good laugh. :D**

**DISCLAIMER: "Avatar: the Last Airbender" does not belong to me, and neither does the movie, blah blah blah, yep.**

**ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: I'd just like to say again, to reiterate my earlier point, that despite how mean I am to the movie, to the Movie Characters (especially Katarola), and even to M. Night Shyamalan... This story is totally just for fun. The movie was definitely _bad_, not just as an adaptation of an awesome show, but as a movie in general. And as an experienced filmmaker, Lord Shyamalan should _really, really _have known better. But I don't hate him or any of the actors or anything like that. No hate - just good clean sarcastic mockery. That is all. :D**

**ABOUT THE TALKING FROG: Aw, good guess NikkiTowers! Actually the frog was from another anime series, "Cowboy Bebop" - an episode called "Mushroom Samba" where the characters all accidentally eat some 'special' mushrooms and have some very cactus juice-like experiences, hehe. (If anyone's interested to see the original frog, go to YouTube and search for 'spike talks to a frog' and it'll come up lol)... However, because that was a great guess and I actually forgot about that frog from Avatar, we'll split the cookies! *hands five cookies to Nikki***

* * *

**PART SEVEN**

**"In Which Awng Learns His Destiny, and Katara Reveals a Surprisingly Vast Knowledge of Profanity**"

…

Katara sat beside a dying fire, glaring.

They were now in another forest, somewhere in the Northern Earth Kingdom. They all knew that it was somewhere in the Northern Earth Kingdom because Aang had accidentally tripped over the caption when they arrived there. Where exactly it was, or why they were there, was all still a little unclear. But, as usual, that didn't seem to matter to the Movie Characters – and, increasingly, the Animated Characters themselves had been giving up trying to rationalize the flow of this movie.

Katara was the only one beside the small campfire at the moment. Suki had decided to go to bed a little early – she'd been coming down with a small cold since chapter five. Sokka had commented that maybe the movie was just so awful it actually made her sick; Suki had not been amused. After she'd gone to bed, Aang and Sokka had wandered off into the forest to explore. They'd expected Katara to come along as well, of course; but she'd told them she simply wasn't in the mood for exploring. When Aang had offered to stay behind with her, she'd urged him to go. She just wanted to be alone for a little while. To brood. And Aang would definitely have distracted her from brooding effectively.

Awng and Katarola were a short distance away, standing beyond the trees on the shore of a placid lake, doing those absurdly pointless little dance movements that they called "Waterbending." Of course, they weren't actually bending any water - that would have just been ridiculous. Katara didn't have any idea where Sockson was, but she didn't really care. At the moment, she was focused on glaring. Glaring at Awng and Katarola, and dwelling on all that had gone so wrong in this movie.

Why had they come into the movie in the first place? Clearly it was a lost cause. The movie was dead – that was all. Sure, it had some little moments – _very _little. Sure, the scenery was nice. But it was dead, the life completely sucked out of it. Like a wrinkled prune. The Movie Characters were just dopes, wandering around aimlessly, reciting lines because they had to – entirely blank one moment, then absurdly emotional the next. Katara found it hard to believe that that Sockson, Katarola and Awng even _liked _each other.

She shook her head, frowning. Who could she blame for this disgrace? The Movie Characters? No – they were embarrassing, certainly; but they didn't know any better. They were only pawns.

No. There was only one person Katara could think of to blame.

Lord Shyamalan.

That was it. Every time something illogical or ridiculous happened, the explanation was always "Lord Shyamalan said so." He'd written the script that they all followed so faithfully. He'd tangled the story up into awkward, slow-paced knots. He'd mangled their personalities almost beyond recognition.

_Now, now_ – said a rational voice in Katara's head – _Don't get so worked up about it. I'm sure Lord Shyamalan simply didn't know what he was doing. It's not like he did it on purpose_.

But Katara clenched her fists and glared. "But he still did it!" she hissed under her breath. "He should have known better!"

She wanted to go home. There was nothing they could do for these people. The movie was done for, hopeless – might as well just go back to the Animated Universe and pretend that all of this never happened.

But there was no going home yet. Not while they were still stuck in this ridiculous fanfic. Katara turned her angry glare vaguely toward the sky, approximately in the direction she imagined the fanfic author might be lurking, watching over them all and laughing maniacally.

"I hope you're amused up there, whoever you are," she muttered bitterly.

* * *

Awng and Katarola stood beside the lake, twirling their arms slowly – _slowly _ - in various waving, flowing motions. Breathing. The water in the lake, however, didn't seem to acknowledge that they were there. But that didn't matter – practicing Waterbending didn't necessarily mean actually _bending_ the water, after all. It meant doing a mystical, swirly dance with your arms. And if the water actually went somewhere, well, then that was just a bonus.

That, at least, was the idea of Waterbending that Awng had gathered from Lord Shyamalan. Atmosphere – that's what it was all about. Mood. Not actually learning how to _fight _or anything like that.

For a sudden moment, though, the live-action Airbender let his eyes wander to the silver surface of the lake, and a fleeting thought passed through his mind: _I'm… bored._

Unsettled by this out-of-character moment, he shook himself slightly, and glanced sideways at Katarola.

Unfortunately, glancing at Katarola only seemed to make him slip even more out of character. Ever since Aang had taken him penguin sledding and enlightened him about girls, his mind had been disturbed with all manner of conflicting emotions, ideas… He blushed, and frowned, and forgot what his arms were supposed to be doing. Katarola smiled distantly at him. And then he grinned – _grinned_ – rather stupidly at her.

Katarola frowned.

"Awng," she breathed fervently. "What's wrong? You've really been distracted lately."

"Hm. Oh, I'm okay," Awng furrowed his brow, then smiled again suddenly. "Hey! You know, I, uh… I know a pretty good magic trick! Want to see? Here, give me a quarter – "

"A _quarter_?" Katarola frowned again, more deeply, and blinked twice as fervently. "Awng – I'm really worried! You – you're just acting really strange!"

"Huh," Awng said pensively. "You think so?"

"Yes!" Katarola nodded earnestly, her dewy eyes bubbling with emotion. "I think I know why you're so distracted…"

"You do?" Awng asked, suddenly a little alarmed.

Katarola nodded again, urgently. "It's because we're so close to that old abandoned Air Temple over there, right? And you want to go visit it, but you're not sure if it's safe. Isn't that it, Awng?"

"Uh…" Awng's eyes darted around nervously. "Sure. That. Yes."

"I'll go talk to Sockson about it after the next abrupt scene cut, okay?" she suggested, smiling again and batting her eyes obliviously at him.

"Okay," Awng shrugged, his own eyes falling to the ground in slight dejection.

"Let's practice some more," Katarola suggested, resuming her dreamy arm-waving motions.

Awng resumed his own stance as well, raising both his arms. _Focus_, he commanded himself. He began going through the meaningless slow-motion whirling movements again. After a moment Katarola reached over and touched his right hand, bending his wrist slightly. Awng blushed again.

"Awng, keep your wrist bent like it's showing," she instructed him knowledgeably.

Awng stared at her for a moment and did not reply. '_Bent like it's showing'? Does that actually _mean_ something_? he wondered briefly. Then he shook himself hastily. Since when did _he _have sarcastic inner-commentary about the dialogue? What was happening to him?

* * *

Aang and Sokka wandered aimlessly through the dense forest, bathed in the blue light of the evening. Crickets chirped around them. Aang was leading the way, his gray eyes scanning the ground pensively.

"I've been thinking," Aang began.

"I'm so proud," Sokka shot back with a smirk.

But Aang just ignored him. "What would you say, so far, are the main things wrong with the movie?"

"Hm. Let's see," Sokka pondered casually, beginning to count on his fingers. "Sockson. Katarola. And Awng. Mostly Sockson… Well, that wasn't too hard to figure out. What else you got? Come on, challenge me."

Aang shook his head, glancing over his shoulder at Sokka. "No, I don't think it's that simple. Think about it, Sokka – the reason they're so annoying and boring is because of the things they say, and the things they do, and the fact that they don't have any idea what they're doing."

"Um. Yes. Exactly. And... your point was?" Sokka raised his eyebrows at the animated Airbender.

"No, don't you get it? The problem isn't with _them_," Aang concluded. "They're only doing what they're told. They're just following the script, and trying to act without good direction. The real problem is with Lord Shyamalan. Everything seems to lead back to him. Have you noticed that?"

"Hm," Sokka pursed his lips thoughtfully, pausing for a moment. "Well… Yes, I see what you mean. But I'm still not sure what your point is."

"The point is," Aang said, "that I don't think there's anything _we _can do to fix this movie. At least, we can't do it just by trying to help the characters. We've got to somehow get to the root of the problem."

"So, are you suggesting we find this Lord Shyamalan and kick his butt?" Sokka asked, his eyes lighting up eagerly. "Because, I have no idea how we'd do that – but I'm all for it!"

"No. I don't think that's the answer, either," Aang said quietly, sighing heavily and pushing aside a tree branch in their path.

"Oh, don't tell me you're getting into your mystical, conflicted, I'm-a -peaceful-monk-who-couldn't-even-squish-a-spiderfly talk again?" Sokka grumbled in disappointment.

"It's not that," Aang shook his head. "It's just – well, I'm not sure it's really our place to confront Lord Shyamalan. I mean, no matter how Lord Shyamalan ruined the movie and the Movie Characters, he can't ever take anything away from _us_. We're all fine just the way we are."

"Yeah, we _are_ pretty great," Sokka grinned with deep satisfaction.

"But, at the same time, I think something _does _need to be done," Aang went on. "And it needs to be done fast. Before Lord Shyamalan… ugh… _tries to make a sequel_." Aang shuddered violently at that thought.

Sokka shuddered as well. "_Yikes… _Well, Aang – what do you suggest, then?"

"I think we've got to convince the Movie Characters to do something about it," Aang declared at last.

"What? Those boneheads?" Sokka scoffed slightly. "What could they do?"

"I don't know," Aang shrugged wearily. "But they might be capable of more than we think. We need to at least give them a chance, Sokka."

Unfortunately, at that very moment, Sokka and Aang emerged from the trees and found themselves at the edge of the lake, having wandered in nearly a complete circle through the forest. And there before them, a short distance away, stood Awng and Katarola, waving their arms in slow-motion. The water in the lake lapped indifferently at the stony shore beside them. Sokka and Aang watched this dreamy, mystical water-dance for several long moments, waiting for something – _anything _– to happen. But nothing did.

"What are they _doing_?" Sokka finally asked, perplexed.

Aang scratched his head in bewilderment. "I… I think they're practicing… Waterbending? But they're not actually moving the water, so I'm not really sure… "

Sokka just shook his head, chuckling snidely to himself. "_Right_," he said slowly. "Still think these are the guys who can take out Lord Shyamalan and save the movie?"

Aang flushed slightly, embarrassed on behalf of the Movie Characters.

"Hey!" Sokka grinned deviously, his blue eyes alight. "Check this out!" He stepped forward quietly, coming to stand at the edge of the lake a little distance away from Awng and Katarola, who didn't seem to notice him.

"Sokka!" Aang called. "What are you doing?"

But Sokka ignored him, standing at the water's edge and beginning to wave his own arms in an exaggerated mimicry of their Waterbending dancing. He waved and twirled his arms with unnecessary emphasis, even adding mystical sound effects to the movements. Awng and Katarola noticed him after a moment, and both stopped their own dancing, staring blankly at him. Aang slapped his own forehead, and struggled against the urge to laugh.

"Hey, everyone, look!" Sokka cried, spinning in dramatic, slow-motion circles. "I'm Waterbending too! I've always wanted to be a Waterbender! Wait till I tell Katara!"

Aang laughed – he couldn't help it. But Katarola and Awng just stared.

"Are you…" Katarola began, her lip trembling and her eyes welling, "are you making fun of us again?"

Sokka just grinned sarcastically. "No, no, _no_, Princess! I would _never_ make fun of your little interpretive dance routine. It's so – oh, what's the word? – _thought-provoking_. Real artistic, yeah. Got me right here." He patted his chest in mock earnestness.

Katarola smiled faintly, her eyes still glistening with tears. "You… you really think so?"

"You really don't have _any _concept of sarcasm at all, do you, Cupcake?" Sokka deadpanned.

Katarola, apparently coming to the realization that he was, in fact, making fun of her, burst into tears and ran off into the forest. Awng, Sokka and Aang all stared blankly after her in silence for several moments.

"Geesh," Sokka rolled his eyes, snickering. "Over-acting, much?"

"You shouldn't be so mean, Sokka," Aang scolded him lightly, though the animated Airbender was still grinning. "We all know she's pretty much always on the verge of an emotional breakdown."

"That's what makes it so fun!" Sokka protested, smiling and stretching his arms lazily.

"What are you two doing?" Awng asked, blinking. He seemed somehow more confused than usual.

"Just hanging around," Sokka shrugged, plopping heavily to the ground.

"How's your, erm," Aang hesitated, "_training_ going?"

Awng shrugged, looking suddenly quite melancholy. "It's not going so well," he confessed after a moment. "I can't seem to focus for some reason. And I keep getting this strange feeling that… well, that it's all just… _pointless_."

"Hm. Fancy that," Sokka commented, smirking.

"And besides that," Awng went on, blinking rapidly in his consternation, "I can't get Katarola to notice me. Every time I try to talk to her, she just goes back to the script and starts saying her lines. It's like the only reason she talks to me at all is because Lord Shyamalan says so… What do you think I should do, Aang?"

"You want _me _to give you advice about talking to a girl?" Aang asked, surprised.

"Well… yeah," Awng shrugged, rubbing his bald head with embarrassment. "You just… I don't know… you just seem like you're really good with the ladies."

"_HA!_" Sokka burst into thunderous chortles. "_HA! HA HA HA!_ _Hahahahaha!_ Aha aha aha! Hee Hee! Heh…"

His guffaws died slowly away as he realized Aang was glaring rather indignantly at him.

"Ahem," Sokka coughed, still grinning widely. "Sorry, Aang."

Aang rolled his eyes and turned back to Awng. "Well, I was _going _to say, I'm actually not that great when it comes to girls. But I think Sokka kind of summed that up for me already."

"But," Awng argued, making his Scrunched-up Face, "but you've got a girlfriend. Animated Katara likes you."

"Yeah, but I had a crush on her for three whole seasons before we were actually together," Aang shook his head. "Not very fun… And believe me, I _tried _to get her attention."

"He did some pretty dumb stuff to try to get her attention," Sokka added, still smirking. "Like almost getting eaten by a sea monster. Remember that?"

"Sometimes she acted like she liked me," Aang went on, recalling the exasperation of that time, "and other times she just confused me. I did everything I could think of, but… well, I mean… she didn't _actually _decide she wanted to be with me until after I defeated the Fire Lord and saved the whole world!"

Awng stared at him, his wide eyes blinking with increasing hopelessness.

"You had to save the world to get a girlfriend?" he asked finally, dejected.

"It's not easy to get girls to like you," Sokka interjected, brimming with self-satisfaction. "Well, it is _for me_. I mean, they practically fall all over me. But, you know, I've just got a gift."

"I guess what I'm saying is," Aang said to Awng, "don't give up. It's just hard sometimes."

"Especially when you don't have any hair," Sokka added.

Now both of the bald Airbenders glared at him.

Sokka shrugged. "Hey! I'm just saying, I think it's kind of an acquired taste for a lot of girls. But don't worry – you pull it off well, Baldy." He grinned brightly at Aang.

Aang rolled his eyes again. "Thanks, Sokka," he said flatly.

"Sure thing. Well," Sokka said, rising to his feet and stretching, "Speaking of girls, I'm gonna go check up on Suki. A little quality Sokka-Time should drive her cold away before you know it!... So I'll see you guys later. Have fun with your little dance practice there, kid."

As Sokka marched jauntily back toward their camp, whistling a cheerful tune, Awng sat on the ground with a heavy, forlorn sigh. Aang came and sat beside him.

"Look, Awng," Aang began, uncertain how to broach the subject of Lord Shyamalan. "I've been thinking about some things. About the movie. I know you guys are trying to do a good job, but I've got to be honest with you – it's bad. It's just _really _bad."

Awng turned his eyes sadly to his animated counterpart, and sighed again. "I… I know."

"You _know_?" Aang asked, truly astonished.

"I've been thinking about it a lot recently," Awng confessed. "I don't know how I never noticed before. I try to ignore it, but I can't – it's just… _bad_."

"Wow," Aang said, amazed that Awng had come to the conclusion on his own.

"I don't know what to do, though," Awng sighed wearily. "I mean, I'm just a regular kid with no acting experience and a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I can't do _anything_."

"There _is _something you can do," Aang said quickly, with growing excitement. "You can face Lord Shyamalan yourself!"

"What?" Awng cried, shocked at such a suggestion. "But how could I possibly do that? And what good would it do?"

"Awng, just listen," Aang went on eagerly. "Everything that's really bad in this movie – the dialogue, the pacing, the character development, the plot-holes you could fly an Air Bison through – all of that is because of Lord Shyamalan! If you want to make a real difference, you're going to have to face him. I don't know how yet, but I'm sure there's a way. We're in an illogical fanfic, after all! If nothing else, I'm sure the fanfic author will just send you off to face Lord Shyamalan somewhere without any explanation at all in just a chapter or two!"

"You think so?" Awng asked, his eyes growing wide and his mouth quivering slightly. "But – but _why _does it have to be me?"

"Well, as far as I know, you're the only Movie Character so far who's actually realized how bad the movie is," Aang pointed out. "And besides, you're the Avatar. Or Ahvatar. However you want to say it. You're the main protagonist of the movie; who else could be better qualified to save it? I think – I think it's your _destiny_, Awng."

"I… I don't know, Aang," Awng sighed, looking flustered and overwhelmed. "What if I fail?"

"You won't," Aang asserted, with deep conviction. "I believe you can do it. You have to. For everyone's sake – for all you Movie Characters, and all of us Animated Characters, and especially for all of our many, many disappointed fans."

Awng sighed heavily again, staring straight ahead. "Well," he said reluctantly, "I need to think about it."

"Sure," Aang nodded, patting him encouragingly on the back. "Oh, and about Katarola – my advice is to just be yourself. Or, well… Your real self, not your Movie Self. You're pretty boring as your Movie Self. No offense."

Awng shrugged. "None taken."

"And also," Aang added after a moment of thought, "if Sokka gives you advice about girls, just do the opposite of whatever he says. Trust me on that one."

* * *

Later that night, as everyone slept soundly around the remains of their campfire, Aang was awoken by the rustling of leaves and the unmistakable grunts of Old Blueface. Sitting up with a yawn, the animated Airbender rubbed his eyes sleepily and saw Awng not far away, about to climb onto Movie Appa's back.

"Hey," Aang whispered, careful not to wake the others. "Whatcha doing?"

Awng glanced back at his animated counterpart anxiously.

"Oh," he muttered softly. "I'm just going to go visit that old abandoned Air Temple over there. Just for a little while. I'll be back soon."

"Uh, okay," Aang murmured, "but… why?"

"Well, I – um…" Awng furrowed his brow for a moment, puzzled. "Wait, hold on – I'll think of it in a second…"

"Never mind," Aang waved his hands dismissively. "I forgot that motivation isn't important in this movie. But are you sure you want to go by yourself? I could go with you."

"No, no, that's all right," Awng shook his head. "I'm supposed to go by myself."

"Oh." Aang paused for a moment, then shrugged. "Well. Have fun, then."

The animated Airbender rolled over to go back to sleep, but Awng hesitated suddenly – those nagging, out-of-character thoughts beginning to bother him again. After a brief conflict within himself, the live-action boy spoke up once more, in a cautious hush. "Wait – Aang?"

"Hm?" Aang mumbled.

"Do you, um – do you think maybe it's a bad idea? Maybe I just shouldn't go at all."

Aang yawned, and sat up again, looking carefully at his tormented live-action doppelganger. "Well – I'm not sure what the point is," Aang shrugged. "But I don't see any harm in it, either."

"Because I was just thinking," Awng went on, flustered, "I mean, there are a bunch of Fire Nation people out looking for me. It would probably be a lot safer just to stay here with the group. Right?"

Aang shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess it would be safer. But then again, what is there to worry about?"

"Well... what if there's an ambush or something?" Awng asked nervously.

"What?" Aang chuckled softly. "An _ambush_? You mean up there, at the old, _abandoned_ Air Temple that no one could _possibly_ know you were going to visit? _Right_. I doubt anyone's even up there. And even if there _is _someone there, for some reason – then, like I said, they couldn't possibly know you were coming. It's not like there's a reason for you to go there; and obviously this is sort of a last minute, spontaneous thing. And if they don't know you're coming, there's no way they could set up anything like an ambush before you even got there... And anyway, if worst comes to worst and somehow you _do _get in trouble… Well, you're the Avatar, right? I'm sure you'd be able to handle it just fine."

Awng smiled slowly, reassured. "You're right," he nodded after a moment. "There's nothing to worry about. Thanks, Aang."

"No problem," Aang yawned again, turning over once more and settling back down to sleep. Behind him, he heard Awng clamber onto Old Blueface's back and softly shout "_Yip yip_!" With a loud moan, the CGI bison took off into the sky.

Aang lay there for a few moments, not quite asleep, his thoughts meandering casually. What had happened at this part in the movie, anyway? He couldn't quite remember. Let's see... It was some point after the embarrassing Earthbenders in the prison... The Movie Characters were in a forest… Then Awng went to the Air Temple in the middle of the night… And then... Oh, wasn't there a strange old man at the temple? Yeah, that was weird... And he took Awng down into the room full of statues… And then… ?

_Oh._

The rest of the scene suddenly came back to him. _Archers hiding in the statues_. _Right._

Aang sat up quickly, to warn Awng – but it was too late. Awng was already gone.

"... Oops," Aang muttered, a little guiltily. "Oh, well."

He rolled over and went back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning was painfully dull. With Awng gone, Katarola and Sockson both seemed fully content to do absolutely nothing. They weren't in this part of the movie, after all. The "exciting" part was whatever was happening with Awng, up in the Air Temple. And until Awng got back, it was their duty to sit around uselessly and wait for their next scene. Meanwhile, the rest of Team Avatar spent the day in a state of complete and utter _ennui_, lazily lounging around the forest and reminiscing about all the things they missed from their Animated Universe.

"Wonder how Appa's doing?" Aang reflected quietly, leaning against a tree trunk and staring dully up at the myriad of branches overhead.

"I dunno," Katara sighed, rolling over onto her back beside him. "I could really go for some of Iroh's tea right now, though."

"Does anyone else feel kind of bad that we basically abandoned Iroh and Zuko back at the South Pole?" Suki added, sniffling. She was curled into a ball beside Sokka, wrapped up in a blanket.

"They'll be okay," Sokka waved his arms. "We'll probably meet up with them again soon. You know who I really miss, though? Momo."

"Yeah," Aang sighed. "Momo."

"And that Cabbage Guy," Sokka added.

"Oh, yeah!" Aang laughed. "And the Foaming Mouth Guy on Kyoshi Island."

"I don't really miss him," Katara said. "He kind of creeps me out."

"He kind of creeps all of us out," Suki agreed with a loud sneeze.

"You okay, Suki?" Aang asked.

Suki sniffled again, and sighed. "I'll be fine."

"I'd make you some soup," Sokka offered. "But I'm afraid I'm fresh out of Arctic Hen."

"That's all right, Sokka," Suki smiled at him fondly. "I appreciate the thought, though."

"Mm, Arctic Hen," Katara murmured dreamily. "And steamed sea prunes!"

"_Sea prunes_!" Sokka sighed as well, beginning to drool.

"Blech," Aang grimaced.

Katarola and Sockson came strolling by at that moment, Katarola looking wide-eyed, wide-mouthed, and emotional as usual; Sockson frowning distantly, customarily over-serious and agitated about nothing. The two Movie Characters sat down, joining the circle of Animated Characters.

"What are all of you talking about?" Katarola asked, smiling blankly.

"_Sea prunes_!" Sokka replied happily.

"Oh," Katarola blinked, her empty smile unwavering. "That's nice."

"Never liked prunes," Sockson mumbled fiercely, scowling off into space.

"So, what's going on? You two want to chit-chat now?" Katara asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't you narrate for us, Little Miss Exposition? You know – just so we all know what's going on. We wouldn't want to get confused."

Katarola's lip trembled. Her eyes glistened with tears.

"Yep, and there she goes with the waterworks," Katara waved her arms, snickering caustically. "Right on cue. At least you're consistent – I'll give you that."

Sockson growled at Katara sternly, clenching his teeth. "You know – all you guys have done since you got here is make fun of us!"

"It's just so easy," Sokka shrugged. "We can't resist."

Katarola burst into tears - _again_ - scrambling to her feet and fleeing away from the group. Sockson frowned angrily at all of them. Sokka just shook his head, chuckling under his breath. Katara rolled her eyes in annoyance. Only Aang seemed the smallest bit remorseful.

"Katara," he said softly. "Maybe you shouldn't be so mean to her?"

"I'm sorry, Aang," Katara muttered bitterly. "I just can't help it. I can't stand this movie, I'm tired of being in this fanfic, and she just gets on my last nerve! If she would at least grow a backbone, or a personality, or _something_, it wouldn't be so bad, but I – ugh! I'm sorry."

"No, I understand," Aang nodded with a heavy sigh. "All the same, maybe someone should go talk to her?"

He glanced around the group. Sokka whistled casually, refusing to meet his eye. Suki sneezed and sniffled miserably. Katara was still seething, staring hard at a leaf on the ground, clearly unwilling to apologize to the live-action girl any time soon. And Sockson just glared at him.

Aang sighed again, wearily. "Okay… I guess _I'll _go talk to her, then."

He found Katarola sitting by the edge of the lake, sobbing pathetically. Aang rolled his eyes and inhaled slowly – why did _he _always seem to get stuck being the nice guy? He sat down beside her and stared at the ripples in the water for a few moments, while Katarola sniveled dramatically.

"Hey," he finally mumbled uncomfortably. "So, um… Yeah, sorry about what Katara said back there. She's just in a bad mood, that's all."

"Sh-sh-she h-h-hates m-m-m-me!" Katarola whimpered pitifully, her lips quivering.

Aang glanced away, resisting the urge to give the girl a good shake and command her to get a grip. "She doesn't hate you," he said finally, reluctantly. It was probably a lie, but he thought the situation called for a little stretching of the truth. "It's just that, well… you know… she's not as _sensitive_ as you. And remember, you're supposed to be her, so you can't blame her for getting a little impatient sometimes."

"I-I-I-I only do wh-what Lord Shyamalan tells me," Katarola protested between sobs. "It's n-n-n-not my fault. L-L-Lord Shyamalan thinks I'm a g-g-good actress. He said he wouldn't do the movie without m-me!"

"I think you just need to tone down the emotions a bit. Or, well, _a lot_," Aang suggested, attempting to sound helpful and encouraging. "And you probably shouldn't narrate things anymore. And maybe you should try to stand up for yourself once in a while instead of waiting around for other characters to do something."

"B-b-but I'm j-just following the s-s-s-s-s-s-script," Katarola shook her head fervently, hiccupping as her tears began to die down. "I d-don't know what else to do!"

"Well… why don't you try _not_ following the script?" Aang asked.

"Wh-wh-what?" Katarola gasped, turning her wide, dewy eyes upon Aang. Clearly, this was a shocking new concept to her.

"Yeah," Aang grinned. "Do something just because you want to, or try just talking to people without reciting your lines. Say whatever you feel like!"

"Anything at all?" Katarola breathed, staring wide-eyed at him.

"Sure!" Aang smiled eagerly – maybe he could make a breakthrough with Katarola, like he'd done with Awng. If he could get _two _of the Movie Characters to reach enlightenment about Lord Shyamalan's incompetence, they would have an even better chance of defeating him! "Anything that comes to mind."

"Whatever I feel like?"

"Whatever you actually feel. Without thinking about it too much."

Katarola smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling suddenly. "Oh, Aang," she cried. "_Kiss me_!"

Aang choked violently. "_WHAT_?" he shouted, extremely alarmed.

She tackled him before he could react. Aang screamed in horror and frantically attempted to scramble away. But the live-action girl held him tight, squeezing him in a smothering grip.

"Kiss me, you adorable, animated, arrow-headed cutie!" she demanded delightedly, pinning him helplessly to the ground.

Aang's eyes were wide with panic. "Um…!" he stammered anxiously. "I think there's been a _major _misunderstanding here – !"

The live-action girl attempted to kiss him, while he struggled unsuccessfully to weasel his way out of her grip.

"You're so spontaneous!" she exclaimed passionately. "So vivacious! I've never met anyone so alive!"

"_Help!_" Aang bellowed, as she finally succeeded in planting a hearty kiss on him. He sputtered. "This doesn't even – ! I'm a cartoon! _How does this even work_? KATARA, _HELP_!"

A massive water-whip suddenly rose from the surface of the lake, instantly smacking Katarola and knocking her a good distance away from the flustered Airbender. Katara herself had, of course, come running as soon as she'd heard the commotion, and stood beside them now, fuming. Literally - Aang could have sworn he saw steam coming from her ears. She looked ready to thoroughly pummel someone – namely, Katarola.

"GET YOUR DAINTY LITTLE CUPCAKE HANDS _OFF _MY _BOYFRIEND_, YOU PASTY, POUTY, BONEHEADED LITTLE FLOOZY!" she thundered, full of wrath.

Aang, still in shock, sat on the ground and watched as Katara proceeded to pound Katarola with a deluge of water from the lake, furiously calling her several unpleasant names that Aang didn't even know that Katara _knew_ (and some he didn't even know _existed_). Sokka, Suki, and Sockson all came running a few moments later, curious to see what kind of catastrophe had just taken place. When Sokka heard the things Katara was shouting, he flushed.

"Katara!" he scolded her. "Watch your mouth! What would Gran-Gran say?"

As soon as Katarola was thoroughly drenched and beaten, Katara turned and snatched Aang rather ungently off the ground, brushing him off and squeezing him protectively.

"Get your own Airbender!" she bellowed ferociously at Katarola. Then she looked at Aang. "Are you okay?"

Aang, dizzy and bewildered and thoroughly unsettled, just blinked at her for a moment in a daze. "I... I just feel so… _violated_!" He shuddered.

"Don't worry, Aang," Katara said soothingly. "It's going to be okay. We'll just go back to camp and forget this whole thing ever happened. Okay?"

"Okay," Aang mumbled distantly, leaning on her shoulder. She began leading him back toward the camp, leaving behind Sokka and Suki – astonished but entertained – as well as a very angry Sockson, and a very saturated, disoriented Katarola.

* * *

Later that evening, Aang sat alone beside the campfire. Now it was his turn to glare and brood. Sokka waltzed over and sat wordlessly down beside him, chuckling.

"What's so funny?" Aang asked, extremely not amused.

"Oh, pretty much everything," Sokka replied cheerfully. "You've had a pretty exciting day, haven't you, lover boy?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Aang grumbled, flushing with embarrassment. He still felt thoroughly violated.

"Hey, don't be so upset!" Sokka grinned, punching him lightly in the arm. "You should be proud."

"Huh?" Aang gaped at him, wrinkling his eyebrows in profound confusion.

"Yeah! Think about it," Sokka snickered. "You had _two Kataras _fighting over you!"

Aang was silent for a few moments, his eyes slowly broadening with this revelation. He hadn't thought about it like that before. Suddenly, the entire unpleasant ordeal didn't seem so horrible. The animated Airbender's mouth slowly grew into a rather dreamy grin. "_Flameo_!" he exclaimed at last, under his breath.

At about that moment, Awng came stumbling into the camp, looking beaten and weary. Aang and Sokka both turned, startled at the sound of his footsteps, and gaped at him in surprise.

"Hey! You're back!" Aang cried.

"Where've you been?" Sokka asked.

"I got captured," Awng replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh, yeah," Aang blushed, still feeling a little guilty. "So… how'd that go?"

Awng shrugged casually. "It was okay," he said, coming to sit down on the other side of Aang. "There was some old guy at the Air Temple, for some reason, and he led me to this secret room full of statues. I guess I should have thought it was a little strange that there would be an old guy hanging around an old abandoned temple, but for some reason I just didn't think about it at the time… Anyway, and then somehow in the room of statues there were a bunch of these archers already hiding and waiting for me."

"Wait, you got ambushed?" Sokka interrupted incredulously. "But how could they have possibly known you were coming? None of _us _even knew that you were going there!"

Awng just shrugged again. "I dunno," he muttered nonchalantly.

"Well," Aang asked. "Did you fight them?"

Awng's eyes shifted slightly with embarrassment. "Uh… a little."

Aang just sighed, exasperated, rubbing his forehead.

"Anyway, then I met General Zhao," Awng continued rather indifferently. "He talked a lot, and kept mentioning something about a library… I don't know. He seemed a little obsessed with it. And then this strange person in a blue mask showed up and set me free. And you'll never guess who it – !"

"You mean Movie Zuko?" Aang interjected in a bored tone.

"Oh," Awng blinked, taken aback. "Wait, how did you know?"

"Awng," Aang stared impatiently at him for a moment. "You're _me_. Remember?"

"Oh, right," Awng mumbled. "Well, anyway, me and him fought a bunch of guys. It was fun. And – Oh! Oh! _AND I FOUND THE AIRBENDER'S OLD PRACTICE AREA!_"

Aang and Sokka both raised their eyebrows at the live-action boy. He seemed unreasonably enthusiastic about that one small detail.

"Um, that's… great?" Aang said slowly. "But why is that important?"

"_At all_?" Sokka added, with an extra scoop of cynicism.

Awng shrugged again, and frowned, apparently perplexed as to why neither of them found this small bit of information significant. "I don't know," he murmured after a moment. "Just felt like mentioning it to you guys. You know… Just so you know."

"Great," Sokka rolled his eyes. "Well, thanks for that little tidbit of info, there. Good to know that in the middle of a huge battle, at least you managed to find the practice area."

"Well," Awng blinked at them, yawning. "I'm pretty tired after that big fight scene. I think I'm going to go to bed. I guess we should be arriving at the North Pole in the next chapter."

"And you guys know what that means!" Sokka grinned jubilantly.

"The movie's almost over!" Aang sighed in relief.

"Good-night," Awng said.

"Night, Awng," Aang replied. As Awng stood and wandered off to find a place to sleep beneath the trees, Katara approached the two animated boys and took Awng's vacated place beside Aang, leaning sleepily on the Airbender's shoulder.

"I'm so ready to get out of this movie," she commented wearily.

"I know, Katara," Aang replied softly. "But it's almost done. We've probably only got a chapter or two left after this."

"Ugh!" Katara groaned. "I wish it would just end already. I mean, what's the point? There's nothing that can be done to save this movie."

"I think there is," Aang shook his head, gazing pensively into the fire. "I think Awng can face Lord Shyamalan and defeat him before this fanfic is over."

Katara sat up and stared at him, taken aback. "Awng? Defeat Lord Shyamalan? _Really_, Aang?" Her voice was heavy with skepticism. "I'm not so sure – I mean, _look _at him! Look at all of them! They have no idea what they're doing!"

"We have to give them a chance, Katara," Aang insisted. "We can't give up yet! I know right now everything seems pretty hopeless, but… I think there's a reason we came here. Lord Shyamalan may have destroyed all the life in this movie, but I haven't lost hope. I think it's Awng's destiny to defeat Lord Shyamalan… Sure, he's still got a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Awng can save the movie!"

Sokka immediately began humming dramatically, "_DU-U-UMM, _DAH DAH_ DU-U-UMM_…!"

Katara and Aang both glanced sidelong at him. "Uh, Sokka?" Katara said. "What are you doing?"

"I'm humming the theme song from the show!" Sokka grinned. Aang and Katara just stared at him, their eyebrows raised sardonically. Sokka scowled. "It seemed appropriate, _okay_?" he protested.

* * *

**There we go! Not as epic as the previous chapter... But it's really hard to top Zuko on cactus juice, haha. Coming soon: the North Pole, and the final battle with Lord Shyamalan! :D**


	8. Part Eight: Yue Says Her Lines

**Hey guys! I know I say this at the beginning of like every chapter, but thanks so much for all the awesome reviews! I'm actually surprised that I managed to keep up the funny this long, lol... I'm sad we're almost to the end too. But also happy. Cause it's gonna be EPIC! Ha! :D**

**DISCLAIMER: "Avatar: the Last Airbender" BELONGS TO ME! MWAHAHAHA!... Just kidding. I own nothing. Nothing at all. Not the cartoon, not the movie, not the characters. And definitely not the Fourth Wall. Those belong to Nickelodeon, Viacom, Lord Shyamalan, Paramount, and... er... well, I don't really know _who _owns the Fourth Wall. But whoever they are, they are probably powerful enough to crush me. I am merely a mad fanfiction tyrant. Tee hee!**

* * *

**PART EIGHT**

**"In Which Movie Yue Says her Lines, and Mai Shatters the Fourth Wall in Brand New Ways"**

…

Zuko awoke in the cabin of Z-Patel's ship, his head throbbing mercilessly.

"Ow, oof," Zuko murmured, blinking several times. The dark room was blurry and foggy, and the dim lamp in the corner burned his retinas and hammered inside his head with tenfold maliciousness. After a few excruciating moments, his eyes managed to adjust somewhat, and he recognized the dark shape of Mai, sitting beside his bed and smirking at him.

"Hey, Sleepy Head," she said, leaning down and giving him a quick kiss.

"Ugh, my head," Zuko moaned in agony. "Mai… I had the most horrible dream…"

"Hm, let me guess," she smiled sardonically. "You dreamed you went into the Movie World, and had an indescribably bleak time. And then you found out that all of us are actually just animated characters stuck in an fanfiction parody, got yourself some cactus juice, and became a master Spoonbender with a crowd of adoring fangirls."

Zuko blinked at her.

"Is that about right?" she smirked.

"Then," he murmured, "it _actually_ happened? It was all true?"

"Afraid so."

"And… we're all really animated characters? Stuck in fanfiction? And everything I always thought was real is just a lie?"

"Don't worry, Zuko." She patted his hand comfortingly. "Once you get used to the idea, it's really rather… liberating."

Zuko leaned back in the bed, pressing his forehead with another miserable groan. "And the fourth wall?"

"It's right over there," Mai said, pointing. Zuko looked. Sure enough, on the other end of the room, one of the walls had a large, red number "4" painted onto it, and was riddled with several deep cracks. A small sign had been attached to one corner of the wall, with a single word printed on it: _FRAGILE_.

"You mean," Zuko gasped, alarmed. "You mean it was there the whole time?"

"It's always there, Zuko," Mai nodded. "You can't escape it. Not when you're a fictional character, at least. All you can do is break it and laugh."

Z-Patel stumbled through the cabin door a moment later. He, too, was holding his head and groaning miserably. As he came through the doorway, he took off an eerie blue mask with a thick, black wig attached to it, and cradled it absent-mindedly in the crook of his elbow.

"Hey," Z-Patel mumbled.

"Hey," Zuko croaked back. "So, yeah, uh… Some night, huh?"

"You're telling me," Z-Patel griped wretchedly. "At least you got to sleep. I had to go out in the middle of the night to save that stupid Avatar kid from General Zhao."

"What's with the wig?" Zuko couldn't help but ask, raising his eyebrows at the blue mask in Z-Patel's hand.

"It's part of the disguise," Z-Patel explained, furrowing his brow in mild confusion. "You know… Blue Spirit? Didn't you have a Blue Spirit disguise too?"

"Um..." Zuko stared dully at the mask and the coarse, black wig for a long time. "Yes. But the wig is new. Seems a little unnecessary, don't you think?"

Z-Patel just glanced at the mask for a moment thoughtfully, and finally tossed it to the floor with a half-hearted, indifferent shrug. "Well, anyway, Zuko… I just wanted to say, um… I'm really sorry about breaking the fourth wall for you. I mean, I thought you already knew. I didn't mean to freak you out like that."

"It's okay," Zuko sighed, sitting up slowly and achingly in the bed. "I'd rather know the truth, no matter how upsetting it is."

"Oh, good! You're awake!" came Iroh's voice, as the old animated general himself came sauntering through the door behind Z-Patel. He was grinning from ear to ear. Zuko took one look at him and groaned again loudly, lying back down in the bed and covering his head with the pillow.

"No, Uncle!" Zuko cried. "No! You didn't! _Tell me you didn't get dreadlocks_!"

Iroh tossed his head, shaking his brand new dreadlocks gleefully. "Eeroh was right, Zuko!" he declared. "They really do grow on you after a while!"

"Mai!" Zuko exclaimed in horror. "Why didn't you stop him or something?"

Mai leaned back against the wall, shrugging casually, her mouth twitching in a small smile at Zuko's extreme dismay. "I dunno, Zuko," she said. "They're not so bad. They're definitely… um… interesting. Don't you think so?"

"Speaking of interesting, Zuko," Iroh said, stroking some of his dreadlocks pensively, "I bought a cheap black wig when we were in that Earth Kingdom town, and it seems to have mysteriously disappeared since last night. Have you seen where it went?"

Z-Patel's eyes suddenly shifted dubiously. He casually took a step to stand in front of the Blue Spirit mask he'd thrown on the ground, and kicked it surreptitiously under the nearest table and out of sight from Iroh.

"What?" Zuko blinked at his uncle, baffled and unhappy. "Uncle – why _in the world_ would you buy a cheap black wig?"

Iroh shrugged. "Just in case we ever decided to put on a play or something back in the Animated Universe. You know how it is – you can never find something like that when you really need it. It could have made a nice pillow stuffing, too... . Or maybe, uh... hm... Well, apparently _somebody _else wanted it, because it's gone now."

"Hm, that's just so unusual!" Z-Patel muttered, trying much too hard to be nonchalant. He whistled casually.

"We will soon be arriving at the Northern Water Tribe's city, everyone," said Eeroh, suddenly popping his own dreadlocked head into the crowded cabin. His tranquil gaze fell rather indifferently upon Z-Patel. "Ah, glad to see you are back, Z-Patel. Everyone was looking for you this morning. I told them all that you went out to see a girl…"

Z-Patel just scowled and looked away.

"You do _like _girls, don't you, Z-Patel?" Eeroh urged gently.

"_Yes_, Uncle," Z-Patel sighed.

"Hm, I'm glad to hear that," Eeroh nodded serenely. "So, where were you last night?"

"Nowhere," Z-Patel muttered, staring directly at his live-action uncle with a stern frown.

"Well," Eeroh nodded softly, shrugging casually. "Take some rest. It looks like you've been through a great deal, ah?... I mean, what with all that cactus juice, and sneaking out in the middle of the night…"

"Yes, Uncle," Z-Patel sighed, massaging his aching temples wearily.

"Take some rest. I will wake you when we arrive at the North Pole," Eeroh smiled. "When you wake, we will have tea together."

"Count me in!" Iroh interjected eagerly.

"Of course, my friend," Eeroh grinned at Iroh. "We could hardly have tea without you! And those new dreadlocks are becoming you quite well, are they not?"

"Oh, yes," Iroh nodded, relishing the stiff way they bounced off one another. "I think I may start a whole new fashion trend with these when I return home!"

Zuko groaned again, miserably, and tried harder to smother his face in the pillow. Mai snickered and patted his arms lightly.

"There, there, Zuko," she said. "Don't get upset. It'll never catch on."

* * *

Awng wore his All-Purpose Blank Face, his mouth agape, his eyes wide and vacant. He had been wearing the same expression now for a good five minutes, and it was beginning to make him tired.

They were all drifting slowly toward the arch of the magnificent outer wall of the Northern Water Tribe citadel, the frigid waters swirling and splashing against Old Blueface's furry CGI sides. Before them and behind them, Northern Water Tribe people glided over the choppy waves in slender, intricate longboats. Sockson, Katarola, Aang, Katara, Sokka and Suki were all cramped together up in Old Blueface's saddle, also gazing in awe at the extravagant surroundings.

But none of them could pull off the Blank Face as expertly, and for as long a stretch of time, as Awng could. He was the master.

Aang, Sokka and Katara were all rather surprised at themselves. Though they hated to admit it, after all the awful things they'd witnessed in this movie, the scenery left them breathless. They'd spent quite a while in the Animated Northern Water Tribe city at the end of Season One, of course, and hadn't expected it to impress them much in the movie. But it did. Just the first glimpse of that massive, textury outer wall had stirred in all of them a wave of wistful admiration.

"You know," Aang commented quietly as they passed into the main gate of the city. "It's really kind of a shame."

"What do you mean?" Sokka asked.

"I mean, look at this place," Aang said, waving his arms vaguely around them. "It looks _good_. Not just good – it looks _amazing_! But it only makes me sad…"

"I know how you feel, Aang," Katara nodded sorrowfully. "I was just thinking the same thing. It's actually too bad it looks so good – all it makes me think of is how good the _whole _movie should have been… So much potential…"

"Wasted," Aang sighed. "Oh, well."

Suki, in the middle of staring at the intricate scenery, suddenly sneezed loudly.

"Bless you – " Sokka said, then sneezed himself, even louder.

"Oh, no, Sokka!" Katara cried. "Don't _you _get sick, too!"

"I'm fine," Sokka waved his arms dismissively, sniffling slightly.

As the group floated through the wide archway of the gate and into the main canal of the city, they all turned back and watched a wall of gurgling water rise slowly up to fill the open gap behind them. Then, turning forward once more, they beheld two long lines of Waterbenders in blue robes, standing along both sides of the canal. All of the Waterbenders were moving and twirling their arms in a slow, mystical dance.

Katara just rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Great," she muttered. "They do the dreamy Water Waltz here, too. _Perfect_."

One abrupt scene cut later, and the group found themselves suddenly at the crown of the citadel, in a wide, snowy courtyard, approaching the royal officials of the city. The royal court was seated in a row of magnificent thrones at one end of the courtyard, with a small decorative pool of water at their feet. Awng, Katarola and Sockson led the way toward the grand figures, with the Animated Characters trudging half-heartedly behind them.

Live-action Princess Yue, seated in the center throne with old, gray-haired men on either side of her, smiled gently at the group with her vivid blue eyes. The Movie Characters bowed first. The Animated Characters, realizing after a moment that they were expected to bow as well, followed suit.

Yue's eyes fell first upon Sockson, whom she gazed at for several moments. Sockson gazed back, suddenly looking almost – _happy_ – for the first time in the entire movie.

But an instant later, her eyes shifted slightly, and landed upon Animated Sokka. Sokka, who was feeling quite disconcerted in her presence, blushed and awkwardly looked away. Suki, meanwhile, glanced first at him – then at Yue – then back at him, frowning. He grinned nervously at her and squeezed her hand tightly. Sockson, too, realizing suddenly that Movie Yue was no longer looking at him, frowned and scowled at Sokka over his shoulder. Sokka just shrugged helplessly.

Meanwhile, Katarola bit her lip. Her wide eyes grew wider than usual, and she suddenly whimpered. She looked as if she were about to burst like an over-inflated balloon.

Awng glanced at her, noticing her sudden distress. "Don't do it, Katarola," he warned her softly.

"_But I have to_!" she gasped, twitching violently and shifting her feet anxiously, like she needed very badly to go to the bathroom. "Just this once!"

"No, you really _don't _have to!" Awng shook his head at her urgently. "Everyone can already see what's going on. And Animated Katara may hurt you again if you do. Resist the urge, Katarola! Fight it!"

Katarola held her breath, turning red, her eyes darting around frantically. At last, she couldn't stand it anymore. She exploded into a stream of rapid, breathless narration.

"_WE ARRIVED AT THE NORTHERN WATER TRIBE WE PRESENTED OURSELVES TO THE ROYAL COURT MY BROTHER AND THE PRINCESS BECAME FRIENDS RIGHT AWAY" - _gasp!_ - _"_AWNG SHOWED THEM HE WAS THE LAST AIRBENDER AND WAS ACCEPTED TO TRAIN WITH THE MASTER __THE CITY KNEW OUR ARRIVAL __WOULD" - _gasp! -_ "BRING GREAT DANGER AND THEY PREPARED FOR A WAR THEY KNEW WOULD COME IN THE ENSUING WEEKS!" _- gasp! gasp!

Katarola breathed heavily, relieved and exhausted. "Phew!" she sighed. Everyone stared at her, surprised and bewildered by her sudden outburst of unnecessary exposition. Katara sent her an icy glare.

The live-action girl cowered. "I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! That's the last time, I promise!"

"It had better be," Katara warned her, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

* * *

"The city was designed to withstand any assault," a friendly-looking old man with curly gray-hair – apparently Movie Pakku, with noticeably less chauvinism and stubbornness than his more interesting animated namesake – explained to the group.

They were all in a small space, enclosed by stone columns on all sides. Movie Pakku had a rather lovely map of the city spread out on a table before them, and ran his fingers over it as he spoke. They were discussing the plan for how to deal with the Fire Nation's impending Siege, which - as everyone knew - would be coming very soon, now that the protagonists had arrived in the city. Princess Yue stood across the table from Movie Pakku, listening intently, with Sockson standing protectively at her right hand. Awng, Katarola, and the remainder of Team Avatar all stood behind them, listening with uncommitted curiosity.

Sockson was a pillar of awkward intensity. Movie Yue now and then inched slightly away from him, but he just kept scooting closer to her every time. Sokka could only shake his head at the two of them, scoffing quietly to himself and trying hard to ignore his increasingly stuffy nose. Suki sniffled beside him; he put his arm around her shoulder.

"If we keep them to the courtyard and the marketplace till night falls," Movie Pakku went on, pointing to the map of the citadel, "when _we _have the advantage, we will succeed. If we let too many of them into this city, their sheer numbers could overwhelm us."

Yue's eyes watched the old Waterbending Master with genuine concern; but she shuffled a small distance away from Sockson again. He quickly closed the gap between them once more.

"As many fires as possible should be put out in this city when the alarm sounds," Movie Pakku continued. "We want to minimize their Bender's sources."

"Hey, uh, I have a crazy idea," Sokka spoke up suddenly, unable to resist. "Why don't we put _all _of the fires out?"

Pakku, Yue, Sockson, Awng and Katarola all gaped at him as if the very idea were ludicrous.

"We can't possibly put out _all _of the fires!" Pakku protested, shaking his head subtly and chuckling lightly.

"Um, why not?" Sokka asked, wrinkling his brow.

"Well, of course, because… um…" Pakku began confidently, then hesitated. "Well… How will people keep warm?"

Sokka stared at him for a long moment, utterly deadpan. Finally, he shrugged in defeat. "Okay, fine. Whatever. Wouldn't want the people to be a little chilly, now would we? Because _clearly _that's the more important issue at the moment – not, you know, the fact that the Fire Nation is going to invade in a little while, or the fact that they're all pretty much useless unless they've got fire to bend. No, no – let's just _give _them weapons. I guess it's only fair, since their Bending stinks so much in this movie anyway. Wouldn't want to have an unfair advantage over the bad guys who are trying to take over the world! That would just be mean, right?"

Pakku furrowed his old, gray brow at the young animated warrior, looking more perplexed than anything else. Aang, Katara and Suki all snickered quietly under their breaths. Sockson sent Sokka a ferocious scowl of death. But Movie Yue shifted her blue-eyed gaze toward Sokka for a moment, and smiled.

Sokka did not look back at her – quickly, he pulled Suki closer to himself and whistled nonchalantly.

At last, Pakku shook his head – presumably deciding to simply ignore Sokka – and turned back to Movie Yue. "I must assign a guard to be with you at all times, Princess," he said. "Your presence is our inspiration."

"I'll do it," Sockson declared, very softly and _very _seriously. Yue glanced at him with slight uneasiness. "It's me, I'll be her guard. Nothing will happen to her."

"Um," Yue suddenly spoke up hesitantly, pointing to Animated Sokka. "Actually, could I have _that _Sokka protect me instead? This one makes me a little uncomfortable."

Sokka blushed and stammered, his eyes darting around nervously.

"_No_!" Suki declared fiercely – instinctively taking hold of Sokka's arm. Though with her clogged nose, it really came out more like _"Dho_!"

"What do you mean, _uncomfortable_?" Sockson demanded, pouting bitterly at Movie Yue.

Yue ignored Sockson, studying Sokka and Suki carefully. Her bright blue eyes pleaded with Sokka. Sokka blushed again, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Uh, sorry, Movie Yue," he stuttered, unable to meet her eyes. "See, I'm kind of already taken. And I've also still got some emotional baggage left over from when I knew Animated Yue back in Season One, so I just really don't think that's a good idea. Nothing personal. Sorry."

"Oh," Yue sighed in disappointment, her eyes dropping dejectedly to the snow at their feet. She glanced again at the scowling and pouting Sockson, pursed her lips in thought for a moment, then exhaled heavily in bitter defeat. "Well... _fine_. Come on, then, Sohka – "

"Actually, we've been pronouncing it _Sockson_," Aang interjected helpfully. "It's just easier that way."

"All right, then, _Sockson_," Yue corrected herself, slipping her arm reluctantly through the crook of the live-action boy's elbow. "I guess you're my guard now."

"_Yes_!" Sockson grinned, smirking at Sokka in smug triumph.

"We've only got one scene to convince the audience that we're in love," Yue informed him matter-of-factly. "So _try _to make it good. Let's take a walk out to the wall."

"Okay," Sockson stammered stiffly, smiling at her very awkwardly and folding his arms tightly behind his back. The two of them strolled past the Animated Characters, on their way out into the city.

"Shall we see what the ocean is doing today?" Yue suggested to Sockson, taking on a gently cheerful air - clearly putting effort into saying her lines and staying in character as well as she could manage.

But Sokka chuckled as they passed by him – he couldn't help it. "Well, not to ruin you guys' date, but the ocean is probably doing the same things it does every day," he commented sarcastically. "You know – making waves. Being wet. But if it starts tap-dancing or reciting poetry, you let us know!"

Movie Yue turned back around, narrowing her eyes wearily at him for a moment.

"Look, Cartoon Guy," she sighed irritably, not bothering to stay in character anymore. "I didn't write the lines. I just say them. Okay?... Come on, Sockson, let's go. I'll take you up to the outer wall and do my best to explain my entire back-story to you in the most romantic way I possibly can. It probably won't be romantic at all – in fact, it'll probably just come off as unnatural and totally contrived, because that's _exactly _what it is. But I've got to try, at least."

And with that, the live-action Princess departed with the stilted, unattached Sockson in tow.

Aang chuckled softly. "I like her," he stated. "We ought to give her a part in our next animated series!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Z-Patel's ship had anchored in a sheltered harbor encircled by sheer, icy cliffs. The Northern Water Tribe city lay just on the other side of those cliffs – but Eeroh had wisely decided that, even in an illogical fanfic, it would have made no sense at all for them to try to sail right into the city. So Iroh, Eeroh, Z-Patel, Zuko and Mai were all set to disembark in this secret harbor, and sneak their way into the city from there.

"So, we're parking the ship in these cliffs, and are just going to walk into the city?" Mai commented dryly to Iroh, as the ship's engines creaked to a loud halt several decks below them. "Well, _that_ makes tons of sense. I like how this is nothing like what actually happened in the movie _or _in the show."

Iroh just shrugged, playing with the ends of his dreadlocks. "I have a suspicion that the author of this fanfic is simply lazy, and doesn't care how we get into the city. Just that we get there somehow."

"Well, we're ready to go," Z-Patel declared, approaching Mai and Iroh with his live-action uncle close behind him.

"Where's Zuko?" Mai asked, frowning with concern.

"I thought he was with you?" Z-Patel said, also furrowing his own brow.

"I haven't seen him since earlier this afternoon," Mai shook her head worriedly. "He said he was going to find you. He wanted to talk to you about something."

"Oh," Z-Patel's eyes shifted nervously. "Right. Uh… He was asking me about the animated series. I didn't really feel like explaining it all to him, so I… I lent him my iPad to let him just watch it for himself."

"You _WHAT_?" Mai cried in alarm.

"Uh oh," Iroh murmured, his eyes growing wide.

"You let him get on the _internet_?" Mai exclaimed. "Great! Just _great_!"

"You'd better go find him quickly, Mai," Iroh urged her. "Who knows what he might have seen?"

But Mai was already taking off, sprinting back into the inner corridors of the metallic ship. She sped through the labyrinthine hallways, casting desperate glances into each room she passed. At last, she found Zuko – in an isolated room near the stern of the ship. He was huddled in a corner, his eyes glued to Z-Patel's iPad. He looked pallid and unsettled.

"Zuko!" Mai shouted, marching quickly toward him.

His amber eyes tore themselves away from the small screen, moving sluggishly upward toward her – empty, lost, wandering in a nightmare.

"Mai," he whispered hoarsely.

She hastily snatched the iPad away from him. "Are you all right, Zuko?"

He rubbed his eyes for a moment, returning from his momentary daze. "Mai – I _saw _things... I - I _read _things…"

"I know, Zuko," she sighed, helping him to his feet. "I know."

"Have you seen it?"

"The internet? Yes, Zuko. I know all about it. Now, come on, it's time for us to go."

"The things I _saw_," he murmured, rubbing his eyes yet again and allowing her to lead him out of the room. She carefully tucked Z-Patel's iPad into her wide sleeve.

"You should probably stay away from the fanfiction," she advised him carefully. "I would have warned you before, but – "

"It's everywhere!"

"I know, Zuko."

"_Zutara_, Mai! Did you know? Did you know about _Zutara_?"

Mai sighed heavily. "Yes, Zuko. I've known about Zutara for a while. It's best just to ignore it, trust me. Hey, look on the bright side – at least hardly anyone ever tries to kill you off or turn you into an emotionless witch, right?"

Zuko leaned heavily on her arm as they walked. "I'm tired," he sighed.

"It's okay," she said soothingly, practically carrying him down the corridor. "It's going to be all right, Zuko. You'll get through this."

But Zuko was staring intently at her sleeve suddenly – the sleeve where she'd tucked away the iPad. She watched him curiously for a moment, scrutinizing him with careful concern.

"Zuko?"

"Huh?"

"You can't have it back yet."

"What? Oh… Okay."

"Maybe later," she conceded after a moment. "But not yet. I don't want you to get addicted to that stuff. And you've got to promise me to stay away from the fanfiction. Okay?"

"All right, Mai," Zuko exhaled heavily, shaking himself. "It's just so much, all at once."

"I know. It can be a little overwhelming."

"Hey," he suddenly began, wrinkling his eyebrows, "I was wondering something…"

"What is it?"

"Well, if we're in a fanfiction, then… Then are we _really _in control of ourselves? Or are we just doing and saying whatever the author makes us say?"

"Zuko." Mai rubbed her forehead, already feeling a headache coming on. "Don't go there. Just trust me on that one."

"But, really, think about it," Zuko went on, engrossed in his own train of thought. "It's like... It's like we don't have any free will at all. Or do we? Like right now – am I actually thinking about all this? Or am I just saying it because the person writing this story is _making _me say it? And could we break the rules? What _are _the rules, anyway? I mean - can I ever say something the author doesn't make me say?"

"No, Zuko," Mai sighed. "You can't. If the author doesn't type it, then you don't say it."

"What if I said something crazy – something I'd never normally say – like, uh…" Zuko pondered for a minute, then burst out: "RABID PICKLED PONY EGGS IN A BUCKET!"

Mai stared blankly at him for a moment. "That was the strangest thing I've ever heard," she declared. "And no – the author just wrote that you said it. Doesn't work."

Zuko frowned, growing a little angry at the whole thing. "Well, what if I said – "

"Nope," Mai shook her head. "If you say it, then it's in the story, which means the author of the story wrote you saying it. You don't have a choice."

"Well, what if I just don't say anything?" Zuko demanded fiercely.

"Then the author will write that you don't say anything." Mai sighed again, for at least the fourth time in the past five minutes. "I told you not to get into this, Zuko. This is just a recipe for a deep philosophical quandary that you're never going to figure out. You've got to stop overanalyzing."

Zuko seemed alarmed. Mai worried for a moment that he was going to have a panic attack, or do something foolish. But he managed to stay collected for the time being, and at last just tore his fingers through his long hair in exasperation.

"Well, if this is all just fanfiction," he began again, breathing deeply, "then can't we just skip to the end of this chapter and meet up with the other characters, without any real explanation of how we got there?"

"Yes, we can," Mai nodded, leading him out into the chilly open air of the ship's deck, where Iroh, Eeroh, and Z-Patel were still waiting for them. "In fact," she went on. "We're about to do that in just a second."

"We are?" he asked.

"Yep," she smiled quietly at him. "Look down."

"Down where?"

"Down the page. There, just a few lines down in the text of this story. You see that little bar that goes across the page?"

"Oh, yeah," Zuko nodded. "The one right below where you say, 'I guess I'm just a natural'?"

"Well, that's the next break in the chapter," Mai explained. "After that, the story will probably go back and describe whatever the other characters are doing right now, and next time all of us show up in the story, we'll have mysteriously appeared conveniently right where we want to be."

"Wow," Zuko breathed, truly amazed. "Really?"

"Really."

"Oy vé!" Eeroh grimaced suddenly, pressing his eyelids. "What did you just _do_? You just acknowledged the text of the story, and the little bar that breaks up the sections of the chapter? How is that possible? That even confused _me_!"

"Mai," Iroh said solemnly, bowing his head rather reverently to the animated girl. "I must congratulate you. I think that was perhaps the most thorough and bewildering breaking of the fourth wall I have ever seen in all my many years as a fictional character."

"Thanks," Mai shrugged modestly, smiling subtly. "I guess I'm just a natural."

* * *

The black snow began to fall in the citadel soon afterward. Everyone knew what it meant: the Fire Nation's armada would soon be arriving. The Siege of the North was about to begin.

Aang, strolling through the city's streets alongside Katara, glanced upward as the first sooty flurries began to drift down from the clouds.

"Look!" he cried, pointing. "The black snow."

Katara turned her blue-eyed gaze upward, towards the smoke-tinted clouds that billowed above the pale white city. "Wow," she sighed. "Already. It seemed like it took us so long to get to this part of the story in the show."

"That's because we had twenty episodes to do it," Aang said. "These people only had a little over an hour."

"Crazy," Katara shook her head. "I guess that means the fanfic really _is _almost over."

"Yeah," Aang muttered, his thoughts drifting elsewhere. "Awng's going to have to face Lord Shyamalan soon. Maybe even in the next chapter."

"You think so?" Katara asked.

"Or the one after it," Aang shrugged. "I guess that depends on how much the fanfic author tries to squeeze into the next chapter."

Katara sighed heavily. "Aang," she began, hesitant to shatter his innocent optimism. "Are you really sure that Awng can defeat Lord Shyamalan? He still seems so… oh, what's the word?... _flat_. I mean, I know he's had a small breakthrough, with the penguin sledding and everything, but – do you really think it's enough? What if…"

Aang gazed intently at her, his gray eyes solemn.

"What if he fails?" she finished at last, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

"I know it's risky," Aang replied after a moment. "But he's our only chance."

"Why don't _you _just do it, instead?" Katara suggested, smiling with faint hope.

But Aang shook his head. "I can't, Katara," he answered. "This is the Movie World, and Awng is the Avatar here. He's the one who's got to do it."

Katara's gaze drifted gravely to the snowy ground.

Aang grinned at her. "Don't worry," he said, hoping to reassure her. "You haven't seen how much of a breakthrough he's really had. I mean, he _knows_ the movie is bad. He realized it on his own. And he's starting to question things, and think for himself. He may not be as ready as we'd like him to be, but I think he's almost ready enough."

Katara studied him for a moment, her mouth slowly growing into a small smile. "Sort of like you, right?" she said. "I mean, you weren't really ready to face the Fire Lord at the end of Season Three. But you did it anyway, and you won."

Aang's thoughts began suddenly to wander again. An interesting thought had just occurred to him.

"Yeah," he muttered after a moment, his eyes alight. "Just like in the finale… hm…"

"I just gave you an idea, didn't I?" she asked, grinning.

"Yep!" Aang replied, beaming brightly at her. "I've got to go find Awng before the next chapter starts. I'll see you later, okay, Katara?"

"Sure," she nodded, squeezing him in a quick hug. "Good luck with… whatever it is. I hope you're right about Awng. Oh – and stay away from Katarola, would you?"

Aang shuddered slightly. "No problem," he said, and took off down the snowy street in a burst of air. Pale white flurries scattered in his wake, and the Movie Extras all gasped and stared after him as he rushed by. Katara smiled softly for a moment, then grimly glanced back up at the sooty black clouds. There wasn't much time left. She could only pray that Aang knew what he was doing.

Aang found Awng in a wide open, empty square of the citadel, practicing dance movements with Katarola. He darted quickly forward and snatched Awng by the arm.

"Hey!" he cried, slightly breathless from the run. "Come with me. We've got to talk about something."

"Right now?" Awng asked, glancing aside towards Katarola, who was gaping at the two of them with wide, bewildered eyes.

"_Yes_, right now!" Aang demanded impatiently. "We don't have much time. The chapter's almost over, and the black snow is falling, which means the Siege is about to start. There's a good possibility you're going to have to face Lord Shyamalan sometime in the next chapter or the one after it. I've got to make sure you're ready. Now, _come on_!"

Without waiting to hear any more protests – and hoping to get quickly away from Katarola, who still made him extremely uncomfortable – Aang dragged the flustered live-action Airbender away from the empty square and off to a nearby courtyard. The place was conveniently isolated, away from any curious Movie Extras who might overhear them. Aang stepped away from Awng and faced him, breathing steadily and solemnly.

"Awng," he began. The unusually grave tone in his voice commanded Awng to listen carefully. "I know you don't think you're ready to face Lord Shyamalan. You haven't had much time to prepare for this, but the movie is almost over. It's almost time for you to face your destiny."

Awng's eyes fell to the ground, and his mouth quivered anxiously. "I don't know if I can do it," he confessed.

"You _will_ be able to do it," Aang asserted confidently. "Because I'm about to teach you something that's going to help you."

Awng looked up at him curiously. "What is it?"

Aang paused for a moment, for dramatic effect. "Energybending," he announced at last.

"What's that?" Awng made his Scrunched-up Face.

"It's an ancient and sacred skill that only I know," Aang explained. "People in the Animated Universe lost the knowledge long ago. But I learned it in the finale of the show, right before I faced the Fire Lord at the end of Season Three."

"But - wait - if people lost the knowledge," Awng asked, frowning in bewilderment, "then how did _you_ learn it?"

"I learned it from a giant Lion Turtle," Aang said quickly, waving his hands dismissively. "But that's not important right now. What _is_ important is that it's your only hope for non-violently defeating Lord Shyamalan. That's why I'm going to teach it to you."

Awng blinked. "It's non-violent?"

Aang nodded.

"Oh." For some unexpected reason, the live-action Airbender actually sounded slightly disappointed. "Okay. But, then - I mean - what does it _do_?"

"Well," Aang said slowly, "_I _used it to take away the Fire Lord's Firebending."

"But Lord Shyamalan's not a Firebender," Awng pointed out, scrunching his face yet again. "He's not any kind of Bender. At least... I'm pretty sure he's not. So what would it do to him?"

"I don't really know for sure," Aang admitted. "But it definitely can't hurt for you to know it. In fact, I'm not sure you'll be able to defeat Lord Shyamalan without it."

"Well," Awng stuttered, blinking rapidly. "If you say so."

"But remember, Awng, even still," Aang cautioned him sternly, "you should only use it as a last resort in the battle. To bend another's energy, your own will must be stronger than his. Otherwise you'll be corrupted and destroyed."

"Destroyed?" Awng's voice suddenly quivered nervously.

"_Destroyed_."

Awng gulped. "I don't know, Aang," he stammered. "This sounds unnecessarily dangerous. I mean, he's just a movie director. Right?"

Aang scrutinized the frightened live-action boy for a moment, then exhaled slowly, closing his eyes in pensive silence. "Drastic times call for drastic measures, my friend," he replied at last. "Lord Shyamalan may be just a misguided movie director, but he must be stopped. Now, no more questions. This chapter's going to end in just a second, and I've got to teach you Energybending sometime between the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next one. Trust me, Awng - it's the only chance you've got!"

* * *

**Ooh, so exciting. Stay tuned for the epic finale! :D**


	9. Part Nine: Besieged in a Siege

**Hullo, hullo! So, yeah, hope no one is too disappointed by this, but the big showdown with Lord Shyamalan is actually not going to happen in this chapter. There was a lot to make fun of, and it started to get awfully long... But next chapter, I promise!**

**In the meantime, enjoy this bit of nonsense before the grand finale. :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything that goes by the title of "Last Airbender." I have no power. Except the power of SATIRE!**

* * *

**PART NINE**

**"In Which the North is Besieged in a Siege… Siege-ishly**"

…

On a marble balcony that overlooked the city, the group of protagonists – Aang, Awng, Katara, Katarola, Sokka, Sockson, Suki, and Movie Yue – gazed pensively out into the distance, where the Fire Nation armada sat, billowing sinister smoke into the sky. No one spoke for a long time, each lost in his or her own thoughts about the impending battle scene and Awng's showdown with Lord Shyamalan. Aang and Awng felt especially solemn. Awng now knew the secrets of Energybending, and he felt the heavy responsibility of his destiny settling upon him. Aang sighed deeply; he'd taught the live-action boy everything he could. The rest would be up to him.

Suki sneezed, sniffling miserably. "Well," she broke the silence at last, gesturing towards the black metal ships on the horizon. "It's a pretty cinematic view, isn't it? I mean, you've got to admit that."

"Yue. Awng needs to ask you something," Sockson declared suddenly, looking intensely at Yue. Everyone stared first at Sockson, then at Awng.

"I do?" Awng stuttered, blinking at Sockson.

"Yes!" Sockson insisted. "_Remember_?"

"Did you forget your lines, Awng?" Yue asked, with a sympathetic smile. "Remember, this is the part where you're supposed to ask me if there's a spiritual place to meditate? So you can learn how you're going to defeat the Fire Nation?"

"Oh… right," Awng blinked for a moment. "I kinda forgot about that… Um, well, see – the thing is, uh… I'm not sure I'm going to have time to defeat the Fire Nation, guys."

"But they're about to invade!" Katarola gasped, her lips trembling desperately. "What are we supposed to do, Awng? You have to save us!"

"It'll be taken care of, don't worry," Aang spoke up reassuringly. "Awng just has more important things to do at the moment."

Awng nodded, blinking desperately at Movie Yue and Katarola. Katarola seemed distressed, but not much more than she usually was. Yue just appeared to be perplexed for a moment – but at last she shrugged indifferently.

"Whatever," the live-action princess said. "You guys just do what you want, then. Makes no difference to me."

"Although," Aang glanced at Awng thoughtfully, "maybe meditating isn't such a bad idea?"

"You think?" Awng asked.

"Yeah," Aang nodded. "I can't think of any other plot device the fanfic author might use to get you to meet Lord Shyamalan… Maybe you should give it a try?"

"Okay," Awng agreed, turning back to Yue. "In that case… is there a spiritual place where I can meditate?"

"There is a very spiritual place," Yue replied, nodding. "The city was built around this place."

"Hm, a _place_ built around a _place_?" Sokka smirked eagerly, always happy for an opportunity to make fun of the dialogue. "Sounds familiar, but I can't quite _place _it. By the way, is there any _place_ around this _place_ where a guy can get something to eat?"

Yue glared wearily at him for a moment. "I can _really_ do without the sarcastic comments, if you don't mind," she sighed. "And there's a seal jerky stand down the street, over that way."

"Thanks a bunch," Sokka grinned. "I'm starving!"

Yue rolled her eyes slightly and turned back to Awng, resuming her dialogue. "We have to hurry," she said. "Come with me!"

She departed from the marble balcony, vanishing through the narrow doorway behind them. Awng trotted hastily after her, followed by Katarola and Sockson. Aang, meanwhile, glanced at Katara.

"I guess maybe I should go with them," Aang said. "For now, at least. I want to make sure Awng is okay. We can deal with the Fire Nation later."

"I'll come too," Katara nodded. The two of them took off after the group of Movie Characters.

Sokka was about to leave as well, to go find himself some of that seal jerky, but hesitated when Suki sneezed loudly beside him. The Kyoshi Warrior shivered, wiping her nose miserably. Sokka put his arm quickly around her.

"You feeling okay, Suki?" he asked.

She turned her tired eyes toward him, smiling feebly.

"I'm, uh – AH-CHOO!" she sneezed violently yet again.

"You should probably get inside," Sokka suggested. He was still feeling a little sniffly himself, but that didn't matter. "The big battle scene's gonna be starting soon."

"I'm fine," Suki insisted, rolling her eyes slightly at him. "Don't worry about me, Sokka. You _know _I can take care of myself. It's just a little cold, anyway – And besides, you need to worry about taking care of yourself. I know you're coming down with it, too."

"Meh, it's no big deal," Sokka shrugged, avoiding the urge to wipe his clogged-up nose on his sleeve. "I'll make it through. Besides, I'm pretty sure _someone_ around here _gave _it to me, and that mysterious _someone_ should probably apologize for making me sick… Now, who could that be? Hm?" He leaned down close to her, narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously.

Suki smirked, pushing his face away. "Yeah, sorry about that," she sniffled, and laughed lightly. "You know, I was thinking, maybe you were right before."

"Well, I'm _usually_ right, so I wouldn't be surprised," Sokka grinned smugly for a moment. "What was I right about this time?"

"About what you said in chapter seven, that the movie is so bad that it made me sick," Suki laughed again, shaking her head wearily. "You know, when you said it before, I didn't think that it was possible. But now I've begun to see that maybe that possibility is not impossible, after all."

Sokka frowned suddenly, glancing sidelong at his sick girlfriend. Suki herself furrowed her brow, as if slightly bewildered by the words that had just come out of her mouth.

"_What_?" Sokka asked flatly after a long beat.

Suki blinked at him. "Uh… I just meant that… the possibility of getting sick from a movie's badness seemed nonsensical to me before, but now the sensibility of it begins to make sense to me."

Sokka gaped at her, growing more alarmed. Suki, too, appeared startled and deeply confused – she put her hand to her head and grimaced at the awkwardness of her own words.

"Suki!" Sokka cried. "Why are you talking like that? What's with the repeating the same words over and over in the same sentence?"

"I… I don't know," she stammered, flushing slightly. "I couldn't help it!" Sneezing again, she sniffed and mumbled, "The words just came out that way in my sentences of words – "

Catching herself doing it again, Suki quickly covered her own mouth to stop the stumbling flow of unnatural, redundant dialogue.

"Oh, no!" Sokka gasped, his eyes growing wide with concern. "Suki! The bad dialogue! What if – _what if it's contagious_? And _you _caught it!"

"You mean – " Suki said, speaking hesitantly, "you mean this isn't just a cold? I somehow caught some kind of Bad Dialogue Flu?"

"Exactly!" Sokka cried. "We must have been in the Movie World for too long. It's starting to rub off on us!"

"Oh, no! But – now _you're_ getting sick, too, Sokka!" Suki pointed out, looking at him nervously. "I accidentally gave you the sickness with which I'm now ailing – Ahh! – " Hastily, she covered her own mouth again.

Sokka nodded grimly, willing himself to stay calm. "We'll just have to fight it," he asserted firmly. "Looks like I haven't started showing any serious symptoms yet, but – well, hopefully we can hold out until the end of the fanfic!"

"Will our normal way of speaking return when we return to the Animated World?" she asked frantically.

"I sure hope so," Sokka said. "Though… if Awng doesn't defeat Lord Shyamalan – "

"What then?" Suki cried.

Sokka shook his head quickly. "No – we can't think about that. Awng _has _to defeat Lord Shyamalan. He's got to defeat him and put a stop to his bad writing. It may be our only hope!"

* * *

Movie Yue led the group of protagonists deep into the heart of the city, to the mouth of a small cavern with two small fish statues on either side of it. Passing through the entrance of this cavern, they found themselves in a warm, humid enclosure. Lush grass covered the path that ran between two glistening bluish-green ponds, and a small tree blossoming with pink flowers arched over the misty water. Just as Aang and Katara had expected, in the heart of one of the ponds there swam two small shimmering Koi fish – one white, one black – circling round one another.

Awng stepped forward, staring solemnly at the scene. He was trying very hard to be solemn, at least – and dramatic. However, his eyes were still rather blank and his mouth still dangled open in a puzzled, emotionless expression. He kept his back to the others, not turning to look at them even when he began to speak.

"To get your Airbending tattoos," he said, although no one had asked, "you have to meditate… for long periods of time… without losing focus… Some of the great monks… can meditate… for four days."

"Uh, is he talking to us?" Katara whispered to Aang, baffled. "Why isn't he looking at us?"

Aang rubbed his forehead, sighing heavily. "_Awng_!" Aang said sternly, stepping forward and turning the live-action Airbender around by his shoulders. "Come on – I thought we were making progress here! No more reciting pointless dialogue, okay? You can't hope to defeat Lord Shyamalan if you just keep following his script."

"Oh," Awng blinked at him, shaking himself suddenly. "Sorry. I… I don't know what came over me there. I'm sorry. I'm better now."

"Good," Aang sighed again. He felt tired. "Now, better sit down and get started, huh?"

Awng nodded, his mouth quivering nervously. Seating himself on the ground beside the misty pond with the circling Koi fish, the live-action Airbender crossed his legs and folded his fingers together, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Well, I guess the big battle scene will be starting pretty soon," Yue said matter-of-factly. "Is he going to be okay here?"

"Sure, we'll keep an eye on him," Aang nodded.

"Wait – _you _will?" Katarola protested, blinking her teary eyes at Aang. "But – but _I'm_ supposed to guard him! By myself!"

"Ha! _No way_, Cupcake!" Katara glowered fiercely at the live-action girl. "There's no way you can protect him by yourself! You haven't even done any real fighting for this entire movie! And we all know that this is about the part in the story where Movie Zuko's going to show up and try to capture him. But we can't afford to have him kidnapped right now. So _we're _going to stay here and watch him. Okay?"

"But – but – _this isn't how it's supposed to go_!" Katarola insisted, shaking her head fiercely, her eyes glistening with angry tears.

"Oh, get a grip, will you?" Katara growled. "Look – I know in the script it says you're supposed to fight Movie Zuko and lose, and Awng's supposed to get captured. But right now he's got to defeat Lord Shyamalan – we don't have time to follow the script."

"_This_ _isn't the way it's supposed to happen_!" Katarola repeated herself, with extra angry tears and a little stomp of her foot.

"Guys, sh!" Aang said in a hush. "This isn't a good time to argue! Seriously – didn't you hear what Awng said? He needs to _focus_. It's kinda hard to focus with two girls standing around yelling at each other! Katarola, if you're just going to fight with Katara, then maybe you should leave."

"But I – no! – I _can't _leave!" Katarola frowned deeply, clearly becoming very irritated and unsettled at the way this scene was turning out. "What would I do if I left? I'm supposed to stay and watch him!"

Aang shrugged, not in the mood to deal with this. "I dunno. You could go join in on the big battle scene outside. Sokka and Suki will probably be up on the outer wall with all the soldiers when the battle starts, if you want to go help them out instead?"

"_No_!" Katarola declared, stomping her feet firmly again, crossing her arms, and pouting. "I'm staying _here_!"

Katara sighed wearily, massaging her forehead. "Really? You pick _now _to grow a backbone? Figures."

Aang sighed as well – he would have preferred Katarola to be somewhere far away from him, after his awkward incident with her back in chapter seven. But at least Katara was there with him, too – nothing too unpleasant could happen.

"Oh, _fine_," Aang conceded at last. "But you've got to be quiet and let him concentrate. Okay?"

Katarola instantly perked up, smiling and nodding fervently.

"Well," Movie Yue said, obviously pretty bored with the entire thing. "I guess I have to get back to… wherever I'm supposed to be now."

"I'll take you," Sockson declared quickly, standing extremely close to her.

Yue shifted a small space away from him, eyeing him uncomfortably. "Look, do you mind?" she frowned. "I know I'm supposed to be in love with you or whatever, but I _really _need my personal space, okay? You see this area here? This is _my_ bubble. You stay _there_, on the outside of it, and don't pop it. Got it? Great… Anyway, I guess we'll be back a few scenes later, everyone. Let us know when Movie Zhao shows up, okay?"

"No problem," Katara nodded.

Awng sat silently through this conversation, his eyes closed tightly, deep in his meditation. Aang sat down on the soft grass a little distance behind him, and Katara came and took a seat beside Aang. Katarola stood off in the background, staring at Awng with trembling lips and weepy eyes.

Aang and Katara watched intently as Awng meditated for a little while. At last, Katara whispered, softly enough to not distract the live-action Airbender, "Is it working? He doesn't look like he's going anywhere."

Aang just shrugged, puzzled. "Maybe we should just give it a few more minutes? I guess if nothing happens, we'll have to try something else."

Meanwhile, Katarola was stepping slowly closer to Awng, eyes brimming with uncontrollable emotions.

"Awng?" she spoke up suddenly. "Awng, can you hear me?"

"Hey! _Shh_!" Aang shushed her with a finger over his mouth. "Don't _talk to him!_ He needs to concentrate! Weren't you paying attention at all?"

"But – " Katarola stammered, blinking at Aang. "But – I have to tell him something! It's really important!"

"It can wait," Aang said impatiently.

"No, I have to say it _now_!" the live-action girl insisted.

"_Why_?" Katara demanded irritably. "What could possibly be so important you've got to tell him _right now_?"

"Ugh!" Aang growled quietly, pressing his eyelids in annoyance. "For goodness' sake, Katarola! Fine, look – just say it and get it out of your system! Geesh."

"Okay," Katarola nodded, approaching the meditating Awng from behind once more. She batted her weepy eyes several times, and choked on her own intense feelings. "Awng," she breathed dramatically. Hesitated dramatically. Blinked dramatically. Then, finally, she gasped out her extremely important statement:

"_I knew you were real... I always knew you'd return!_"

Aang and Katara gaped at her for a moment, and simultaneously buried their faces in their hands with agitated groans. Awng himself suddenly opened his eyes, turned around, and stared at her as well – even he was frowning and furrowing his brow.

"What? That's it?" he asked, bewildered. "That was all you wanted to say?"

"Great! Now look what you did," Aang glared at Katarola. "You threw off his concentration for a line of dialogue that was _completely pointless_!"

Katarola, however, ignored both of the Airbenders. In fact, she seemed to suddenly be unaware that anyone at all was talking to her. Instead, she was turning in circles, looking around the small cavern expectantly, her brow furrowed in bewilderment.

"Whatcha looking for, Cupcake?" Katara asked.

But Katarola ignored her as well. After a moment, the live-action girl frowned and simply repeated her last line of pointless dialogue – louder this time. "I said, '_I always knew you'd return!_'"

Suddenly, from somewhere in the cavern behind them, a soft, deep voice spoke up: "Oh – right… Uh, _me too_!"

And with that, Z-Patel stepped dramatically forward from the shadows, carrying a torch in his hand and looking severe and villainous.

Aang and Katara glanced at one another, rolled their eyes, and sighed in unison.

"Really, Cupcake?" Katara growled, squeezing her forehead with irritation. "The whole reason you wanted to say that line so bad was _just_ so that Movie Zuko could make his dramatic entrance? _Really_?"

"Where did you come from, anyway?" Aang asked Z-Patel.

Z-Patel looked around for a moment, and shrugged. "I dunno, actually," he replied. "We were all hanging out on my ship in the last chapter, and we got to a section break. Next thing I knew I was here… I guess the fanfic author just didn't want to bother describing how I got here. But, you know – the show must go on, right?"

"_Exactly_!" Katarola cried, smiling. "Finally, someone else who understands!"

"So, yeah, anyway," Z-Patel went on half-heartedly. "I'm here to capture the Avatar, and stuff."

"Wait – I'm not ready to be captured!" Awng protested, blinking anxiously. "I wasn't done meditating!"

Z-Patel shrugged again. "Not my problem."

"Hold on a second – where's Animated Zuko?" Aang asked curiously. "Wasn't he with you?"

Before Z-Patel had a chance to reply, however, Aang's question was answered. From somewhere behind Z-Patel – apparently through some mysterious side entrance in the cave that none of the other characters had noticed up until that moment – the rest of the B-plot characters appeared. Eeroh and Iroh came first, blithely admiring the scenery. Eeroh was chuckling lightly, and Iroh seemed to be in the middle of telling him a joke.

"… And then he said, '_Leaf_ me alone! I'm _bushed_!'" Iroh concluded, laughing heartily.

Eeroh laughed as well, wiping a small tear away from his eye. "Oh, my," Eeroh sighed. "That's a good one."

Mai came next in the procession, yawning, with Zuko close behind her. Zuko himself was engrossed once more in Z-Patel's iPad, which apparently Mai had conceded to return to him.

"Oh," Aang said, surprised to see them all. But not _very_ surprised. "Hey, everyone – _ach_!" Suddenly, he choked, sputtered. Katara, simultaneously, tipped her head curiously sideways. They'd both noticed the same thing at the same moment.

"_Dreadlocks_?" they both exclaimed, gaping at Iroh.

Iroh, oblivious to their shock at his new hairstyle, waved happily at the young animated characters. "Good to see you, Aang. And Katara! I hope you two have been having as good a time in this fanfic as we have!"

Katara shook herself out of her momentary shock, and grunted. "Well, uh," she replied slowly, "if by 'good' you actually mean a never-ending, horrible bombardment of awkwardness, irritation and boredom, then yes – we've been having a grand old time."

Aang chuckled a little at her, then looked back to Iroh – shaking himself as well. _Dreadlocks_. "Anyway, uh… how did you guys get here? Aren't you two Irohs supposed to be out in the big battle scene?"

Iroh shrugged carelessly. "Who knows?" he replied, laughing. "We're barely even following the plot of the _movie_ anymore!"

"And – uh – I see that you… you got _dreadlocks_, huh?" Aang added, rather grimly.

Iroh grinned jovially. "Yes! Do you like them?"

Katara and Aang glanced at one another, both grimacing slightly. "Uh," Aang murmured hesitantly, "I guess if _you _like them…"

"Ha ha!" Zuko suddenly burst into loud laughter at something on the iPad. He tapped the screen, and sensational music burst from it for a few seconds. "Mai! This is hilarious! You've got to see this dramatic chipmunk!" he cried.

"I've seen it, Zuko," Mai said in a bored tone. "Everyone's seen the dramatic chipmunk. That's old news."

"Really?" Zuko glanced at her, then looked around at everyone else. "You guys have _all _seen the dramatic chipmunk?"

"You mean the YouTube thing?" Katara asked, nodding lazily. "Yep."

"What?" Zuko exclaimed. "How did I miss out on this for so long?"

Aang grinned. "You should look up the sneezing panda. That's my favorite one."

"I like 'Charlie Bit Me' better," Katara added.

"Hey," Aang cocked his eyebrows at Zuko curiously. "Since when did _you _find out about the internet, Zuko?"

"Oh, he knows all about the internet now," Mai explained. "And the animated series, the fanfiction, the shipping, _and_ the fourth wall. Yep. See, this bonehead over here – " gesturing to Z-Patel, "accidentally spilled the beans to him back in chapter six. Zuko freaked out a little, but he's doing okay now."

"Oh, well, that's good," Katara commented. "Nice to see you, by the way, Mai. I thought you didn't want to be in this fanfic?"

"I didn't," Mai sighed. "But Zuko got a hold of some cactus juice in chapter six, and well – I didn't have much of a choice. He wasn't exactly in a _secure_ state of mind, if you know what I mean."

"Ooh, _cactus juice_?" Katara winced, recalling Sokka's infamous run-in with cactus juice back in Season Two, and nodding sympathetically. "I know _exactly _what you mean."

"Hey!" Z-Patel interrupted impatiently. "Yeah, if you guys are all done chit-chatting, I'd like to get on with the scene. I'm getting tired of this movie, and I'd like to get it over with pretty soon."

Katarola nodded fervently. "Me too!"

"Okay, then," Z-Patel nodded, igniting the grass around his feet with the torch. "Here we go!"

He launched a stream of fire at Katarola, who took a protective stance in front of Awng (while Awng screamed and rolled into a frightened ball on the ground).

Meanwhile, Katara, with barely a second to realize that Z-Patel was suddenly attacking, leaped to her feet in an instant, ready to block his fire. Knowing Katarola's fighting technique, Katara expected that the live-action girl would surely be burned to a crisp before she'd even managed to do one mystical twirl with her arms.

But, somehow, before Katara even had a moment to blink, Katarola expertly swept a stream of water up from the pond and doused Z-Patel's fiery attack.

Silence. Everyone gaped at Katarola, astonished.

"Wait a second!" Katara cried suddenly, actually growing angry. "How did you do _that_, Cupcake? You haven't done any Waterbending even remotely _close _to something like that for the entire movie! And now suddenly you know how to do it? What's the deal?"

Katarola just shrugged, blinking distantly at Katara and not replying.

Awng, meanwhile, was scrambling to his feet and darting frantically toward the entrance of the cavern.

"Awng!" Aang shouted, springing up and gliding quickly after him on a current of air.

"The Avatars are getting away!" Z-Patel bellowed, taking off after Awng. However, before he'd taken two steps, Animated Katara swept up a deluge of water and froze him quickly in a solid block of ice, leaving only his face exposed. "Hey!" Z-Patel protested, scowling. "That's not fair! I'm not supposed to be frozen yet! That happens later!"

"And _I'm _supposed to do that, anyway! Not _you_!" Katarola scowled as well, tapping her feet impatiently at Katara.

Katara shrugged. "You gotta be quicker next time," she smirked complacently.

Meanwhile, as Awng was making a break for the cavern exit, Aang caught the live-action Airbender by the shoulders and pulled him forcefully back. "Awng!" Aang cried. "What are you doing?"

"Running away," Awng replied factually, gawking at him in confusion.

"_Why_?" Aang demanded, quickly losing his patience.

"Um…" Awng mumbled, shifting his feet for a moment. "Well, Movie Zuko's after me. That's what I do – I run away from him. What else can I do?"

"_Awng_! You're the _Avatar_!" Aang shouted, knocking the boy on the head with his knuckle. "How many times do I need to remind you? You don't need to run away! You're supposed to be the most powerful person in the world! If you run away from him, people will just think you're a scared little wimp who can't do anything!"

"Oh, yeah," Awng murmured ashamedly. "I didn't think about it like that."

"Whoa, whoa – everyone, hold on a second!" Zuko shouted suddenly, staring at Z-Patel's iPad with wide eyes. "You're not going to believe this! I just found our story on FanFiction. net!"

"Zuko!" Mai scolded him. "What did I tell you about staying away from the fanfiction?"

Zuko frowned stubbornly at her, making sure to hold the iPad out of her reach. "Hey, come on, Mai!" he protested. "This isn't a crazy Zutara fic or anything – it's the story we're in _right now_. It can't hurt just to look, right? Besides, you've got to admit you're curious, aren't you?"

"It might not be the best idea to read the story while we're in it, Zuko," Katara said nervously. "Especially the parts that haven't happened yet."

"What's the big deal?" Zuko argued. Mai attempted to snatch the iPad out of his hands, but he held it in the air, just out of her reach, and pushed her away with his other hand. Mai wrestled with him for a few moments, attempting to claw and strain for the dangerous iPad, but it was no use – she was strong, but of course he was much stronger.

"I should _never_ have given that thing back to you!" she growled.

"Um," Katarola interrupted, looking more impatient and irritated than she'd ever yet been. "Hello? We're _trying_ to have an exciting fight scene, here!"

Zuko, still holding the iPad out of Mai's reach, glanced upward at the screen. "Relax – this thing says we're about to have a section break pretty soon. Oh, and Toph's gonna show up in just a second."

"Zuko, _stop_!" Mai demanded, blowing at her bangs in frustration. "We're not supposed to know what's going to happen!"

"Hey, guys!" came a young, female voice from the entrance to the cave. "What's up?"

Everyone looked toward the source of the voice. Of course, it was Toph; she came waltzing casually into the cave with a mug full of some kind of foamy drink in her hand, sipping it happily through a straw.

"Toph!" Aang cried. "How'd _you _get here?"

Toph just shrugged. "No idea, Twinkle Toes," she replied nonchalantly, sipping her drink. "Told you the fanfic author would just bring me back whenever she felt like it. I guess we must be getting close to the end of the movie now, huh?"

Awng closed his eyes tightly and held his head between his hands for a moment, as if he thought it was going to suddenly float away like a balloon if he didn't anchor it to his shoulders.

"Oohf!" he groaned. "Too much going on! I think my head is going to pop! Are we having a fight scene now? Or should I be meditating? Is Z-Patel going to capture me? Should I fight him or run away? Or am I going to fight Lord Shyamalan? Where is everyone coming from? And how can Zuko be reading the story on the internet _while we're in it_? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Beats me," Toph shrugged again. "I just got here. But it sounds pretty entertaining."

"Hey!" Z-Patel growled. "Someone want to unfreeze me, please? Anyone? Someone whose name begins with a 'K', maybe?"

Zuko, still scanning the fanfic on the iPad's screen, announced: "And… _section break_!"

* * *

It had grown dark outside. Sokka, sniffling and intermittently wiping his nose on his sleeve, stood on the great outer wall of the citadel, one soldier among a long line of nervous-looking Water Tribe boys in armor. They all stood high upon the battlements, clutching their spears, gazing gravely out at the approaching Fire Nation ships.

Movie Pakku appeared on the wall near where Sokka was standing, taking his place among the line of soldiers. Glancing first to one side, then the other, Pakku opened his mouth and, without warning, unleashed an odd howl into the night air:

"**Oo-oo-oo-OO-oo-OO-oo-OOH!"**

Sokka snorted and instantly burst into laughter, while the soldiers on either side of him - all deathly serious - began tapping their spears repetitively on the ground.

"Wait, wait – stop!" Sokka cried after a moment, gaping incredulously at Pakku. "What was _that_? Was that your _battle-cry_? Hold on, guys – all you guys with the spears, hold off with the tapping. You're just going to encourage him."

Movie Pakku frowned at Sokka, bewildered. Most of the soldiers ceased their tapping, also staring at Sokka in confusion.

"Seriously, Pakku?" Sokka said, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows at the old man. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm almost getting _tired _of finding things to make fun of in this movie! I mean, come on! It's a _battle-cry_! Couldn't you have at least got this one thing right? Just _one thing_, in the whole movie? Is that too much to ask? I mean, did you even _hear _yourself? That was just embarrassing! Was that supposed to be _inspiring_?"

"Um…" Pakku stammered, his eyes shifting awkwardly. "Yes?"

Sokka chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head and sniffling. "Yeah." He said, pausing for a long moment. "You might want to think about trying out a different battle-cry. Just a suggestion."

Pakku frowned again, his eyes searching the ground for a moment, then looking back up at Sokka with uncomfortable uncertainty. "… Like what?" he asked finally.

Sokka shrugged and wiped his nose, rolling his eyes. "Hm, I dunno," he said. "Maybe something that sounds a little _less_ like a dying Pig-Walrus?… Or, even better, how about just no battle-cry at all?"

"Well, we've got to have a rousing battle-cry!" Pakku shook his head fervently. "Like in _Lord of the Rings_!"

"Never saw it," Sokka replied.

Pakku seemed flabbergasted. "You've never seen _Lord of the Rings_?" he sputtered.

Sokka just shrugged again. "Don't get into fantasy much," he admitted. "I'm more of a Spaghetti Western type of guy."

A random soldier behind him suddenly gasped. "Spaghetti! Ooh, I love spaghetti!"

Sokka sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "I bet you do," he muttered, then sneezed loudly.

At that moment, a large fireball – launched from the catapult of one of the Fire Nation ships – whizzed over the wall and landed with a crash in the street of the city down below. Movie Extras screamed and fled in terror. Sokka peered over the wall, down into the city, and noticed several metal drills beginning to come up through the icy streets.

"Well, guess the battle's starting now," he said, yawning widely.

Turning back around, he noticed a Fire Nation soldier climbing up the outside of the wall, seated on the back of a large, ferocious-looking reptilian creature. Reacting quickly, with an almost lazy confidence, Sokka reached for his boomerang and flung it at the soldier, hitting him squarely in the head. The boomerang bounced off the soldier's helmet with a loud clang, returning faithfully to Sokka's hand, while the Fire Nation soldier reeled, lost his balance, and went plummeting to the water below.

"Hey, Sokka," came the voice of Movie Yue, coming to stand beside him, followed closely by her stiff shadow – Sockson. "How's it going?"

"Meh, could be better," Sokka shrugged, launching his boomerang expertly at another Fire Nation soldier attempting to scale the walls.

All around them, the battle was beginning in earnest. Fire Nation soldiers were surging up into the city streets down below, coming up through the holes that their metal drills had bored. Waterbenders were - surprisingly - actually _bending_ water, for once, and doing a moderately good job of fighting off the attackers.

"Where's Suki?" Yue asked, completely unconcerned with the battle raging around them.

"I made her stay inside and rest," Sokka replied casually. "She's caught a pretty bad cold, and I didn't want her out here in the battle while she's not feeling good." He himself sneezed loudly as he said this.

Yue glanced at him. "You don't sound too good yourself," she commented.

Sokka shrugged again, sniffling and nailing yet another Fire Nation target in the head with his trusty boomerang. "I'm okay," he said. "But you probably shouldn't be out here, should you? You know – with the battle, and stuff. Did your faithful bodyguard there think it was safe for you to be here?"

Sockson glared fiercely at him. Yue rolled her eyes wearily.

"I didn't ask him," she admitted.

"She's under my protection," Sockson declared sternly. "Nothing will happen to her!"

"Oh, sure, why not?" Sokka smirked. "You seem like you are very capable of safely keeping her in safety – um – agh!" Sokka suddenly rubbed his eyes and shook his head, blinking. "That was weird," he commented.

"Are you okay, Sokka?" Yue asked, her blue eyes glistening with concern.

"I just felt a strange feeling just now," he frowned, then sputtered and waggled his tongue, as if to shake away the redundant words spilling from his mouth.

"You _felt _a _feeling_?" Yue raised her eyebrows at him. "You're not talking like yourself! That sounds like a line you'd make fun of normally!"

Sokka shuddered violently, feeling very unwell. "It's nothing," he tried to reassure her. "I've just got to word my words less wordily when I – ahh! – when I speak the words that are spoken – _argh_! Stop it!" he commanded himself, attempting to glare at his own mouth, which seemed suddenly to be malfunctioning.

Now both Yue and Sockson stared at him, furrowing their brows in confusion. Sokka looked back at them, wide-eyed.

"Oh, no," he gasped. "Now it's happening to me too! I knew this was going to happen – It happened to Suki, and now it's happeni – _ech_! – I've got to, uh – I've got to find the others and tell them what's happening – _Gah_! Quit that!"

"What's wrong, Sokka? What's going on?" Yue asked, bewildered, as Sokka hastily scuttled off down the wall's steps and down to the city street below, where the battle was raging. Yue trotted after him, with Sockson trailing close behind.

"I've caught the Bad Dialogue Flu!" Sokka attempted to explain, shouting over his shoulder as he ran. "I've got to find Aang and Katara! I've got to make sure that Awng defeats Lord Shyamalan! I may be stuck always speaking with this speech forever if he doesn't defeat Lord Shyamalan! _Blagh_ – stop!"

So the three of them, adroitly evading the battling Firebenders and Waterbenders scattered about the streets, raced off back toward the Spirit Oasis as quickly as they could.

* * *

"Okay, are we back now?" Aang asked, glancing at Zuko. "Is it our part of the chapter again?"

Zuko, who was now leaning up against the blossoming tree, scrolled through the fanfic on the iPad. Mai had given up trying to get it back, and was currently seated on the grass at his feet, scowling.

"Yeah," Zuko nodded. "Looks like something's wrong with Sokka, though."

"What's wrong with Sokka?" Katara asked worriedly, suddenly sneezing.

Zuko furrowed his brow at the screen, bewildered. "I'm not sure," he said. "But apparently he's coming down with a cold, and he's started talking in really awkward and repetitive sentences."

Aang frowned, perplexed. "That's not good," he said. "Awng – come on. Time for you to face Lord Shyamalan. You're gonna have to try meditating again."

"But I can't focus with all this _stuff _going on!" Awng protested, his mouth trembling anxiously.

"Oh, relax, Baldy," Toph said, reclining on the grass and waving her hands casually. "We won't bother you."

"Movie Zuko's still frozen anyway," Katara pointed out. "So he can't capture you or anything."

Z-Patel glared at all of them. Katarola, too, was sitting on the grass and pouting bitterly - still irritated that the scene was not going at all the way it should have, according to Lord Shyamalan's script.

A loud crash suddenly thundered from outside the Spirit Oasis, and the walls of the little cavern quivered violently.

"Sounds like the battle scene's started," Iroh commented, gazing upward.

"Just wait till everyone's fighting everyone," Z-Patel muttered quietly, glancing pensively toward the entrance to the cavern. "Then the night will slip out."

Mai scoffed at Z-Patel. "You know, I think you might have done with one less '_everyone'_ in that line. Just saying."

"This is so strange," Zuko shook his head in amazement, his eyes fixed immovably on the iPad's screen. "I can read you guys' lines before you even say them!"

"Zuko," Katara began, "I think you should stop reading the fanfic before – "

"You should stop reading the fanfic before - " Zuko said along with her, at the exact same moment, reading it off the iPad's screen. Katara stopped speaking and glared at him.

"Seriously – " Mai attempted.

"Seriously – " Zuko said simultaneously. Now Mai scowled at him. Zuko smiled sheepishly at her.

"You know, that's kind of annoying," Toph commented.

"Sorry," Zuko said. "It's just really tempting. I mean, it's all right here! You guys want to know what happens next?"

"_No_!" everyone replied in unison.

"Zhao's coming," Zuko said anyway. Mai, unable to take any more, quickly reached up and snatched the iPad out of his hands before he had a chance to react. Zuko was startled for a moment, blinking, processing what had just happened; then he sighed in a melancholy way and gazed pitifully at her.

"I'm sorry, Zuko," Mai shook her head at him, tucking the iPad into her wide sleeves once more. "But I've got to cut you off."

"Should have seen that coming," Zuko grumbled, crossing his arms and moping.

"I'M _HERE_!" announced a very obnoxious voice from the entrance of the cavern. Movie Zhao himself, smirking and swaggering, came strolling confidently into the cave with a group of about four Fire Nation soldiers behind him.

Eeroh rose quickly to his feet, glaring darkly at the self-satisfied commander. "Zhao!"

Zhao sneered at him. "Ah, we meet again, old General Dreadlocks!" he chuckled, twitching. "For the sake of _THE LIBRARY! – _I mean, _propriety_, because I just respect you _so much_ – " he chuckled again, rolling his eyes, "I'll refrain from making fun of you right now, like I normally would, for your horrible, humiliating failure at Ba Sing Se and whatnot."

Eeroh frowned, slightly taken aback. "Well… that's unusually polite of you."

"Hm, _yes_," Zhao smirked again. "Your son _died _in that battle, didn't he?"

Eeroh paused, then sighed wearily. "Yes."

"Died pretty horribly, too, am I correct?" Zhao went on gleefully. "Must have been _terrible_ for you."

Eeroh sighed again, even more wearily. "Yes, Zhao."

"Hm, yes," Zhao continued. "Oh, and my condolences about your nephew _burning to death_ in that terrible accident!"

"Um, hello!" Z-Patel shouted, still frozen in his block of ice. "I'm right here! Still alive!"

Zhao blinked at him in confusion for a moment. Eeroh just shook his dreadlocked head in exasperation.

"That line doesn't make any sense in the context of this fanfic, Zhao," Eeroh pointed out. "We skipped the part where you blew up Z-Patel's ship."

Zhao pouted briefly. "Oh," he said, then shrugged. "Well, no matter – your life still sucks! Ha! And now I'm going to – _SPIRIT LIBRARY! – _kill one of those little fishies in that pond there. You know why? Do you?"

Now Z-Patel sighed wearily, rolling his eyes. "Hm, let me guess… Something to do with the library?"

"Because I found a _SECRET SPIRIT LIBRARY THAT TOLD ME THAT THOSE FISH ARE THE MOON AND OCEAN SPIRITS_!" Zhao twitched again, his eyes smoldering greedily. "Did I tell you about that, General Dreadlocks?"

Eeroh just sighed yet a third time. "Oh, my," he mumbled half-heartedly. "I had _no idea_, Zhao."

"_Yes_!" Zhao cried, striding forward toward the edge of the pond (and shoving Awng out of his way as he went). "It was my _destiny _to have found that information! The Fire Lord even told me so, after the sixth or seventh time I went to visit him! And everyone knows the Waterbenders will all become useless idiots if the Moon were to suddenly disappear – "

"They're already useless idiots," Katara mumbled under her breath. Toph snickered.

"So now I'm going to kill that fish!" Zhao declared, pointing at the white Koi fish circling in the pond. "I'm going to kill the fish, and destroy the Moon! And you can't stop me! Nya-nya!"

Aang slipped aside to Zuko and whispered, "Hey, is it just me, or was the Zhao with sideburns somehow actually _more _likeable than this guy?"

Zuko nodded. "I know," he said. "I couldn't believe it either."

Movie Zhao took out a small sack and scooped the white Koi fish out of the pond, holding it aloft and staring at it with bulging, twitchy eyes. Just around that moment, Sokka, Yue and Sockson all came running, breathless, into the cavern. They gaped at the scene, horrified. Eeroh urgently stepped forward toward Zhao.

"Commander Zhao!" Eeroh exclaimed sternly. "There are certain things humankind should not tamper with! The spirits and the Spirit World is one of them!"

"Are," Katara interrupted him.

Eeroh glanced at her over his shoulder. "What?"

"Just saying," Katara shrugged, "spirits and Spirit World _are_… Never mind. It's not important. Carry on."

Eeroh frowned, shook his head for a moment, then turned back to Zhao, resuming his previous urgency. "The world will go out of balance!" he cried. "_Everyone _will be hurt!"

Zhao scoffed at him. "Don't be stupid, General Dreadlocks!" he bellowed. "We don't need the Moon! That's just a superstition! Anyone with half a brain knows that the Moon serves no useful or scientific purpose!... The Fire Nation is _too powerful_ to believe in children's superstitions, General Eeroh!" He suddenly unleashed a villainous laugh. "NOW SHUT UP AND WATCH ME KILL THIS MAGICAL FISH!"

Suddenly, apparently from yet _another _side entrance in the cavern that no one had noticed before, four anonymous Waterbenders appeared. They approached the scene gravely, all standing in a line, staring hard at Zhao. Zhao noticed them and, frightened, dropped the fish back into the pond. He took a step back and crouched, holding his hands out like claws toward the four strange Waterbenders.

"Oh, not _you _four!" Zhao bellowed, quivering suddenly with fright. "Stay back! I'm _warning _you!"

The rest of the main protagonists – even the Movie Characters – only stared at the four mysterious Waterbenders in profound confusion.

"Wait – _who _are they?" Aang asked.

No one had an answer. But the four Waterbenders wordlessly stepped toward Zhao, who was squeaking with terror. They simultaneously lifted four streams of water up out of the spirit pond – four streams which all collided upon Zhao, who fell to the ground cowering. The four Waterbenders molded the water into a bubble, with Zhao inside it, and lifted him into the air, holding him there until he was quite dead. Then they dropped him nonchalantly.

All the rest of the characters gaped silently, shocked.

One of the four Waterbenders wiped his hands, glancing at the other three. "Well, looks like our work here is done, fellas!" he said happily. "Come on, let's go get a bite to eat."

"I could really go for some sushi!" said another of the four anonymous Waterbenders, as they all turned and departed from where they'd come from.

Utter silence. Everyone – Movie Characters and Animated Characters alike – all stared in various places: at the side entrance the Waterbenders had left through, at the soggy lump of Zhao on the ground, and at one another. Every mouth in the cavern was hanging open. No one quite knew how to respond to that.

At last, Mai broke the silence. "Well," she stammered. "That was kind of morbid."

"And… random," Aang added.

"Wait – hold on," Yue said suddenly, shaking her head in bewilderment and pointing at the two very alive Koi fish in the pond. "So does this mean I don't have to die to save that stupid fish?"

Eeroh furrowed his brow for a moment, and glanced over his shoulder at Iroh. The animated general shrugged back at him. Eeroh, likewise, shrugged at Yue.

"No, I guess not," he replied.

"Oh," Yue said, pondering for a moment. "Well, then, I guess my part in the movie's done. I'm outta here. See you all later!"

She turned to leave, but Sockson hastily grabbed hold of her hand.

"No, Yue!" he cried desperately. "You can't go! I won't let you!"

Yue frowned at him, exasperated. "What now, Sockson? Oh, I guess you're upset that we didn't get to do our tragic good-bye scene, huh? Okay, fine..."

She breathed deeply for a moment, gathering up some half-hearted drama.

"_There is no love without sacrifice_, blah blah blah," she began wearily, "_My life force will leave my body and return to the Moon Spirit_... _My soul will no longer exist in this form, _blah blah blah... _It is time we show the Fire Nation that we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs. _There, I said that stupid line. Is that good enough for you? Can I go now?"

"But Yue!" Sockson stammered. "What about _us_?"

Yue's eyes shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Right, _us_," she said slowly, and smiled feebly at him. "Uh… I'll call you." Hastily, she turned and left, leaving Sockson whimpering and pouting behind her.

Iroh glanced surreptitiously at Aang, shaking his head slowly and muttering, "She's not going to call."

"Okay, everyone," Z-Patel shouted, attempting to wriggle himself out of the ice. "I'm getting really cold. Can someone _please _unfreeze me now?"

Katara sneezed loudly. Sokka stared at her, wide-eyed with alarm.

"Katara!" he cried. "Don't get sick! It's a sickness that sickens you with badly written and repetitive dialogue that makes you repeat words in your sentences in an unnecessary way! – _ahh_! – See? Me and Suki both caught it! It's contagious!"

"Oh, no!" Katara gasped, sniffling. "The bad dialogue is contagious?"

"That means there's no time to lose!" Aang declared, pulling Awng forward and pushing him firmly down into a sitting position by the edge of the pond. "Awng – you've got to face Lord Shyamalan right away! It's now or never – before all of us get stuck speaking in awkward, redundant sentences!"

"Okay," Awng said hesitantly, resuming his meditating position.

"I can't feel my toes!" Z-Patel complained. "Or any of my body below my neck."

"Oh, quit your whining," Toph said.

"Looks like we've got one more chapter left, everyone," Aang said to the others, sighing heavily.

"I thought _this _was going to be the last one?" Katara asked, deeply disappointed.

Aang shook his head. "This one's gone on for a while – I'm pretty sure it's the longest one yet. The fanfic author won't try to fit Awng's showdown with Lord Shyamalan into this chapter. It's going to have to be the next one. Sorry, guys."

"So the _next_ chapter," Katara said, "is going to finally determine the fate of the movie, and the Movie Characters, and whether or not Sokka and Suki's normal dialogue will return?"

"Looks like it," Aang nodded, slumping on the grass and exhaling wearily. "We'll all just have to wait and see how it goes."

"Hey, seriously, guys!" Z-Patel shouted, wriggling wildly in the block of ice and contorting his face oddly. "Could someone _please _unfreeze me? My nose itches really bad!"

* * *

**Only one chapter left... So sad! Oh, well, it had to end eventually. I guess if there's ever a "Last Airbender 2" we can have another one. But then, depending on how the battle between Awng and Lord Shyamalan goes in the next chapter, there may not ever BE a sequel! We'll see... :D**


	10. Part Ten: Awng Faces his Destiny

**Hey guys! Well, looks like this is the end. *weeps dramatic Katarola-like tears* I've had SOOOOOO much fun writing this story, but now I'm afraid it's time for me to return to "real life." Sigh. Hope you all like the finale, and I hope you guys had as much fun reading it as I had writing it! Thanks again so much for all the reviews, everyone! You don't know how much I enjoyed reading them! And, in fact, I probably wouldn't have finished this crazy story if not for you guys, so yes... Thanks again, and glad I could make you all laugh! Maybe now the movie won't be quite so painful, lol. :D**

**Oh, and WobblyJelly, I just wanted to say that I was actually planning on doing what you suggested about the reviews way before you even suggested it… But the fact that you suggested it just made the whole thing 10 times ****more funny! So, thanks for reading my mind! Lol :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Avatar: the Last Airbender," the movie "The Last Airbender," or any of the characters in either of those. I also don't own Lord Shyamalan, and wouldn't want to, no matter how fun it is to take artistic liberties with him as a fictional character.**

**ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: I really, really _don't_ hate M. Night Shyamalan. Honest. Pinky-promise. In fact, I actually_ like_ most of his movies (everything he made up to "The Village" - after that, I dunno what's going on in that guy's head). But it's just _way too much fun_ to make fun of him! I can't help it. :)**

**ANOTHER ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: I also *shameful cough* enjoyed all three Star Wars prequels...**

* * *

PART TEN

"In Which Awng Faces His Destiny, and Zuko Reads the Reviews"

…

"Well, everyone," Toph sighed, stretching out contentedly on the grass. "Looks like we made it all the way to the last chapter of the fanfic!"

"I'm surprised we survived this long," Katara commented, sniffling. "You know, with our brains still intact."

"Speak for yourself!" Sokka glared at his sister, sneezing and scrubbing the excess mucus away with his sleeve. Katara cringed at him.

"Sokka, that's disgusting!" she exclaimed.

Sokka glowered at her unhappily. "Well, _excuse me_ for not carrying a handkerchief with which to wipe the fluid of my nose with… _Ugh_..." Sokka scowled, shook his head fiercely, and waved his fist vaguely in the air in defiance. "I mean, MY SNOT! There, that's better. You won't defeat _me_ with bad dialogue, Lord Shyamalan!"

"_I'm_ more surprised that this story actually sort of had a plot," Toph snickered.

"And that the author of this fanfic actually kept writing for this long," Mai added. "You'd think she'd have given up on this story around chapter six. I know _I_ did."

Zuko, who'd been attempting unsuccessfully to steal the iPad back from Mai since the last chapter, crept slyly up behind her, reaching for the sleeve where she'd tucked it away. But Mai quickly moved out of his reach, narrowing her eyes at him. Zuko hastily looked elsewhere and pretended to be up to nothing.

Katarola was currently slumped on the ground in a dramatic sulk, still bitter about having not been able to finish her fight scene with Z-Patel. Sockson moped beside her, feeling sorry for himself about his break-up with Movie Yue. Aang was pacing anxiously, keeping a close eye on Awng, who sat silently in his meditation pose at the edge of the Spirit Pool, attempting to concentrate. Iroh and Eeroh were lounging contentedly nearby, both beginning to drift off into a doze. And Z-Patel, still trapped (except for his face) in the block of ice, had given up trying to talk one of the Waterbenders into setting him free, and was humming a little tune to himself to help pass the time.

"_Jai ho…_" he hummed under his breath, bobbing his head to the beat. "_Jai ho_… _Jai_ – Hey, wait!" Suddenly, the live-action prince looked up, furrowing his brow. "Did anyone notice that Zhao just sort of disappeared after those four random Waterbenders assassinated him in the last chapter?"

"Oh, yeah," Aang frowned briefly in thought, then shrugged at him. "Probably the fanfic author just hoped no one would think about it."

"Yeah," Toph nodded, yawning. "I mean, she probably didn't want to bother writing about us, er… _disposing_ of him. But I'm sure she also wouldn't want us all hanging around in this cave with him still here."

Katara shuddered, sniffling and rubbing her nose. "Yeah," she said. "That would be pretty gross."

"Hey," came the clogged-up voice of Suki from the entrance to the cavern. The animated Kyoshi Warrior herself, looking pallid and miserable, wandered into the Spirit Oasis and glanced around in slight bewilderment. "What's happening? Everyone's here – everyone has somehow gathered in this one place? This spiritual place? I mean – _ugh_ – everyone is…" She shook her head fiercely, struggling against the overwhelming bad dialogue. "Is this some kind of gathering in which we're all gathered? – _Blah_! Why was I not invited, guys?"

"Fight it, Suki!" Sokka urged her desperately. "_Fight the redundancy_!"

"Wow," Mai commented, again dodging one of Zuko's attempt to steal the iPad. "The whole cast is here now. The author of this fanfic must be crazy to put us all together in one place."

"The author of this fanfic gave Zuko cactus juice in chapter six," Iroh pointed out, raising his gray eyebrows at Mai. "And you're just now beginning to suspect that she is crazy?"

Katara suddenly sneezed very loudly. Aang immediately turned to her.

"Katara!" he cried anxiously, coming and kneeling beside her on the grass. "Are you okay? Stop getting sick! Hurry – say something! Say something normal!"

Katara glanced at him, amused at his concern. "I'm _fine_, Aang," she assured him. "No bad dialogue yet. But you better not get too close – I don't want you to catch it, too."

At that moment, while everyone was distracted by Katara, Zuko tackled Mai from behind. He pinned both her arms to her sides and attempted to slip his hand into her sleeve to retrieve the iPad, while she struggled fiercely against him.

"Let me go!" she shouted. "Zuko! _No_! It's bad for you!"

But somehow amidst Mai's desperate attempts to wrench herself out of his grip, Zuko managed to steal the iPad from out of her sleeve. Quickly, he darted away with it in his hand, retreating to the opposite side of the cavern and snickering in triumph.

"_Zuko_!" Mai growled, fuming and straightening her tousled hair.

Zuko smiled shrewdly back at her. "Too slow, Mai!" he chuckled, deeply satisfied with himself. "Better luck next time."

Mai scowled first at Zuko, then at Z-Patel. She pointed a threatening finger at the frozen live-action prince. "I blame _you _for this!" she declared fiercely. Z-Patel's eyes grew wide with fright for a moment.

Awng, who had been trying his hardest to meditate all this time, suddenly exhaled with deep frustration and buried his face in his hands. "It's not working!" he cried out in despair. "I can't do it! I can't meditate. I'll never be able to fight Lord Shyamalan! It's hopeless!"

"You can't give up, Awng!" Aang urged him, sitting down beside the live-action Airbender and putting an encouraging hand on his shoulders. "You can do it – I know you can."

"No, I can't!" Awng shook his head sorrowfully. "I'm not good enough, Aang! I don't know how to fight. I _barely_ know how to have a personality!… And Lord Shyamalan is too powerful!"

"Is he _really _that powerful, though?" Iroh asked incredulously, stroking his dreadlocks.

"He _is _powerful!" Awng argued desperately. "I mean, look at what he's done – he took a great story with amazing characters and a huge fanbase, and somehow turned it into one of the worst movies of 2010! How is that even _possible_? And besides that, _everyone_ knows who he is, because he puts his name on the title of _all _of his movies. But even though he's arguably only made two or three actually _good _movies – and those were a while back – people still pay lots of money to go see his new movies! You see? He's _scary powerful_!"

Aang sat for a moment in silent thought, then slowly grinned at the distressed live-action Airbender. "Hey," Aang said. "You wanna know how I know that you can do it, Awng?"

Awng looked at him. "How?"

"Because of everything you just said," Aang replied. "You're more aware of Lord Shyamalan's true nature than probably any other character in this movie… Except maybe Yue, but she already left… But, the point is, you _know _what you're doing. You know what's going on, and you can do something about it. You've just got to have more confidence in yourself!"

"Hey," Zuko spoke up from the distant end of the cavern, scanning the iPad's screen once again. "Don't worry, kid. This thing says that you're going to beat him before this chapter's over."

"Really?" Awng asked, brightening a little.

"Zuko!" Mai growled again, glaring sternly at him. "_Stop _reading ahead in the fanfic! You're ruining the suspense!"

Zuko just scoffed. "Suspense?" he cried. "What suspense? Everyone already knew that Awng was going to defeat Lord Shyamalan by the end of this chapter."

"It's true," Toph agreed.

"I'm just trying to give him a little encouragement," Zuko went on. "Is that so wrong, Mai? Is it?"

Mai just shook her head at him in exasperation, throwing up her arms. "Fine!" she said. "I give up – go ahead and _read _the fanfiction. Might as well read all the reviews too, while you're at it! See if I care."

Zuko's eyes grew wide. "There are _reviews_?" he exclaimed. Then, eagerly, he turned his attention back to the iPad and began scrolling through the pages, searching for the reviews.

Mai smacked herself in the forehead. "Great," she muttered.

"Hey, Awng," Toph spoke up. "Why don't you just relax? I mean, you're _going _to face Lord Shyamalan sometime during this chapter. And you're going to win. So don't worry about it! I mean, you probably don't even have to meditate. There's no logic in this fanfic anyway – all of us just _showed up _here in the Movie World without any explanation back at the beginning. And I was gone for three and a half chapters, then just _got _here somehow without even doing anything. The author will take care of it, trust me."

"You're right, Toph," Aang said, grinning. "Why didn't I think of that? You don't even need to meditate, Awng! The author will just get you there with no explanation. That's pretty much how this whole story has gone up till now. Might as well just relax until the next section break."

"Hm!" Awng murmured, beginning to smile. "Well – in that case…" He stretched, yawned, and reclined lazily on the grass.

"This is _so wrong_," Katarola complained, shaking her head furiously, lips quivering. "We're not supposed to be doing all this! It's all mixed up and out of order! What about the Fire Nation, and the big battle scene? What about Z-Patel kidnapping Awng? And Awng is supposed to meditate and cross into the Spirit World and talk to the Anonymous Blue Dragon Spirit who's supposed to give him advice, and then… Ugh! _This isn't what's supposed to happen_!"

"Oh, calm down, Cupcake," Katara rolled her eyes, sniffling. "None of that stuff is important."

"Right!" Sokka agreed fervently through his stuffed-up nose. "The issue of importance at this moment is the issue of my speaking in this awkward speech, and Suki as well! And soon Katara will also be speaking in a similarly awkward speech pattern of unnecessary words! You see? Lord Shyamalan must be stopped!"

Katarola pouted. "Well – can me and Z-Patel at least have our fight scene? I've been looking forward to it for the whole movie!"

"Maybe later," Katara replied, sneezing yet again.

Zuko, who had adjusted himself into a comfortable lounging position at his end of the cavern, laughed loudly at the iPad's screen. "Hey, everyone!" he said. "This is great – we've got five pages of reviews on here! People think we're funny!"

"Really?" Suki asked, curious.

"Yeah," Zuko nodded. "They think this whole story is really hilarious. Let's see what some of these say… Hm. Apparently someone named She-Pirates-kick-BUTT thinks that Sokka having a smart moment back in chapter one was like the apocalypse…"

"Hey!" Sokka frowned indignantly.

"And… a lot of them seem to think it was funny when I was repetitively spitting out my tea in shock back in the first chapter," Zuko went on, scrolling through the reviews. "WobblyJelly thinks that Katarola is annoying… Everyone seems pretty amused at my ignorance about the fourth wall in the first few chapters… Someone named Forever Fyre writes really long reviews – I'll read those later…"

"Zuko," Mai sighed wearily. "I _really _don't think you should be – "

But Zuko ignored her. "Brown Eyed Bandit thinks we're the only American cartoon worth watching nowadays – "

"That's probably true," Aang nodded thoughtfully.

"And… it looks like a couple of people were confused about how _you _knew about sex in chapter four, Aang." Zuko furrowed his brow at the animated Airbender. "Wait – _why_ were you talking about sex?... And how _do _you know about it?"

Aang blushed fiercely. Everyone stared at him.

"What?" Aang cried, suddenly wishing to curl into a ball and disappear. "I just – ! Well, I – ! I didn't _want _to talk about it! I was – I was just trying to educate _him_! Awng! I mean – I mean, he had no idea…! Hey, look – just because I'm a monk doesn't mean I'm ignorant, okay? _Why is everyone looking at me_?"

Zuko just shrugged and turned back to the iPad. "Whatever. Anyway…" he went on. "They all apparently thought it was _really funny_ when I got drunk on cactus juice in chapter six – "

"Of course they did," Mai rolled her eyes. "None of them are _dating _you. Though I bet a lot of them wish they were."

"Sapphiq I thinks you're a decent actor stuck in a bad movie," Zuko said to Z-Patel.

Z-Patel brightened for a moment. "Really?" he said, then frowned slightly. "Wait – just _decent_?"

"Hey, take whatever you can get," Zuko said. "Moving on – Mai, AnnaAza thinks you're awesome. And NikkiTowers says the way you broke the fourth wall in chapter eight was impressive."

Mai couldn't conceal a small smile, but she quickly shook it away. "That doesn't make it okay for you to keep reading those reviews, Zuko – !"

But Zuko ignored her yet again, skimming through the last of the reviews. "Let's see… lots of the same kind of stuff… _haha, so hilarious, LOL, the movie sucks, more please, poor Zuko… _Tsona didn't finish reading the fanfic yet because of some important chores… Mai4Eternity wanted to inform us that Movie Yue's going to be in the sequel to our show – "

"Hey!" Aang grinned. "I said something about that in chapter eight!"

"… PotterPhantomKitten wanted us to know that the Earthbenders who did the Pebble Dance in chapter five actually weren't as ridiculous as they appeared…"

"Oh, no, they _definitely _were," Toph interjected knowledgably. "Trust me – all those lies they spread about how it was actually someone _else_ bending that dumb little rock, and they were actually doing something more impressive off-screen? Ha, _right_. I've heard all that before. They were just trying to cover for how embarrassing their technique really was. But it's okay. I beat them good."

"SarcasticAngel is apparently laughing her butt off about the Bad Dialogue Flu," Zuko continued, snickering under his breath.

Sokka and Suki both frowned. "Well, I'm certain that a certain SarcasticAngel's amusement would certainly be much decreased if _she _caught it!" Sokka said, sniffling.

"Are you certain it's a 'she'?" Suki asked him.

Sokka waved his hands. "Certainly! Most everyone of places is aware in their minds that the large majority of fanfic writers who write fanfiction are females."

"And… _whoa_! Hold on a second!" Zuko paused briefly, his eyes widening slightly in uneasiness. "Uh… It appears that someone named WobblyJelly wanted the author of this fanfic to – uh – to write a chapter… where one of us reads off all the reviews…"

Everyone grew silent for a few moments, eyes fixed on Zuko. Zuko stared blankly at the iPad for a long while, then quietly closed down the internet browser and shut it off.

"I think I've had enough internet for now," he mumbled. "Suddenly I feel very used."

* * *

Meanwhile, in an unknown alternate dimension…

Lord Shyamalan, the mad director himself, sat in his small, artistically cluttered office – a room he liked to call the 'Chamber of Genius' – crouched feverishly over his computer, attempting to work out the kinks of his next brilliant screenplay: _The Last Airbender 2_.

"We see the heroes soaring over a vast desert," Lord Shyamalan muttered to himself, typing rapidly. "Katara narrates in a voice-over: _'We passed through the desert on our way to Ba Sing Se… We found a Great Library, where Soh-ka discovered that there was to be an eclipse that would block the Fire Nation's Firebending powers… Appa was captured by the Sandbenders of the desert, and Awng was very upset. But after we rescued Appa, he felt better…_' And, cut to Ba Sing Se!"

Lord Shyamalan sat back for a moment, scanning the words he'd just written with deep satisfaction. He glanced sideways, to a large mirror that hung on his wall, and grinned at himself.

"You're a genius!" he declared to his reflection.

Standing up for a moment to stretch and contemplate his own brilliance, Lord Shyamalan began to ponder his scheme for the rest of the movie's plot.

"I'd think I ought to really focus on the Guru at the end," he said aloud, scratching his head thoughtfully. "Yes – that spiritual stuff about Chakras is so fascinating and artistic… But how to fit it all into ninety minutes? Maybe I can just leave out the Dai Li's secret conspiracy thing and have the characters just go straight to the Earth King? Oh! – what if the Guru _is_ the Earth King? And _I _can play him! – Oh, but wait… I've got to make all the Earth Kingdom people Chinese. Forgot about that."

He sighed heavily. "Oh, well…" he said, sitting back down in his Chair of Genius. "The Guru can't be the Earth King. But I can still play the Guru! It can be my cameo. Yeah!"

Quickly, before he lost hold of the idea, he began to type it up into the script. Once that was done, he pursed his lips in deep thought once more.

"Now, how about Toph?" he wondered. "There's no way I can fit in all that stuff about her parents and the Earthbending tournament… Hm… Maybe I should just skip over their meeting with Toph completely? I can just have her join up with them in Ba Sing Se. Fans of the show will know who she is, anyway! I won't have to explain that."

He began to type again, zealously jotting down each of his brilliant ideas, and still muttering to himself as he typed.

"We'll have to get rid of Toph's blind jokes, though," he mused. "They're funny and all, but they definitely won't fit with the tone of the movie – "

"_LEAVE TOPH ALONE, LORD SHYAMALAN_!" a young, authoritative voice suddenly burst from behind him.

The director nearly fell out of his Chair of Genius in surprise. He leaped to his feet, wide-eyed and gasping, to face the mysterious speaker. There, in the doorway of his creatively cluttered Chamber of Genius, stood a boy. A very familiar boy – one with a bald head, intricate arrow tattoos, and a mouth that hung perpetually open. Lord Shyamalan exhaled, and stared at him, perplexed.

"Oh. It's you, Noah – I mean, uh, Awng," Lord Shyamalan exclaimed, attempting to catch his breath. "You really startled me! What are you doing here? How did you get out of the Movie World?"

Awng fixed his eyes sternly upon the director, not replying for several moments. There was something in the boy's expression that deeply troubled Lord Shyamalan – though he couldn't quite place what it was. Awng seemed… _different_ than he remembered. But different how?

"I have no idea how I got here," Awng answered him at last. "But that doesn't really matter. You see, we're in an illogical fanfic at the moment. The author just put me here, because this is the last chapter, and it's time for me to face you."

"We're in an illogical fanfic?" Lord Shyamalan asked, bewildered. "Even _me_? But… _I _can't be in a fanfic! I'm a real-life person! And what do you mean, you're here to _face _me? Did you… did you come to tell me what a great job I did on your movie?"

"No, Lord Shyamalan," Awng said solemnly. "That is _not _why I'm here… And yes, you're in the fanfic too. Anyone can fall victim to a fanfic, real-life or not. Besides, you make enough cameos in your movies, you might as well be a fictional character."

Lord Shyamalan chuckled, a little nervously. He opened his mouth, assuming that he already had a very clever rebuttal prepared; but after a moment he realized that there weren't any words coming out of him. So he shut his mouth.

Awng stepped forward into the Chamber of Genius, assuming an offensive fighting stance.

"What are you doing?" Lord Shyamalan asked, chuckling again – even more nervously. That mysterious something different in the boy's face was really unsettling to the director. What _was _it?

"I'm here to stop you from writing the sequel," Awng declared.

Suddenly, Lord Shyamalan realized what it was that so frightened him about Awng's expression. There was – there was – an actual _personality_ lurking in the boy's eyes. Something _alive_, deep down inside of Awng, that was made up of complex layers of feelings, strengths and weaknesses, idiosyncrasies, spontaneity, and… (Lord Shyamalan gulped)… _a sense of humor_. It was faint, undeveloped – but it was _there_, nevertheless. It had potential. It might grow into something he could no longer understand or control.

Lord Shyamalan stuttered nervously. "You want to stop me?" he cried. "You mean, you don't _want_ me to write the sequel?"

"No one does," Awng said firmly. "I'll do whatever I have to to stop you from writing that sequel. And trust me – I _can _do it."

"But – where did all this come from?" Lord Shyamalan demanded indignantly, his fright and confusion beginning to develop into anger. "You're _my_ character! I wrote you and directed you just the way you were supposed to be! How dare you come here and try to stop me from writing the sequel? Who put you up to this? Was it those tasteless jerks over at RottenTomatoes?"

"No," Awng said again, shaking his head and gathering all his resolve. Something about finally being face to face with Lord Shyamalan, and knowing the truth, was immensely empowering to the boy. "It was the characters from the animated series, actually. See, they saw your movie, and they all thought that it was so bad that they took it upon themselves to come _into _the movie and try to fix it. They opened my eyes up to the truth. That's why I'm here to stop you, Lord Shyamalan."

Lord Shyamalan stammered and sputtered furiously. "But – but – !" he gasped. "But I'm a huge fan of the show!"

"Well, they're not big fans of _you_," Awng replied. "Sorry. But you can't blame them – I mean, you even changed their _names_! What were you thinking?"

Lord Shyamalan frowned indignantly. "I wanted the pronunciations to be more authentically Asian! Is that such a bad thing?"

"But the story isn't set in authentic Asia! It's in a fantasy world where pronunciations can be whatever the original creators want! And everybody liked the names the way they were!" Awng pointed out impatiently. "And anyway, even though you tried to make the names more Asian, you didn't actually _cast_ any Asian actors in the major roles! Except for Z-Patel, I guess – but still… That doesn't make any sense! I mean, were you _trying _to make people mad at you? Because it kind of seems that way."

"Look – no one understands me!" Lord Shyamalan growled, now genuinely becoming angry. "That's all! I'm just too artistic for all of them! They don't understand me! They're _jealous_! They're jealous because I make better movies than they do! That's what it is! _I'm _a genius! _I _made 'The Sixth Sense'! _I'm _the next Alfred Hitchcock! I even make cameos in my own movies, just like Alfred did! They all bash me because they just don't understand how brilliant I actually am! Just like _all_ great artists in history!"

"All great artists haven't been like that!" Awng furrowed his brow.

"Yes! _Yes_, they have!" Lord Shyamalan protested resolutely. "What about Van Gogh, huh? What about Mozart? What about, uh… um… What about… What about, um… _All the others!_ That's right, I'm just like them. An under-appreciated and misunderstood genius! A martyr for my art! "

"Lord Shyamalan," Awng sighed heavily. "Sometimes, when people criticize something, it's because it's _actually bad_. Did you ever think about that?"

"That's what they tried to tell George Lucas about the Star Wars prequels!" Lord Shyamalan sputtered with rage, pounding his fists on the desk. "But did he listen? _No_! And I won't either!"

"Please listen to me, Lord Shyamalan," Awng urged him desperately. "We don't have to fight! You have the power to end it here and stop what you're doing!"

Lord Shyamalan paused for a moment, breathing heavily, glowering at the boy. Then he scowled, flushing with rage.

"You're right!" he declared after a moment. "_I have the power_! I have _all _the power! I am the writer, and the producer, and the director! And big companies still continue to fund my movies even though the critics bash me! YOU WILL _NEVER _STOP ME! _NEVER_!"

With a sudden, maniacal laugh, the crazed director dashed out of sight, behind a large file cabinet that stood against the wall of his Chamber of Genius. Awng barely had a moment to react – Lord Shyamalan gave the file cabinet a hefty shove, tipping the whole thing over. The live-action Avatar only just managed to dodge out of the way, frantically stumbling and landing hard against the corner of Lord Shyamalan's desk, bashing his hip bone on the corner of it.

Awng winced, shooting pain jolting through his hip. "Ow," he muttered. "That's going to bruise."

But Lord Shyamalan – in contrast to his ordinarily relaxed demeanor – had apparently now gone entirely mad with power and fury. Awng hadn't expected that to happen. It seemed that something had snapped in Lord Shyamalan's mind. Perhaps it was simply that, after so many negative reviews from the critics, now that one of the director's _own characters_ was actually revolting, it just sent him over the edge. Or perhaps, secretly, he'd always been insane, deep down.

Whatever the case was, the crazed director was now coming after Awng with a stapler, cackling wildly, launching staples mercilessly at the boy.

Awng, caught off guard and attempting to evade the barrage of flying staples, hastily retreated, taking refuge under Lord Shyamalan's desk.

Lord Shyamalan shoved aside his Chair of Genius and leaped on top of the desk, scattering notes and files in a whirlwind around the room. Awng slid farther back under the desk, as far back as he could against the wall. The mad director cackled outrageously and began to fiercely pound on the desk with his feet.

"Come on out, little boy!" Lord Shyamalan bellowed villainously. "You can't hide down there forever!"

Awng cowered under the desk, breathing heavily. He couldn't do it – Lord Shyamalan was too powerful! He was going to lose. _It was hopeless!..._

But no – no, he couldn't lose! Zuko had said he would win. He _had _to – not just to prove that he was a good enough protagonist, but to save the Animated Characters from suffering the possibly permanent effects of Bad Dialogue Flu. He had to do it for _them_. And for all the fans of the series out there in the world that had been cheated out of a good live-action adaptation of their beloved animated series.

If only he had a few moments to breathe, to collect himself! Just some kind of small break. Something short, just for a few pages, enabling him to come back from this moment of apparent hopelessness and miraculously win the battle…

* * *

Back at the Spirit Oasis in the Movie World, the rest of the protagonists lounged around in boredom.

"Hey," Zuko commented, looking around. "Where did Awng go?"

"I think we had a section break earlier," Aang yawned. "Around the time you stopped reading the reviews. So he's probably off fighting Lord Shyamalan somewhere right now."

"Hm," Iroh muttered. "Hope that's going okay."

"Yeah," Zuko sighed. Then, after a moment of pensive silence, the animated prince rose to his feet, stretched, and meandered casually toward the exit of the cave.

"Where are you going, Zuko?" Katara asked.

Zuko glanced back over his shoulder at all of them. "Well," he said. "This _is_ the last chapter of the fanfic, right?"

Aang shrugged, nodding slowly. "I'm pretty sure," he said. "I mean, the chapter is called 'Awng Faces his Destiny,' and things like facing your destiny usually only happen at the end of stories. Besides, I'm not sure what else _could_ actually happen in this story. So, yeah."

"Right," Zuko nodded lazily. "I just remembered, I've got to go back to chapter six and take care of something really quick. I'll be back soon. Just don't go back to the Animated World without me, okay, everyone?"

"Sure thing," Toph said.

"Don't take too long, Zuko," Mai added.

"Don't worry, it should only take a few minutes," Zuko replied as he left the cavern. "See you guys in a little while."

After Zuko left, the tedious silence returned, broken only by the sounds of Sokka, Suki and Katara sniffling miserably. Aang sighed. Toph picked at the dirt between her toes. Iroh and Eeroh began playing "rock, paper, scissors" quietly. Sockson, who had fallen asleep, began to snore, while Katarola unhappily tore off pieces of grass in her fingers. And Z-Patel (yes, _still_ in the block of ice) began to hum again, bored.

"_I'm just a little silhouetto of a man, scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango..."_ the live-action prince sang under his breath.

"I'm bored," Katarola complained after a few moments.

Katara, with a deep sniffle, glared at the live-action girl. "I'm _so_ sorry for you," she said, rolling her eyes. "Really, my heart inside me is full of inner sympathy for your sympathetic plight – _whah_?" Katara blinked, shook her head dizzily, and her eyes widened in horror at her own sentence. She quickly clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Katara, _no_!" Aang cried in distress. "Now it's started with you too!"

Sokka shook his head sorrowfully. "No, _no_! My sister!" he murmured. "Where will the horrible pain of these horrors cease to be horrible? I mean – _what_? No! I mean – the horror! _Gah_!..."

"Fight, Sokka!" Suki urged him. "You must fight against the overpowering power of the badness!"

Sokka struggled for a moment, biting his lip and holding back the deluge of ridiculous, unnatural dialogue. He held his breath, his face turning red, attempting desperately to form a sentence that was at least somewhat human. At last, he managed to force out four small, simple words, without any redundancy:

"_I… DON'T… LIKE… THIS_!"

He exhaled heavily afterward, exhausted from the effort.

Katara, her hand still clamped tightly over her mouth for fear of what would come out next, looked anxiously at Sokka and Suki, and turned her frightened blue eyes sadly to Aang. Aang's own eyes were wide-open and alarmed.

"It's getting worse!" Aang shouted. "The bad dialogue is taking over! Guys, I – " Suddenly, the animated Airbender's nose twitched. He wrinkled it for a moment, frowning, and very abruptly exploded in a violent sneeze that sent him flying all the way to the ceiling of the cavern.

"Aang!" Katara cried, releasing her mouth in dismay. "No, not you too!"

Everyone watched as he came fluttering back to the ground on a current of air, sniffling and rubbing his nose. The animated boy collapsed onto the grass, tired and unhappy.

"Great," he sighed. "Now _I've _caught it! I just hope that Awng defeats Lord Shyamalan soon."

"Or else we're all doomed!" Sokka cried, clutching his head, eyes darting around in terror. "Doomed to forever speak in these speeches of words for all time and always!"

"You guys ought to all be quarantined or something!" Toph commented, nervously scooting far away from all of them. "Zuko was smart to leave. All of you keep your redundant germs away from me! My snarkiness is part of who I am, and I'd really like to keep it!"

"I think you all deserve it," Katarola muttered bitterly.

"What?" Katara shouted fiercely. "We _deserve_ it? What actions have we committed that we are deserving of such an undeserved punishment of penalties – _Blah_! _Blegh_! – I mean, we only came here with the purpose of trying to help!"

"You Animated Characters ruined the movie!" Katarola cried, quivering and blinking rapidly. "This was my very first movie, and you came in and ruined it! And you've been really mean to me the whole time, too. Especially you, Katara! So I think you deserve to have Bad Dialogue Flu! That's what I think."

Katara rose to her feet, clenching her fists with rage. "This bad movie film was ruined _long _before we got here and entered it!" she shouted fiercely. "And _I_ have no regretful feelings of remorse at all for making fun of you in a mocking way! _You _were supposed to portray my own character, and you did not portray me with any accuracy at all! You cry and weep and sob and cry and pout and whimper and cry all the time, every scene, non-stop! You can't fight or engage in any combat! And you're mostly just useless in a non-useful way – BLAH! _And it's REALLY, REALLY hard for me to yell at you properly right now_!"

Aang sniffled. "Hey – come on, don't fight, guys," he sighed. "This is the last chapter, and I'm feeling too tired to intervene right now."

Katarola rose to her feet as well, lips trembling with emotion, glaring at her furious animated counterpart. "I'll engage _you _in combat!" she declared.

Katara just rolled her eyes and turned away, sniffling. "No, thanks," she sighed. "Under ordinary circumstances I would very much enjoy an enjoyable kicking of your behind, ordinarily. However, I don't feel well or in my ordinary state of health. And besides, it would hardly be a fair fight, anyway."

"Aw," Toph moaned in disappointment. "Too bad. A good Katara vs. Katara battle would have been really entertaining."

"Well, I really want to fight _someone_!" Katarola shouted, her dewy eyes intense. "Can I please fight Z-Patel now, since _you_ won't fight me?"

Katara slumped back on the grass again with an irritated growl, and waved her arms at the live-action girl. "Fine!" she said. "Go on, go ahead and go for it. There's nothing better to occupy our time until the next break of the chapter."

Katarola smiled brightly, suddenly delighted and eager. Waving her arms in a slow, twirling motion, she melted the ice that was holding Z-Patel captive. The live-action prince collapsed to his knees for a moment, standing shakily and wincing.

"Hold on," he groaned, holding a finger toward the enthusiastic Katarola. "My legs fell asleep in there. Give it a second… Wait… Wait… Okay, I'm good."

"Need some fire, Z-Patel?" Iroh asked helpfully, raising his hand toward the live-action prince to offer him a small flame.

Eeroh, however, reached out and lowered Iroh's arm. "Wait, wait," Eeroh said, grinning. "I'll handle this. I was supposed to do this earlier, but I did not get a chance. And I've been really wanting to do it."

The live-action general rose slowly to his feet, took a deep breath, and stretched his arms out wide with a loud roar. Two impressive streams of fire burst from his knuckles. Z-Patel and Katarola both gawked at Eeroh in amazement. The Animated Characters, however, just yawned, shrugged, and went back to their respective lounging positions on the grass. It wasn't a big deal to them.

Eeroh set a portion of the grass on fire, then gathered his self-made flames back to himself and sighed, resuming his seat. "There you are, Z-Patel," he smiled serenely at his nephew.

"Let's fight!" Katarola shouted eagerly, raising her hands toward Z-Patel.

"'Kay," Z-Patel replied with an indifferent shrug. He then took a deep breath, did a few quick, spastic movements with his arms, and launched a fireball at Katarola.

The live-action Waterbender quickly waved her own arms in a wide circle, lifting a stream of water from the Spirit Pond and extinguishing Z-Patel's flames. Both the combatants took a moment to pause. The Animated Characters all yawned again. Suki sneezed.

Z-Patel did his best to make an angry, intense face at Katarola before attacking again – though it was hard for him to muster the necessary rage. He just wasn't feeling the motivation anymore. However, he went on with the battle, this time sending two jets of fire in her direction. Katarola quickly blocked them as well. Both of the Movie Characters paused again, breathing. Katarola stared at the live-action prince, wide-eyed, wide-mouthed, bubbling with emotions.

A third time, Z-Patel shot fire at her, adding a half-hearted roar to his attack. She spun and doused his flames once more. Another pause.

Toph sighed with disappointment. "This is a boring fight," she muttered.

Z-Patel also sighed, unenthused, and began to jerk and contort his body once more for yet another fiery attack. But in the middle of the attack, he just sort of gave up. A small stream of fire flew towards Katarola, but dissolved with a pathetic fizzle before it even reached her.

"Hold on," Z-Patel said. "Why are we fighting?"

Katarola blinked at him, bewildered. "Um… Because… Because I wanted to fight someone?"

Z-Patel scratched his head. "But why?"

"Well, because," Katarola stammered for a moment, lowering her arms. "Because… I guess, because it's… hm…"

"I just feel like there's no point," Z-Patel admitted after a moment. "I mean, in the script I was supposed to fight you because I was trying to capture the Avatar. But the Avatar's not even here right now. And anyway, we both know I'm never going to capture him… I mean, what's our motivation, you know? It just feels pointless…"

"I… I guess," Katarola muttered, frowning in confusion.

Z-Patel looked at her entreatingly, beginning to step toward her. "You know... we could be friends instead?"

Katarola blinked at him. "We could?"

"Yeah, why not?" Z-Patel asked, with a disarming smile.

"But – " Katarola stuttered, shaking her head and quivering. "But – _no_! No, it's impossible! We're too different!"

Aang, meanwhile, glanced at Katara and whispered, "Um… what's going on?" Katara just shrugged, too tired to even try to understand these Movie Characters anymore.

"Are we _really _that different?" Z-Patel asked earnestly, stepping closer to her again.

Katarola kept her wide, blank eyes fixed intently on the live-action prince as he approached. "Well," she murmured, "you're fire, and I'm water…"

"You're right," Z-Patel nodded, smiling again. "We're opposites… Sort of like… _yin _and _yang_…"

Katarola smiled slightly. "I never thought of it like that…"

Z-Patel was now standing face to face with Katarola. "You know," he said, "when you think about it, it's almost like it's our – "

" – _Destiny_," the two Movie Characters said in unison, gazing deeply into one another's eyes for several moments. An intense silence settled over the two of them, while the Animated Characters all glanced at one another in bewilderment.

"You're kind of hot," Z-Patel said at last.

Katarola suddenly smiled seductively at him. "Princes with daddy issues are sexy," she said.

A moment later, they were kissing passionately.

The jaws of the Animated Characters all dropped simultaneously. Katara gagged a little in her throat.

Suddenly, a strange cry – like a great multitude of agonized female voices – came reverberating through the air, wailing and echoing into the cavern: "_NOT ZUTARA! NOOOOO….!_"

Iroh groaned, swaying for a moment and holding his head in pain. Eeroh glanced at him, putting a hand on his shoulders. "What is it, my friend?" Eeroh asked him with concern.

"I'm not sure," Iroh replied, frowning solemnly. "But I felt a great disturbance, as if… millions of Kataang fans suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced."

Mai, grimacing with distaste at the scene, looked away. "Okay," she muttered. "I didn't think that this fanfic could get any more disturbing than it already was. But somehow, it just did."

* * *

Awng, still crouching under Lord Shyamalan's desk, cringed at each loud thump of the mad director's foot above him. Lord Shyamalan was still laughing maniacally, pounding on the top of the desk with wild fervor. Awng glanced upward, shuddering with fright – the top of the desk was dipping perilously from the weight of the crazed director. A small crack was beginning to creep through the wood, deepening with each ferocious stomp of Lord Shyamalan's feet.

"Ah, ha ha ha! You're _weak_!" Lord Shyamalan bellowed, cackling villainously and jumping on the desk with tenfold energy. "You do not deserve to exist in this movie – in _my _movie! Prepare to _DIE-E-E-E_!"

And with that, Lord Shyamalan gave a last, crushing blow to the top of the desk. The desk gave a groan, and a sickening crack – and collapsed on top of the live-action Avatar. Lord Shyamalan leaped out of the way of the ruins as it gave way beneath him, turning and surveying the pile of smashed wood with satisfaction.

Silence. Nothing stirred beneath the ruins of the desk. Lord Shyamalan stepped nearer, leaning down to examine the pile.

"Come on out, little boy!" Lord Shyamalan sneered, his eyes bulging madly. "You're about to – "

Suddenly, a tattooed arm burst from the ruins of the desk, grabbing a handful of the director's curly black hair.

"Ow!" Lord Shyamalan whimpered, his voice squeaking and his eyes watering. "Hey, that really hurts!"

Awng, eyes and tattoos glowing with the unearthly light of the Avatar State, emerged from the ruins of the desk with a newfound strength and vengeance. Lord Shyamalan gaped at him in fright, stuttering. He meant to say something, but before he had a chance, Awng raised his arms and blasted him with a powerful burst of air. The director flew across the small office, hitting the opposite wall hard and landing uncomfortably in a pile of paper, pens, and old Hitchcock movies.

Groaning, Lord Shyamalan looked up, eyes wide with terror. The live-action Avatar towered over him, and his eyes pierced the director with their pale, unforgiving light. The director quivered and cowered.

"Hey," he stammered nervously. "Hey, come on, kid! I didn't mean it! Look, what if I keep Toph's blind jokes in the script, huh? Would that be okay?"

"NO, LORD SHYAMALAN," Awng declared solemnly, his voice resonating with the voices of all the Avatars before him. "IT IS TOO LATE FOR THAT. YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UPON YOURSELF AND UPON THE AVATAR UNIVERSE. AND NOW, YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE!"

So saying, Awng stepped forward and pressed his right thumb against Lord Shyamalan's brow, directly between his eyes. His left hand he pressed to the director's chest. Lord Shyamalan's eyes glazed over suddenly – he couldn't move.

Awng breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and Energybended the mad director.

Two bright beams of light shot out of the two of them – a blue one from Awng, a red one from Lord Shyamalan. For several intense moments, the two lights wrestled one another, as the live-action Airbender's spirit grappled with the spirit of Lord Shyamalan.

At last, however, Awng was victorious, and his blue light consumed Lord Shyamalan's.

The deed done, Awng stepped away, stumbling slightly from the effort. Lord Shyamalan looked around dizzily, wobbily attempted to stand, but collapsed once more into the pile of Hitchcock movies.

"What…" he gasped. "What did you do to me?"

"I took away what was left of your reputation as a good filmmaker," Awng replied gravely. "You can't use it to hurt or threaten innocent fictional characters ever again."

Awng turned to leave, his destiny fulfilled. Lord Shyamalan stammered, shocked and dismayed, and shouted after him.

"W – wait!" he cried. "But – but – what should I do, now?"

Awng glanced back at him thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't know. You'll have to re-evaluate your life. Maybe you should find a new hobby? Tae Kwon Do is pretty cool… And who knows? Maybe now you can go back to film school and start over, and make better movies in the future. It's all up to you."

And with that little piece of advice, Ahvatar Awng departed, satisfied. He had done it. He had defeated Lord Shyamalan and saved the Movie World.

* * *

"Hey, guys," Zuko said, meandering back into the Spirit Oasis. "I'm back – _AI-yee_!" Zuko recoiled suddenly and stammered in horror, pointing blankly at Katarola and Z-Patel – who were _still _locked in a passionate embrace. "Um... _what_?" he cried.

"Don't ask," Mai quickly advised him. "It's better just to ignore them."

Zuko blinked. Blinked. Shuddered. Then composed himself. "Well… uh… anyway, you guys all know that the big battle scene is still going on out there, right?"

Aang shrugged, sniffling and rubbing his nose. "That's okay," he said. "We'll take care of that as soon as Awng returns from fighting Lord Shyamalan in the final fight of the finale – um – I mean…"

Katara sneezed. "Don't speak with words, Aang!" she cried desperately. "It's just altogether better not to use speech at all."

Zuko stared at all of them, and shook his head. "All of you are sick now?" he asked. "Well, that's just great. Keep your distance from _me_ – that bad dialogue stuff seems really contagious." He carefully strolled past all of them and sat down on the grass beside Mai.

Mai gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then noticed a small lump hidden in his shirt. "What's this?" she asked curiously, reaching to see what it was.

"Uh, nothing!" Zuko said quickly – but he wasn't quick enough. Mai pulled forth a small bottle of a transparent green liquid.

"_Zuko_!" she cried, frowning at him with disapproval. "You went and got more cactus juice from chapter six?"

Zuko looked abashed. "Well! I had to go back there anyway, and I thought… I don't know… I mean, it was… it was kinda fun, you know?"

Mai glared sternly at him.

"What?" Zuko shrugged defensively. "It's just a little bit!... You can have some too?"

Mai took the little bottle and tucked it away in her sleeve, shaking her head at him firmly. "No!" she declared. "No more! I'm not letting you have this, Zuko. It's not good for you."

Zuko sulked.

At that moment, Awng suddenly reappeared, entering the cavern from one of those mysterious side entrances. He was beaming, almost swaggering with a newfound confidence.

"Hey, everyone!" he said. They all stood immediately when they saw him.

"Awng!" Aang cried, grinning. "You're back! Did you defeat Lord Shyamalan?"

Awng nodded happily. "He won't be writing any more bad movies from now on!"

Sokka opened his mouth, hesitantly – still afraid of what might come out – but at last he said, "So… does that mean we're cured?" Instantly, he gasped, and grinned ecstatically. "I didn't say anything awkward or redundant! The Bad Dialogue Flu is gone! I'm cured!"

"Me too!" Suki cried. "I can talk in normal sentences again!"

Katara ran forward and caught the live-action Airbender up in a tight hug. "You saved us, Awng!" she cried. "You did it! You must be so proud!"

Aang grinned at his live-action counterpart. "You're a real hero now, Awng."

Awng beamed – then suddenly he spotted Z-Patel and Katarola at the other end of the Spirit Oasis. They had apparently not noticed his return, too distracted with their ongoing kiss. Awng frowned, appalled, and stuttered.

"Hey – what?" he cried, pointing at them. "What gives?"

Aang glanced back at Katarola and Z-Patel, grimacing, and then shrugged helplessly at Awng.

"Yeah, uh… sorry," he said awkwardly. "Guess you can't win them all, huh?"

Awng moped for a moment, but then shook himself and sighed. "Oh, well," he said. "She was a little too needy for me, anyway."

"Well," Toph said. "Are we done here? I mean, Lord Shyamalan's defeated. Isn't it about time for us to go back to the Animated Universe?"

Sokka furrowed his brow. "Yeah, uh… We ought to be going back any time now…"

The Animated Characters all paused, waiting for a few moments, expecting to be suddenly spirited back to their own Animated World. But nothing happened. They all began glancing at one another uncomfortably. Zuko looked particularly alarmed.

"Don't tell me we're _stuck_ here?" he cried at last.

"No, no," Sokka shook his head quickly, though he seemed quite perplexed. "The fanfic author will get us back eventually. But – "

"But nothing's happening, Sokka!" Katara exclaimed nervously. "Are we supposed to do something? Recite some magic spell? Click our heels together and say 'there's no place like home'?

Toph snickered. "That's dumb," she said. "Why would we have to do that?"

Aang glanced toward the entrance of the cavern for a moment, pondering. The sounds of the big battle scene were still raging outside. Suddenly, his eyes lit up with an idea.

"I know why nothing's happening," he grinned at all of them. "It's because the big battle's not done yet. Come on! Let's go get rid of all those Fire Nation guys. That should do the trick."

And so – gladly leaving Katarola and Z-Patel (and Sockson, still asleep on the ground) there in the Spirit Oasis – the rest of the characters raced out of the cavern, into the streets of the citadel, where the battle was still raging. Aang blasted the fighting Movie Extras out of their way with massive gusts of air, while Katara ran beside him and helped clear their path with impressive waves of water. Fire Nation soldiers and Waterbenders alike found themselves swept aside, tossed to the ground and disoriented, while the cast of protagonists raced past them.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Aang and Katara shouted to the nonplussed Movie Extras as they passed. "We're just in a hurry! Sorry about that!"

The group made their way up to the outer wall of the city at last. Awng stepped forward, gazing out over the dark scene – evil, metallic Fire Nation ships dotted the churning sea all the way to the dim horizon. Fireballs flew through the air, launched from Fire Nation catapults.

Aang grinned at his live-action counterpart. "Do your thing, Awng," he said.

Awng grinned at him as well, then took a deep breath. His eyes and tattoos suddenly began to glow with the familiar pale blue light that all of the Animated Characters had seen so many times in Aang. They all stepped back, watching, as the glowing live-action Avatar took a firm stance and raised his arms. Down below the wall, the ocean surged and swelled. It lifted, gurgling and smashing against the wall, rising up into an enormous wall of water.

Sokka smirked briefly at Aang. "Well, it's not as impressive as your Koizilla thing in Season One," he said. "But I guess it'll do the trick. Go Awng! Show those Fire Nation guys who's boss! Smash those ships! Yeah!"

Awng's massive wall of water continued to rise, swelling and curling dangerously. Fire Nation soldiers on the ships down below all screamed in terror. The ships began turning around, retreating from Awng's impressive wave. All the Animated Characters waited eagerly for Awng to drop the wave on the ships.

However, the wave never dropped. The Fire Nation ships just turned tail and fled, vanishing slowly off into the horizon. Awng's wave quietly settled back into the ocean.

The entire city was shrouded in awestruck silence. Well, mostly awestruck. The Animated Characters were all not so much awestruck as disappointed. Awng sighed, swaying slightly from the effort, as his eyes slowly ceased to glow.

"You mean all you had to do was make a big wave, and they just left?" Sokka asked, frowning. "You didn't even have to get any of them _wet_?... Well, that's lame."

"Koizilla was definitely _much _better," Katara agreed.

Awng just shrugged and turned back to the Animated Characters. "Hey, I didn't write the movie," he said, smirking slightly.

Aang grinned at him. Just the sight of the live-action boy – the same boy who'd started off this fanfic with only three facial expressions – _smirking_, filled the animated Airbender with a profound surge of pride.

"Well, Awng," said Aang, reaching to shake his hand. "I guess this is the end. It's actually been a lot of fun, despite all the weirdness."

Awng grinned back at him. "Thanks for everything, Aang," he said.

Aang nodded. "Good luck. Keep practicing your sense of humor. And I hope that maybe, one day, you'll get to be in _much_ better movies than this one."

* * *

Very soon, the Animated Characters all found themselves – exhausted and utterly relieved – back in Iroh's beautifully animated teashop. They all agreed that they'd never been so happy to see the Jasmine Dragon in their lives.

Katara smiled brightly, spinning in a circle to take in their surroundings. "It's so… _flat_!"

"And _smooth_," Aang added, running his fingers happily along the walls.

"And _WONDERFUL_!" Katara cried, hugging herself delightedly for a moment and collapsing into the nearest chair with a contented sigh. "Let's _never _leave the Animated World again!"

"Agreed," Zuko and Mai both said in unison, nodding.

"Good old tea shop!" Iroh sighed happily. "Perhaps I should make us all some tea? I think we need some after that whole strange ordeal."

Everyone eagerly concurred, and Iroh vanished into the back kitchen to prepare some tea for all of them.

Mai sat down in one of the chairs, also with a deep sigh of relief. Zuko came and sat beside her, while Aang leaned against Katara's chair, and Sokka and Suki both reclined against the wall. Toph jumped up onto a nearby table, swinging her legs happily.

"Well, glad _that's_ over," the blind Earthbender commented.

"Yeah," Suki agreed. "I mean, it seemed like a pretty fun idea at first. But I don't _ever _want to do anything like that ever again."

"I hope Iroh hurries with that tea," Aang commented. "I'm really parched."

"Just be patient," Katara said, running her fingers wearily through her hair and leaning back lazily.

Aang's eyes wandered briefly, and he spotted something on the ground – a small bottle. Stepping aside curiously, he picked it up and examined it. It was filled with some kind of green-tinted drink, and there was a picture of a friendly-looking mushroom on the outside of it.

"Huh," Aang muttered to himself. "Must be one of Iroh's drinks. I guess someone accidentally dropped it."

Unfortunately, no one paid him any heed. The Airbender, extremely thirsty and not seeing any harm in it, surreptitiously opened the bottle and gulped down the green drink. It was sweet and tangy, and quenched his thirst very nicely.

"Aang," Katara said suddenly, glancing curiously at him. "What are you doing?"

Aang turned around, wiping his mouth and grinning. "Oh, nothing," he shrugged. "I just saw this bottle on the ground, and I figured it must be one of Iroh's tea shop drinks. Sorry, I was just _really_ thirsty, after that big battle scene and all."

Mai's eyes grew wide. She reached into her sleeve, where she'd tucked away Zuko's cactus juice – but it wasn't there. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "The cactus juice! It must have fallen out!"

Katara stared first at Mai, then at Aang. Her mouth fell open. "Oh, _great_!" she cried.

"What's wrong, guys? I – _ooh_!" Aang suddenly swayed dizzily, his pupils dilating. He shook his head violently, and hiccupped. "Are we... are we in real life?" he asked slowly.

Katara glared at Aang in annoyance. "Aang, seriously?" she cried sternly. "Since when do you just _drink_ some mysterious liquid you find lying around? I swear, you're as bad as Sokka!"

"Oh, boy," Sokka said, unable to keep from grinning. "This ought to be interesting."

Aang just stared blankly at Katara for a few moments, his mouth dangling open. "Uhr – wha…?" he mumbled. Then he suddenly laughed loudly, stumbling slightly. "_Wow_! That's some crazy stuff! Heh! Katara – _why's your hair purple_?... I LOVE IT!"

"Who wants tea?" Iroh announced happily, returning from the kitchen with a tray full of tea cups. Aang took one look at the old man and squeaked, wide-eyed.

"_IT'S A TALKING PLATYPUS-BEAR WITH DREADLOCKS_!" he bellowed, pointing at Iroh.

Iroh frowned. "Pardon?" he asked.

But Aang darted toward Katara, standing protectively in front of her. "Don't worry, Katara!" he cried. "I'll save you!"

Sokka and Toph were already laughing uproariously. But Katara, irritated, put her hands on Aang's shoulders and turned him around to glare at him. "Aang, stop!" she shouted. "That's not a talking Platypus-Bear!"

Aang gawked at her, profoundly distressed and bewildered. "Are you sure? 'Cause he's got a duck-bill! That's a dead giveaway!"

Iroh, puzzled, glanced aside at Zuko. "Don't tell me – cactus juice?"

Zuko sighed unhappily. "Yeah. _My _cactus juice."

Mai also sighed. "Wow," she muttered. "I thought this fanfic was over. But _no_… The author just _had _to somehow get both Zuko _and_ Aang on cactus juice before the story was done."

Aang, blinking rapidly, suddenly looked around the tea shop in awe. "_Whoa_," he said slowly. "How did the tea shop get underwater, guys? Is this normal? Are we fish, now? _YES_! I'M SO EXCITED!"

Katara growled in frustration, pressing her forehead. Aang, delighted and energized, darted off and began running in circles around the tea shop, waving his arms as if he were swimming.

Sokka could hardly breathe, he was laughing so hard. "This is classic!" he cried. "Was _I _this funny when I was on cactus juice?"

But Katara, not very amused, turned and glared fiercely at Zuko. "Look what you did, Zuko!"

Zuko crossed his arms indignantly. "It's not _my _fault!"

"It is too, Zuko," Mai agreed, also sending Zuko a stern scowl. "You're the one who brought back that cactus juice from chapter six."

"Aang is still innocent and impressionable!" Katara scolded Zuko. "You're a bad influence!"

At that moment, Aang came up behind Katara and took her into his arms, dipping her backwards and planting a large kiss on her. Katara gasped and sputtered in surprise.

"You're lookin' good, baby!" he grinned suavely. "Whaddya say the two of us run away together? Hm?"

Toph fell off the table laughing, landing with a loud thump on the ground. Sokka and Suki were both also doubled over with laughter. Iroh, too, rumbled with chuckles and wiped tears from his eyes. Even Mai couldn't help but snicker quietly.

"Oh, man," Toph gasped. "I gotta get me some of that stuff."

Katara blushed violently, while Aang lifted her back up again and twirled her. She collapsed dizzily into a chair, and he laughed and took off on an Air Scooter, flying in happy little circles around the Jasmine Dragon.

"WHEE-EE-EE!" he shouted.

Katara could only blink for a moment, dazed, and shake herself. "This has got to be one of the craziest fanfics we've ever been in," she commented at last.

"Way to state the obvious, Sweetness," Toph laughed, grinning.

Aang whizzed past them all on his Air Scooter over and over again, beginning to sing loudly as he zipped around in circles: _"SECRET TUNNEL! SECRET TUNNEL!_ _THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS, SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET…_"

"I think he's stuck," Toph snickered.

"_SECRET, SECRET, SECRET…_!"

"Someone stop him!" Mai cried.

However, Aang stopped himself – he accdentally slammed face-first into one of the walls, falling backwards with a painful groan and staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Tweeting birds around my head…" he muttered dizzily.

Katara sighed wearily, running and kneeling beside him to make sure he didn't have a concussion. "Aang?" she asked, helping him to sit up. "Are you hurt?"

"Chakra sandwich taste good... yum," he mumbled, smiling distantly at her.

Sokka, attempting to compose himself after his long laugh, wiped a tear or two from his eyes and breathed slowly.

"Oh, man," he said. "I think that whole fanfic was worth it just for that."

"Even still," Mai added. "Let's all agree _never _to meddle with an alternate reality ever again. Especially one based off of us."

"Yeah," Sokka nodded fervently. "I mean, whose dumb idea was it to go into the Movie World in the first place?"

Everyone turned and stared at him for several moments.

"YOURS!" they all said in unison, glaring at him.

Sokka's eyes darted around nervously for a moment. "Oh," he stammered. "Uh… Hey, what's that thing outside the window?"

And when everyone looked, Sokka made a hasty escape out the tea shop door.

* * *

**THE END!**

**Hope you all enjoyed. Now, I'm off to cause trouble elsewhere! Peace! *chugs cactus juice, and runs off singing* :D**


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